Thanks to a WI Farmer and the Government....Freedom!

Yesterday was kind of a BIG day.  I paid off the LAST of my student loans.  Only because of the grace of God and the National health Service Corps, I might add.  When I finished my doc program I owed the equivalent of  the cost of a moderate house...and my payments and "mortgage" were about equal to buying one too! The was I figured it, if I paid $1300 a month for the next thirty years, I'd be just about done.  There were only two problems with that scenario. 1) I did not HAVE an extra $1300 a month, and 2) graduating as I did, shall we say, a little later in life....thirty years was going to take me WAY past any one's idea of a graceful time to retire.  I had deferred and forbore, and it was, after being out of school a bit, definitely time to pay the piper.  This all came to a head on my birthday back in 2002.  I was sitting in a field in Wisconsin celebrating my birthday with a friend.  S has always been one not to pull punches with me, and as I was bemoaning my "fate" of a lifetime of loan payementss with no retirement ever in sight, she hit me with the one-two..."So....are you just going to sit around and complain about this thing, or are you going to actually DO something?" I knew the something she was referring to....the National Health Service offers to pay back loans of those in health and allied professions who agree to work in underserved areas for a period of time.  We had talked about this as an option when I was in grad school, but I had hemmed and hawed and put off seriously thinking about it.  It was a risk, I'd have to move...somewhere....my life would have to essentially (or so I thought) be put on hold for the 5-7 years required to complete my service obligation.  And where would I end up?  (Visions of underserved areas to me didn't include my own state at that time.) But I heeded S's words and when I got home again, I looked up the NHSC.  I checked the locations for places to serve and found there were a number of them within a three hour drive of home, and some even had been given a rating that led me to believe that I would have no trouble being accepted for the program should I be applying from one of them. Hmmmm....This might work!.The next step would be a job search. I thought that would take time.   Imagine my surprise when I opened the Sunday paper right there in my own kitchen, and there was one of my sites....in my own state, looking for a psychologist!  So off went the resume, and very soon I was toodling across the state to an interview, then accepting a job and packing to set off on the beginning of  what turned out to be far more of a life-changing adventure than I had ever bargained for.  In addition to the obvious benefits of NO MORE STUDENT LOANS....I have gained  fabulous friends, ordination, which of course has led to more wonderful adventures all on its own, and best of all my amazing husband!  Not bad for eight years. So I'm toasting the National Health Service Corps.  A great deal all around.  People in underserved areas get good clinicians to come and work with them....and those clinicians....doctors, dentists, nurses, too....get relief from a huge debt burden! This is something the government has gotten very, very right. Thanks and blessings NHSC.

Friday Five: Dog Days of Summer

Singing Owl says: "Here in the snow belt state of Wisconsin we long for the first signs of spring--perhaps a crocus poking up through the snow, or a pussy willow bud popping out even beneath ice. The first appearance of robins, that most cheery little hopper of birds, causes widespread rejoicing. Spring is followed by summer, a time for home-grown tomatoes, watermelon, corn on the cob, all sorts of "fests," back yard "fry outs" (what they call a barbecue here, for some reason) and trips near and far.  I love summer, and wait anxiously for it every year. So how is it that we have arrived at the hot and humid "Dog Days" of August, and I have not done nearly enough of what I planned to do? I want to pack in as much as I can before snow flies once again. How about you? And what is happening for those of you who are in a different hemisphere than I, and it may be cold?"

1. What is the weather like where you live? It's HOT and it's HUMID and I LOVE it!!!! Yes I know, I know, that makes me some kind of wierdo.  Everyone around me is moaning and complaining and I am reveling in it.  We were in SC for a little vacay last week where it was more of the same and I LOVED that too.  It makes me feel good, what can I say?

2. Share one thing you love about this time of year. Well other than that it's hot and humid...I also love that it's light FOREVER, and the days go on and on and on so we can go out and play after work.

3. Share one thing you do NOT love about this time of year. Mosquitoes.  We grow 'em large and we grow 'em vicious and they find me tasty.

4. How will you spend the remaining days leading up to Autumn? Playing outside as much as possible. Biking, geocaching, taking the kayaks out to see if I can find get the hang of paddling in a straight line...more or less.  But we also have some chores that must be accomplished as well.  The garage MUST be re-roofed before the snow (ugh) flies and it needs a paint job, as does the front porch.  There are a few other "outdoor musts" that are on our to-do list as well. So we'll try to balance that with our fun time.

5. Share a good summer memory. Oh, hard to pick just one!  The wedding and our honeymoon of course got summer off to a pretty good start. Our trip to SC to see Soul Sister A last week and her hubby was great, too. This has been a really good summer all in all!

Bonus: What food says SUMMER to you? My gazpacho ( a takeoff on Moosewood's recipe from the original cookbook and not bad if I do say so myself), anything R grills, and of course potato salad!

Memories, Memories Friday Five

Sally says: "This year Tim and I have planted and nurtured a vegetable garden, and I have just spent the morning preparing vegetables and soups for the freezer, our veggie garden is producing like crazy and it is hard to keep up with, that said it'll be worth it for a little taste of summer in the middle of winter :-). That got me thinking of the things I treasure, memories are often more valuable than possessions."
How about you, can you share
A treasured memory from childhood? I did not often have the chance to do things with my dad.  He worked hard and didn't play much.  However, one sunny summer day just he and I took a daylong boat excursion on the Mississippi.  The boat was a paddlewheeler.  Her name was the Avalon. Amazingly I still remember this...I was probably all of nine at the time.  He bought me a little captain's hat and we sat way up on the top deck in the sun and looked at all the sights.  It's a memory I will always hold of him.


A teenage memory? Those were some tough years. Probably some of the best times though were with music, singing, playing in the orchestra.  It was a time I found something I was good at and had passion for, something that I could get lost in.

A young adult memory? My days in the convent were at best a "mixed bag" in many ways. But I do have one great memory of a night a group of us gathered for some reason out on the hill behind the novitiate. Some people had guitars and we sang and had prayers and then just sat in silence for a while.  Suddenly the heavens just erupted with the most amazing meteor shower.  It was very brief but quite spectacular (and I don't think we knew it was coming). It stunned us to silent reverence.

A memory from this summer? Well, no doubt the BEST memories from this summer are those of our wedding.  Although I have to say. the trip was a close second, and all the fun we have been having around here since has not been too bad either.  But of the wedding....still, best moment...walking up the aisle and feeling that moment when I could not go one.more. step. without his hand in mine...reaching out and there he was, just like I knew he would be, just like he always is.

A memory you hope to have? Oh I hope to have lots and lots and lots of great and wonderful memories with my fabulous husband!
 
Bonus- a song that sums up one of those memories...here's the song we danced to at the wedding...Jimmy's our guy and it sums up our philosophy, if things are hard....breathe in, breathe out, move on....it will get better.

Friday Five: Love the one You're With

Kathrynzj says: "This Friday Five will post while I'm at the beach which for me is more than a vacation destination, it is a trip home. I have found it quite easy to wax nostalgic about the places I used to live (well, except for one) and have begun to wonder what it is I like about the place I'm living now? For instance I sure do love the beach, but this picture was taken about 30 minutes away from my house - not too shabby! "
And so I ask you to please name five things you like about where you are living now... and as your bonus - 1 thing you don't like.

1. I like the size of where I am in that it's small enough to get to know people but not so small that people know everything you're up to.
2. As I may have said a time or two before...there really something about this prairie light.
3. I have made really really good friends in this place as I have in no other. I don't know if that is about the place, the people in the place or the place I was in when I came to the place....but none the less, this is the place where I found them!
4. This is where I found I my true love.
5. It's nice and flat for biking.

The "don't like" is definitely the lack of retail opportunities.  We have two marts and a ko and a wee downtown that's kind of spendy.  Anything significant in the way of shopping is a good two hours from here.  It gets kind of old  to have to make what is basically a day trip for retail therapy.  But the good has outweighed the bad for nigh on eight years now, and for a place that I thought of as somewhere I was coming to "do my time" to get my loans paid back....well it's been far more, far better and a great trip so far.

Friday Five: Decisions, Decisions

Songbird says: "Since I've been in the midst of a discernment process, I've done a lot of reflecting on how we make decisions. But don't worry, I'm not going to ask you to reveal a dark story about a poor decision, or a self-flagellating story about an embarrassing one. Let's keep it simple and go with five word pairs. Tell us which word in the pair appeals to you most, and after you've done all five, give us the reason why for one of them. Here they are:"
1) Cake or Pie
2) Train or Airplane
3) Mac or PC
4) Univocal or Equivocal
5) Peter or Paul
Funny....I don't have strong preferences for any of the pairs, and probably could just have easily gone the other way....hmmm....equivocating I guess . But as for #1...since meeting my husband, it's cake for sure. His are hands down the best I have ever eaten. In fact, they are so good he must be discouraged from making them too often!

Friday Five: Forgetful Jones Edition

Songbird  (humbly) says: "No, it wasn't my turn to do the Friday Five, but it was my job to confirm the new person whose job it is, so herewith, the Forgetful Jones Friday Five:"
a) What's the last thing you forgot? Well we "sort of" forgot to go to an open house this week...but really it wasn't so much we forgot as that we went on the wrong night due to the fact that we were relying on information passed on by a friend rather than doing the responsible thing and digging out the invite.

e) How do you keep track of appointments? In the phone.  Used to haul around a big ol' planner. Now it's all in the tiny Razor...much lighter and it has an alarm to notify me as far in advance as I need to know where I am supposed to be and what I need to be doing there!

i) Do you keep a running grocery list? Sort of.  We do menus (usually) on Sundays after church and then shop for the week after scouring the house for what's low...but if something shows up in-between there is a "place" for a note to add it....if we remember and it gets there. But it seems that one or the other of us is always off to the store for something during the week...and there's usually an "oh by the way, while you are there would you get..." too.

o) When forced to improvise by circumstances, do you enjoy it or panic? Yes.

u) What's a memory you hope you will never forget? Walking up the aisle at the wedding....the moment my hand just sort of "came up" and reached out to R....I literally felt like I could not take one more step unless I grabbed that man and held on for dear life.

Saved-the Scratchy Edition

I am thinking this morning about discomfort and being saved from it.  It's hard not to think about it....I'm itching! A lot. I apparently have something that is rather inelegantly called "lake itch" which I seem to have acquired from my little kayaking adventure on Monday with the Soul Sisters. Apparently some of the lovely little creatures that live in the lake like to also like to camp out with us, and if you don't quit yourself of them quickly enough after leaving with the water they get..... er...under your skin and create little bumpies and all manner of itchiness.  My resident expert who has spent a whole lot more time on and in the water than I have tells me cool showers and calamine and time are the remedies of choice. So I have been freezing and slathering myself as directed. Dosing with Benedryl last night helped too...it either calmed then down or knocked me out enough so that I slept through them.  But I am grateful for whatever little salvation comes from the itch.  They don't all itch all the time, but seem to take turns.  It's distracting and annoying and I am happy for moments when they all seem to "sleep" at once. R says it will all pass in a few days.  It cannot come too soon.

So as I sit with the folks whose discomfort will not pass so easily, those whose pain is not assuaged by a cool shower and some topical analgesics, I think about being saved from our various pain.  How we save ourselves and one another, how we are called to this.  That Samaritan heard the call. Heard it enough to go and reach out and offer help to someone who probably thought he was about as attractive as one of my little biters.

Saving Myself from Things I Should be Doing

Yes this is procrastination blog post.  There are things I could and should be doing.  I could tie up a couple work-related things in the last few minutes of the day.  Or I could slog along some more on the half-finished sermon for the nursing home service for Sunday. I have energy for neither of those things.  Nor do I have any deep thoughts about the topic of "Saved" or any other topic for that matter.  I am way more tired than I should be for a Tuesday....especially one that was the first day of the work week. 

There seems to be a lot of what my friends across the pond refer to as whingeing going on around here. Both R and I seem to be dealing with a lot of folks who can't quite seem to get their stuff together, make messes of things, don't seem to want to take responsibility for the fact, and want to blame others....loudly and at length for it.  It's making us both a bit cranky with these folks.

Are they my neighbors, too? Oh bother.  I just hate it when the Gospel refuses to leave me alone, even when I want to leave it.

Things Saved

Thinking about this July theme....and my junk drawers...yes drawers plural.  I have three, at least, that actually have that designation.  one in the kitchen that has the usual assortment of keys that no longer belong to locks, twist ties, and other miscellaneous stuff that really has no home elsewhere.  The other two are the top "mini-drawers" of my dresser.  Too small to really be useful for much else, they have come to be the homes of all the stuff I don't really know what else to do with.  Things I probably don't really need, am not sure I want but can't really bring myself to part with.  For example the extra buttons that come with things. Those always present a little dilemma for me....to keep or not to?  I rarely ever use them, or if I need them, can find them, and yet, it seems "wasteful" to just pitch them in the trash with the tags when I bring something home from the store.  So, they often go into those drawers.  Also in there is broken jewelry.  I have trouble parting with that, too.  Now we are not talking about valuable stuff here, but the likes of broken chains beaded bracelets that have come unbeaded. Also in there are old wallets, key chains, hair accessories that my hair will never use again, some cards from old friends, a few keys that haven't made their way to the "other" junk drawer, pens,  miscellaneous receipts and other pieces of paper.  I try halfheartedly now and again to purge these drawers, but there is always stuff that comes out that I look at for a time, have some conversation with myself about along the lines of, "Kate, why on earth are you keeping this?" and then back it goes to be saved for another day.

I don't know what any of this says about me, if anything.  There was a point in my life that I got kind of ruthless in purging "excess" things from my life, in getting neat and tidy and organized.  I had labels on my pantry and fridge shelves and woe betide anyone who put the mustard in the dairy area. Seriously!  I know now that I was a little over the top with all that.  I was trying to assume some control over what felt very much out of it.  Our fridge and pantry are now in glorious disarray and the rest of the house looks pretty lived in most of the time. But my purge never made it to the junk drawers somehow, and even if it had, somehow I think they might have been immune.  My little savings corner somehow...who knows.  But there will likely be a move in our future at some point.  And that is good motivation for clearing out.  When it costs good money to move it, sometimes the definition of what is a "keeper" changes.  But for now..."saved" stays on that particular odd collection.

Friday Five: I Want to be a Church That.....

Sally says: "This has been a good week for British Methodism, The Annual Conference has discussed and debated many things and not shied away from some difficult stuff. New Ministers have been Ordained and received into Full Connexion. Add to that the fact that two amazing ladies; Alison Tomlin and Eunice Attwood have taken up their posts as President and Vice-President for 2010/2011- and that they have both inspired us in their speeches and preaching , and you begin to get the picture.In the Vice- Presidents Address Eunice gave an inspiring account of the type of church she wants to be a part of, almost poetic she said: I want to be part of a church that is prayer-filled -
A church that is resourced and sustained by the Bible,
A church that can offer hope even in a credit crunch,
A church that can live well with difference and diversity.
I want to be part of a church that welcomes the wealthy, those who have power and influence -
A church that knows how to party and celebrate life,
A church that acknowledges death and speaks boldly of resurrection,
A church that doesn’t pretend to have all the answers but encourages all the questions.
I want to be part of a church that throws parties for prostitutes -
A church that welcomes those who seek asylum,
A church that longs and yearns for justice,
A church that listens to those no-one else wants to listen to.
I want to be part of a church that believes in transformation not preservation -
A church where all who are lost can be found,
A church where people can discover friendship,
A church where every person takes responsibility in sharing the good news.
I want to be part of a church whose hope is placed securely and confidently in the transforming love of God -
A church that engages faith in its communities,
A church that makes and nurtures disciples of Jesus.
A church where the story of God’s love is at the centre.
I want to be part of a church that offers outrageous grace, reckless generosity, transforming love and engaging faith.
This is God’s story Transforming Love: Engaging Faith.
My prayer is that by the power of the Spirit of God at work amongst us, it will increasingly be our story.
I want to be part of that church to, and at the danger of trying to add to such a wonderful litany of dreams/ visions and prayers I wonder which five things would you echo from or add to this. What kind of church do you want to be a part of in the 21st Century?"
Simply list the five, and as an added bonus is there a hymn of a Bible passage that you would make your inspiration?

Blessings upon the heads of the British Methodists! If this is any example...you are in good hands.
Now...to the task of dreaming of the church I want to be part of ...

I want my church to....
Include more than it excludes
Ask more than it answers,
Challenge more than it soothes,
Send out more than it keeps, and
above all......never forget that it does not exist to be a church.

As far as some Biblical inspiration....I'd like a church where this is the general order of things, too......"Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who abuse you. If anyone strikes you on the cheek, offer the other also; and from anyone who takes away your coat do not withhold even your shirt. Give to everyone who begs from you; and if anyone takes away your goods, do not ask for them again. Do to others as you would have them do to you.....Do not judge, and you will not be judged; do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven; give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together, running over, will be put into your lap; for the measure you give will be the measure you get back." ( Luke 6:27-32,37-39)

July Here!

Apparently June sneaked off somewhere while I wasn't looking and left July behind.  NaBloPoMo tells me there is a new theme for the month and I'm tempted...again....to try this posting every day business. Partially because in my efforts to restore some spiritual and other disciplines to my life, daily writing might be a good one to add to my newly re-born yoga/morning prayer routine.  Plus I like the theme. "Saved."    Indeed...I could write a bit about things I've "....kept, rescued, or otherwise prevented from being lost forever,"  but I could also write about how the same has been true for me. About all the ways that I have wandered off, gotten lost, strayed and stranded in the wilderness of my own creation time and time again, and how I just keep getting....SAVED. The strange ways in which that has happened, how I have resisted it and resist it still...and the puzzlement in my mind about just why it is I do so.  I get saved myself about once a day I think and maybe on a good day....I wonder I might be doing some saving for someone else.

So I may give it a go....this NaBloPoMo.  Every day?  Oh who knows? Perhaps.  Or maybe just a little more.

To Strive Not To.....

I never wanted to get to the point where my only posts were the Friday Fives. Not that there is anything wrong with that in and of itself, but for a long time my blog was my main creative outlet. There was a time there when I was pretty prolific and rarely had a thought that didn't lead to a post of some sort. Now I find that my main writing energy is going into sermons that I mostly don't think are worth posting, and "five things" each week on Friday, I can't help but wonder if my creative juices, at least in the writing department, are running a little low.

Or maybe it's just that balance thing again. The inner life and the outer life and getting them in sync seems to be a particular challenge for me. I have certainly never been happier and more surely and certainly content with life as a whole than I am right now. Marriage and life with R agrees with me! Some other aspects are a bit challenging (there is always something, right?) like work issues and the irklings that come and go just in the living of life with other people whereever we encounter them (yes, church, too....imagine!) But as I have shared with C on more than one occassion....I seem to struggle with how to have a decent spiritual life in times of goodness and joy. God tends to seem more present to me in times of struggle and difficulty. I rely more, turn more....remember more who and whose I am when I am floundering and falling than when I am coasting along in joy or even in neutral.

I was actually thinking about this on Sunday as I sat in my little red kayak for the first time. As in all things I had pushed and struggled to "get it" immediately, expecting that I should get in that boat, pick up those paddles and row myself perfectly out into the water. Umm, yeah....And after the laughter (good-natured of course) stopped, and my companions R and Soul Sister C pointed out 1) the numerous errors of my paddling ways and 2) my "frowny face," I was able to stop and relax a bit and see that I was er....maybe expecting a little bit much of myself for the first time ever doing this. So I stopped struggling so hard to be the perfect kayaker..... played around a little, got the hang of it just a little bit, and found myself at one point out in the middle of the pond, just drifting. It was quite lovely. And when I was ready to go back in, it was a little easier to take myself and my boat in the general direction I wanted to go...without quite so much effort, without quite so much struggle....I did not need to sufffer or strive to kayak...who knew!

I am by nature a striver. It is where I go first....in paddling, in life and with God. The hard way seems to be the way I know how to do it. Something in me still resists ease. Resists even joy? That is hard to admit, though I think it might be true. I think there is some small part of me that still believes that there is some virtue in suffering and struggle, though my post-modern, liberal self scoffs loudly at this notion. I have gone round in this little circle of my own making far too many times to count. And its getting old. I know that God rejoices in my happiness....is in fact the creator of it. Maybe love will teach me....or the small red kayak, or perhaps God in God's time and patience will get through. Or perhaps I will surrender. Miracles happen all the time! There is, at least in the meantime, a blog post.

Friday Five: Hot Fun in the Summertime?

Songbird says: "It's possible I may have a bad attitude about the arrival of summer. On the eve of the Solstice I left for a mission trip to a town in Maine bordering Quebec. Beset by a swarm of bloodthirsty black flies, and a "classic allergic reaction" according to the PA at the Urgent Care, I had to return the next morning to a week of Benadryl and ice packs. (If only I had known about Bug Band *before*...)But I don't want that to ruin summer for the rest of you. So I invite you to share five things you love--or don't--about summer. The tone is up to you!"

Ooooh poor Songbird! That's terrible...BAD flies.
First of all I have to say I LOVE summer!!! There are way more than five things, but I will try to contain my enthusiasm!

1. It's HOT! That might be kind of self-evident you say? Well remember, we are blogging from the great North here....and really, it's not always that way (even, to be entirely honest in summer). But I love it the most when it is. Hot and steamy is my weather. I know...people think I am strange, but it energizes me when the temps and the humidities are hovering a-waaay up there.

2. SUN and LIGHT. Again....something we don't always have in large quantities. Add that to the heat and the steam and I am just the happiest lil ol camper! I love the light lingering on into the evening so we can play longer....walking, biking or just reading on the porch swing without turning on the lamp. It's all good.

3. I feel freer in the summer than I do in the winter. Maybe it's the fact that there are far fewer layers of clothing required to keep me from freezing. Or that I don't seem to worry so much about setting out for somewhere....I don't have to think about sliding off the road or having to find my way through a blizzard or a white-out. But at any rate, I have a much greater spirit of adventure and willingness to go and do...even new things that push my edge. We are getting kayaks this weekend...and I am excited about learning to paddle that little boat! For a girl who really likes looking at water more than being on and in it.....this is a stretch....but a good one!

4. One of the things I have come to really cherish about small town life is the community celebrations. Band concerts in the park, the annual summer community theatre musical, July 4th parades and fireworks, summer festivals in our town and the little towns around us....the community shows up and plays together and we are kind of at our best. At the band concert the other night a group of little kids in great variety were dancing to the community orchestra. Laughing and jumping and falling down and rolling around in a joyous little puppy pile of all sizes and types and colors....it was so wonderful to watch them....just a little bit of summer heaven.

5. Food. Summer food....fresh veggies straight from the garden, ripe fruit from the farmer's market, grilly things, R's potato salad (which I love second only to my dear late mother's), and of course....ice cream! And everything seems to taste better when you eat it outside.

My only "complaint" about summer would be its brevity. It's just way too short and moves too fast. So, as an antidote, I am trying to stay in the moment and savor each beautiful day.

Friday Five: Running Late

Jan says: "As I opened up my computer this morning, I directly went to my blog and RevGals to see what the newest Friday Five would be! Nothing was here, which seemed odd. Then I went to look at the calendar and counted the Fridays, and it is the THIRD Friday! How did that happen so quickly? It's my turn, so here's a quickie:"

1. Do you tend to be a late person or one who is timely, arriving on time or earlier? I have always been a pretty "on-time" person, usually arriving just before or at the appointed time. This has all changed since I started hanging out with my now husband, also known as "the early guy." I got a hint of his stance on the time thing when he arrived for our second date when I was barely out of the shower. At that time I thought maybe it was just because he was so eager to see me. But I soon found that this is a life long pattern. My beloved wants to be early for everything. And thus it is, and we are.

2. Have you forgotten anything of importance lately? If I have, I can't remember it !

3. Is procrastination your inclination? Why or why not? Only for big and overwhelming projects. Then I have to do a certain amount to build the requisite tension. It's almost like my little ritual. Wait....wait...wait...ok, I'm tense enough now that I can have my (also required) meltdown about how it's all too much and I can't do it and it will never get done....and then I settle in and produce. Yep all very predicable. I figured this out in grad school to the point that I actually scheduled the meltdown on the project timeline! It has to do with anxiety over my ability to do it "well enough" which gradually I am chipping away at in the dance with the inner critics.

4. Do you like schedules or spontaneity? Which works best for you? Looking at #3...it appears that I am a bit of scheduler..."Friday, 10:00-10:15-meltdown" Yeah.....not too spontaneous. But on the other hand, since R came along, I'm getting more playful and that does involve some ability to just let schedules fly sometimes...so again, both/and.

5. How do you stay on track with the various things you need to, people you must meet, etc., etc.? I used to have a big paper planner book, now I have a phone calendar. The line is "if it's not in the phone, it doesn't happen." And the great advantage of the phone over the paper, besides the fact that it's a lot smaller to tote around....it has an ALARM!

BONUS: Whatever comes to mind about forgetfulness or lateness. It really does irritate me when people just don't show up for stuff or are really late for no good reason, especially when they are chronic about it. There are some people in my life who have this issue and I find I am kind of chronically ornery with them about it. It feels disrespectful and uncaring and like they just don't give a rat's patoot about me or whom or whatever we are all engaged in together. And I don't want to hear their dreary excuses. The rest of us managed to get up, on the bus, in the car, through the traffic, whatever.....get over it! There....got that off my chest...thanks for listening.

Friday Five: Workout Edition

Mompriest Says: "Recently I started an assertive exercise regime thanks to my daughter who convinced me to join her gym. Truth be told I've been pretty good at working out most of my life. Usually these workouts include walking my dogs, bike riding, swimming, or a yoga DVD. I thought I was in good shape. That is until I started using the machines and taking classes at the gym with people half my age.During this same time frame I have spent several nights a week watching hockey. As the oldest child with three younger brothers I grew up with hockey. Then it was played outside on rough ice and in freezing temperatures. Now I have been captivated by the Chicago Blackhawks and their quest for the Stanley Cup. Wednesday night I sat through a nail-biting game that culminated in the win Chicago's been waiting for. Also going on this week is the NBA playoff and the World Cup Soccer games in South Africa. Lots of sports to distract us from the problems of the day.As if that weren't enough I am recultivating my practice of silent prayer and meditation. This has been a long practice of mine but one that sometimes goes by the wayside of life's distractions. Sadly though I have also just moved far away from my Spiritual Director and will have to try and find a new one in the future.There have also been occasions in my life when I have seen a therapist to help me work out one or more issues in my life. Sometimes these sessions have required more grueling intense internal work than any physical workout I've done. For this Friday Five let's ponder the various ways we work out (or not), physically, spiritually, and/or psychologically."
1. Do you work out physically, spiritually, or psychologically? (I'll let you define what that might mean to you) I have to equivocate on all of them, I fear. The first is the most inconsistent of all, though. I really don't like exercise, especially in its pure form. I have had gym memberships, Y memberships, CURVES memberships and the same thing happens....I start strong and soon and very soon, I am not going. Same thing with home exercise equipment...bikes, treadmills, balls...soon in the corner gathering dust and clothing. I will walk...if someone takes me (even if that someone has four legs and a tail). And I will exercise if it's disguised as play, like a walk through even less than tame terrain disguised as geocaching. But I keep falling for the idea of exercise all the same. Just last night as I was sitting in the hair salon I saw a new "toning and tightening" routine for those trouble spots. in a magazine..."Just 15 minutes three times a week, and...." Well I have that magazine on my shopping list.

And I keep promising myself to get back to my morning yoga practice. For almost TWO YEARS....every single morning....then it stopped, and I just can't seem to get there again. That one is physical, spiritual and emotional. In general, the spiritual & psychological workouts come and go with more or less intensity at various points in time. Right now I seem to be in cruise mode with both. And I'm ok with that. R and I are playing a lot, having fun together....hey we're newly weds, why not! But my church schedule is heating up come August and I have a feeling my spiritual "workouts" will have to keep pace. Who knows maybe my physical and emotional ones will too, just to have enough energy for seven Sundays running and a day job!

2. Are you more inclined to join a gym, or a book club? Right now, neither. I am not in "joining" mode. I go through phases where I really don't want my life scheduled and I'm in one. Unfortunately, my life doesn't seem to be cooperating.

3. Are you more inclined to read self-help books like Gail Sheehy's "Passages" or spiritual books like Richard Rohr or Theresa of Avila? And if so, what is your favorite? I tend to the spiritual. If I'm going to read something psychological it better be pretty good, I'm kind of a snob that way. Spiritual folks.....Parker Palmer, Richard Foster, and do like Rohr and Theresa too.

4. Are you a loyal fan of a sports team? Or do you join the bandwagon when the local team is winning? And, if so, which one? Living in MN almost have to have some Viking and Twins loyalty, but I'm far from rabid. Would like to get up to see the Twins play outside yet this summer. But watching games on TV confuses me and tends to result in nappage.

5. Or do you lean more toward having a favorite theologian/Spiritual writer or self help author and if so, who? And, why. Spiritual. Self-helpers sometimes can be a bit self-promoting...."do my method and be a better person...." and it is often trendy and superficial. The other side....time-tested!

Bonus: What was the last play-off series you watched and did your team win? Ummmm....I think I watched the Superbowl back in the 90's sometime when the Vikings played. I don't remember, but the commercials were fun. Yep. I'm a BIG sports fan!

Patience and persistence- Friday Five...

Sally says: "As I write this I can see out over our newly set up veggie plot from my study window. When Tim and I moved here in August last year he set to work clearing the ground, this spring I began planting seeds indoors and out, and now the beds are full of leaf and promise. We have harvested some spinach and lettuce, but still have to wait for the main crops....Patience is something that sometimes comes easy and sometimes doesn't, in the case of the garden it is easy, I can see the growth and know that waiting will produce good results. With other things patience is more difficult....Along with looking forward to eating our own veggies, we are also looking forward to seeing four of our children graduate with Bachelors degrees this year, they have worked hard over the three years and stuck at it through some difficult stuff. It would have been easy for them to give up, but they haven't..." With all that in mind I offer you this Friday Five:


1. Is patience a virtue you possess? If it is then does it come naturally, if not how do you/ did you work at it? Sometimes and sometimes not! I'd say I am more patient when it comes to people than to things. I have been waiting on changes with some of my clients for a very long time now, understanding that hurt and fear stands in the way and makes it hard for them to take even the smallest steps sometimes. But if my necklace chain tangles I have about one minute for that and I am DONE! My patience has been getting mightily tried this week as I have been attempting to get our wedding picture CD to cooperate. Technology is another thing I have NO patience for. I want it to work and work NOW! There are over seven hundred pics on a DVD and apparently this is way tooooo many as the programs I've tried keep telling me...to album, to organize, to file, to upload, to print....what's a bride (without a lot of patience) to do! So I just keep trying to be more patient....talking to myself and breathing. Humor helps, as does my sweet R who tells me to take breaks and "just take em all to the store and print 'em...what the heck!"

2. Being patient with ourselves can be a huge challenge, we are often our own worst critics; is there anything you need to be patient with yourself with at the moment? Well...see #1. Yes there is always something...my inner critics have some notoriety on my blog. My biggest self-criticism/lack of patience with myself of late is my lack of self-discipline in a whole host of areas. But then playtime has also increased dramatically (and that does require patience too when it involves geocaching) so maybe it's a wash.

3. Are you the kind of person who can/ will persist with a difficult task? How much of this is personality related? Yes. Despite what I said above about the people vs things business. I can and will do what needs to be done. Looking at the folks I know and thinking about some conversations I've had of late....I think this is pretty much part of us....whether by nature or nurture or tightly knit combo. I don't think it's something that changes much about us once we are much into our lives.

4. Can you spot when persistence turns into pig-headed-ness, or do you never get there? Oh I get there....I get there. Just ask anyone who knows me, they will be glad to tell you this.

5. Post a song or a poem that chills you out and helps you to re-group, re-focus and carry on?
This was somewhere on the net during Lent and I posted it on my computer to use for my morning meditation....I like it....it stayed and I still find myself going there to remember.....

Let Your God Love You
by Edwinna Gateley
Be still.
Alone.
Empty
Before your God.
Say nothing.
Ask nothing.
Be silent.
Be still.
Let your God look upon you.
That is all.
God knows.
God understands.
God loves youWith an enormous love,
And only wants
To look upon you
With that love.
Quiet.Still.Be.
Let your God—
Love you.

Bonus, a picture or a photo that speaks to you of patience or persistence....It was a long time coming......

Friday Five: I Would Put My Hand in the Fire for That

Mary Beth says: "There is a German expression: ich würde die Hand dafür ins Feuer legen, which means: “I would put my hand in the fire for that.” I learned it many years ago, while reading the Best Reference Letter Ever: written by a very distinguished linguistics professor for a student who went on to win a prestigious international scholarship. This student, he said, was destined for greatness; and he submitted his judgment with the certainty of the expression above.I’ve always held the concept as a very important indicator in my mind. “Would I put my hand in the fire for that?” I sometimes think, and it helps me to make a decision or see a situation more clearly. It’s similar to “is this the battlefield I want to die on?”These days (certainly as every day) there seems to be so much difficulty, wrong, pain, injustice, and mismanagement in our world, and I need a little revitalization. Often when I feel this way, I’ll write a list of things for which I’m grateful, but that’s certainly been done, and I need a bit of a stronger draught.So, what are five things for which would you put your hand in the fire? Things / people / causes in which you believe passionately and completely? This might be demonstrated in that you would take extraordinary (for you) action…donations, marching, writing letters…or merely in the way you live your life. You may give as much or as little detail as you wish."

1) Family. Starting with R and extending out to his people which are also now mine. This is a new and wonderful thing for me to belong in this way to a group of people who take this bond seriously. Even as the newest "outlaw" in the bunch I know without a moment's hesitation that I would indeed put my hand in the fire for him and his and that it would be 100% reciprocal.

2) I am trying to leave a smaller footprint. I don't know how passionate that sounds, but it is a steady, daily commitment. Trying to be conscious of my impact on the environment and walking more gently on the earth by recycling and reusing and being generally more conscious about the impact of my choices.

3) Communication. Spoken, written...whatever it is. I work hard at trying to be honest and transparent and clear. At not using words to manipulate or as weapons. I try to teach others to do the same.

4) My Spiritual Life. I have always been passionate about God. I would put my hand in the fire for God and my need for that relationship. Sometimes in my life that passion went off in some interesting directions. Sometimes the passion, like in any long relationship, had to be reawakened and revitalized (on my part of course...I'm pretty sure God's is more steady and unwavering). But in the end God/the relationship is always there and I could not live without.

5) Participating in Healing. I couldn't think of exactly the right word/phrase for this one....but I am passionate (at least most of the time) about being able to participate in this amazing thing that goes on for people as they discover their capacity to heal and recover from whatever they are struggling with when they come to therapy. To be able to offer them skills and tools and to be able to be there with them as they discover how to use them....well it's pretty darn amazing, and I'd stick my hand in any fire for the privilege of doing so.

Back to the Regular World...or Re-Entry Again

If I were accused of being a tad whiny about being back it could be true. If it might be thought that I felt a little put upon by this week's schedule of work and meetings and sermon prep, that also could surely be true. If anyone asked if I'd rather still be on vacation...definitely true! This is one of those weeks that has a tad too much in it even if it were not the first week back. But, none the less, I am being very efficient about it all, getting it read, watched, written, attended, laundered, stowed, picked up, ordered, and generally attended to. And it's making me tired and more than a little long-ish for the slower days of "what shall we do next" that went by all too quickly.

But at some level it is good to be home again. I'm "in the process" (no not that one, thanks be). This one is the name change process. Once again I'm asking myself what we did before the Internet. I found this absolutely wonderful little website that is walking me through, step by step everything I need to do. It has checklists and letters and forms and tells you where to go to find the other forms, like the one for social security and the one to order a new passport. Many, many many people need to know that I added a hypen and a name, it seems.

We are also beginning the wonderfully large and lovely task of thanking people. The generosity of family and friends was truly fabulous and we are aware of how blessed we are by them. It will be fun to revisit the cards and think again about each of them as we write our thank you notes.

But for tonight it's off to New Testament class. Our ministry team is growing and with new people in formation comes coursework again for all. Even review is good, because hearing things for a second time I hear things I missed the first! So off we go to discuss the the context of Jesus' time, ancient Judaism and the NT's authors....who, what and why. This time last week....I was eating Mexican in Houston with sunburnt feet. Time does fly.

Countered Out

I guess maybe it's time to say goodbye to my little wedding counter on the blog. It's been with me so long, it's kind of hard to imagine going to the blog and not seeing it there, but it really has outlived it's purpose. It isn't even accurate of course, because now it would have to start counting the other way.... up the scale in days after the wedding. And well, I think I have plenty of other things going on that I really don't need to do that.

The wedding was really a day worth counting down to, though, through all those three hundred and sixty some odd days. Everything was just as I had hoped it would be. Beautiful liturgy, lovely music, a great party, love laughter and celebration abounding. Even the weather was absolutely gorgeous. R looked so handsome in his Prince Charlie kilt get-up, our bagpiper played so splendidly and made us cry with Amazing Grace. My friend C's sermon was spot-on. R had arranged for us to have a carriage ride around town and then be delivered to the dance. It was so amazing. As the horses clopping and bells announced them, people would come out to see and call out congratulations to us. It was so sweet. The dance was a lot of fun, too. My feet wore out, but I loved watching R dance with his sisters and boogie out into the night. We are both feeling the effects of a little too much dance floor activity today (oops we are not as young as we think we are!) but it was worth every minute!

Today we opened gifts with friends, ran errands and got ourselves packed and ready for the Big Texas Roadtrip. Departure is tomorrow at 0600. We are looking forward to seeing Jimmy Buffett and ALSO RevGals along the way.

Life is good so far as Revdrkate H-K. I'm finding being married to this man very much to my liking, as I was quite sure I would after all the time we spent thinking about it and planning for it. Great adventures lie ahead...and the first begins tomorrow!

Three....

Yes, as my Facebook friend says, it is a Trinitiarian number. It's also a very small one. For which I am feeling grateful. And excited. I have been told I am not the world's most patient person. I don't always wait well. Well....I have been waiting, it seems ,for a veeerrrrrrryyy long time for May 15, 2010. And it's almost HERE. Other than excited, though, I am really calm. Not freaking out, not anxious, not worried. Just happy and oh yes, did I mention....excited?

I think everything is done, here, ready....whatever. R's groom's wear arrived. The folks had forgotten to ship it. Had a feeling when it had not appeared as a charge by Friday on our account. So he called them and "ooops!" So yesterday, there it was....and I did get to see a sneak preview via phone pics when he tried it on. OMG! He is gonna knock me over on Saturday! He is so handsome. Of course he just grins and says, "yeah, I can clean up ok."

I saw the Soul Sister's jackets for their dresses last night too. A local seamstress made them and each is unique to the woman. The sisters are all also going to be really gorgeous and are getting really excited. I'm so looking forward to our little slumber party shower. It's been tough since A moved away and we have had to talk with her each week by phone and computer....better than nothing but not like being together for real. Their friendship and being part of this has made it so much fun. From the beginning, it really has been like having sisters to share the process.

I really am submerged in gratitude right now. R is the best guy anyone could ever hope for. And I have the greatest friends anyone could imagine. Those who are very close here, and those who extend out IRL and virtually as well. I just feel very, very blessed by all of it.

Wedding Minus Six and Counting

I hope this doesn't sound irreverent, but I kind of feel like I do sometimes at the beginning of Holy Week. Lots happening, lots of things to plan for and do and be there for all week long, all culminating in a Big Day at the end with even more things to plan for, more things happening. It feels busy, a little overwhelming, but in the end you know it will all be wonderful and turn out just as it needs to.

Yesterday I kept hearing this little ticker in my head...."This time next week...." And this morning as we sat together at worship I realized that the next time we are in church for a service it will be to be married.

This has been an amazing week. We started out last Monday about $700 short of what we needed to make our budget for the wedding. To say that this was stressing me out would be an understatement. But I really tried to stop acting out of "functional atheism" and trust God, grace and abundance, and just put out there the idea that we have all we need and that it would be ok...somehow. And wouldn't you know, all week, money that has been owed to the two of us from various places has just been "coincidentally" arriving in the nick of time, and as of yesterday, we were within $20 of our goal!

So all is ready and all is well. The gifts for my attendants are wrapped, the little surprise favors that I have for everyone at the dinner are ready. My two totes for the church and the reception hall decorating are all packed. R and I have our "to-do" "to-call" and last minute "to-fetch" lists for the week. The Soul Sister attendants are psyched for our shower and slumber party Thursday and trip to the nail salon Friday. I finally found cute comfortable shoes! One pair for the ceremony that I think I can last an hour in, and a more "sensible" pair for the rest of the day.

The biggest challenge for this week is going to be to stay with each day as it comes and to be focused at work as much as possible. There are little helps along the way. Monday a yoga class, Tuesday a massage, so maybe I can stay a little bit calm. It will be, as one of my friends says, what it will be. And I'm here and counting.

Losing Time Fast

Time is moving along at a very FAST pace! I just got home yesterday from clergy conference. It is much more a tribute to the quality of the conference than anything about me that I was able to be present there at all with any quality of attention. Especially considering that up until sometime late Saturday afternoon I thought that the conference started on TUESDAY! It didn't. It started Monday, as it always does. But for some reason, earlier on the dates had been published as May 4-6, and those had been put in my head and my planner, those had been the dates requested off work, scheduled with clients...yeah, the whole nine yards. Saturday afternoon, I finally got my room confirmation telling me my room would be waiting at the retreat center on May 3.....May WHAT?!?!? Omigish......Well that set a whole flurry of stuff in motion! Fortunately, the conference does start later in the day, so I was able to go into work early Monday morning, get most the clients rescheduled to Thursday and get on the road. But it got my week off to kind of a wild and crazy start. I just told our receptionist to blame it on addled wedding brain. She just laughed at me. Yeah. There's a lot of that going around. The addled brain and the laughing.

The conference really was good though. Lots of reconnecting with folks, learning and reflecting, chances for moments of prayer and singing together. Tuesday we did Public Narrative. I'd been asked to give one as an example, then to be a "coach" as folks worked on theirs through exercises during the day in small groups. That was all good. Kept me focused and busy. Tuesday night I went to a small group talking about "Doing Small Well" talking about church starts that basically require nothing more than "two or three gathering" for the sake of the Gospel in a hurting a world. Hmmmmm...... Wednesday we had some work on what we might look like if we left the world of church as we know it behind and truly concentrated on God's mission. It too was good and thought provoking. We then had one of the simplest and most beautiful bare-bones Episcopal liturgies I have ever experienced led by our new Bishop. We are very blessed by him. He brought to conference Ana Hernandez, who did things like this with us
There was more like this....and singing bowls, and chanting with an instrument called a shrooti (or shruti) box, and praying with a drum. So it was very, very good....to go and be with folks and feel actually relaxed and present, and centered and focused. And sadly, to also realize how frenetic my prayer life usually is. I feel like lately I sort of "drop in" on God for a quick chat. Perfunctory visits in the midst of twenty other things that are getting done in a day. Being there made me miss my daily yoga practice, made me long again to sit meditation. Made me wonder again what did ever happen to that particular lovely little morning discipline. Well I know what happened. One day I just woke up and didn't do it. Or the next day, or the next. And then it was gone. And some how starting again has felt like too much. So I haven't. But with that practice went some other good things that I am missing and really would like to have back in my life. So I am setting an intention that post-wedding, post-Texas....I really am going to get that space reclaimed both in my physical and emotional world and get back to the quiet and the mat every morning.

But in the meantime....nine days. Really it's a week. Because it all starts on Thursday. Soul Sister A arrives from The South, we have the shower and our bridesmaid slumber party....and it all rolls on from there. My biggest stressor right now is the budget. I keep waking up in the night remembering all the things we forgot to put in the budget....my last hair appointment, the food for the rehearsal dinner for heaven's sake! We are running a tight ship here, and I tend to want to panic over these little things. But I am trying to get myself to go to abundance, and to remember to "breathe in, breathe out....move on." In my heart I know all really will be well. I just need something to stress about and this works as well as anything, I guess. At least I am not worrying about anything important....like the marriage! About that there are NO worries. This is only money, and it'll all be ok in the end, I'm sure.

So back to work today. Trying to focus on the tasks at hand. Paperwork needs to be done and folks to be seen. Meetings keep happening. So off we go.

Friday Five: Friendship

Kathrynzj says: "I spent the better part of last week on a continuing education cruise with a group of revgals. Both the class on hospitality and the connections made with friends (old and new) were phenomenal. I always have a difficult time with re-entry into reality from times away but this, aided by getting nailed with strep throat, has been more difficult than usual. Not only does it a take a few days (weeks? months?) for it to stop feeling like I am on a boat, but my heart misses my friends.In parish life the boundaries are clear and they are there for a reason, but it can make the life of a minister a lonely one. It is such a tremendous gift to spend a few days with women who not only are wonderful and gifted, but who also get exactly what you do and why you do it. The hugs are genuine and free and the laughter is awesome.Many of us have friendships - past and present - with these same qualities. And so today we will celebrate Friday with friendship:"

1) Do you remember your first best friend? What did you do together? Are they still in your life?My first "BFF(s) were a group of girls I connected with in eighth grade. Before that I was pretty much a loner, and teaming up with Dodie, Mare and Shorty (yes, we had nicknames, I was Jinx...who knows!?!) was a wonderful thing. I remember the blue mohair sweaters we all bought at J.C. Penney and wore with our uniform skirts, getting together at one another's houses after school to play games and gab, and just hanging out. We banded together initially because the cool girls wouldn't have us as part of their gang....but then we discovered that we actually did like each other. The three of them went off to the same high school and I veered off to "the Viz" and we lost touch. Maybe I should Facebook them!

2) Did you ever have to move away or have your best friend move away from you? Not until this year. Close friend Soul Sister A moved to South Carolina. But she's coming for the wedding and we are having a slumber party! Woo-hoo!

3) Are there people in your life now that you can call 'friend'? Thanks be, there are. In ways I would not have begun to comprehend at an earlier age. Richer, deeper, surer. And my best friend? I'm going to marry him.

4) What are some of your favorite things to do with your friends? Talk. Talk. Oh, and then there's talk.

5) What is a gift friendship has given you? Oh so many.... But the best one? To begin to see myself reflected in a different way in the eyes of those who loved me.... kinder, softer...than I would ever have seen myself with all those old critical voices I used to carry, opening the possibility for the first time that I could let them go, find the authentic me that lived within. I owe that to friendship and love. That's a great great gift. Along with acceptance and laughter and unconditional love and great hugs and secret code words....and way, way too many things to even mention.

Tell Me Your Story....

I actually have something to think about that has taken my mind off the wedding, and what's been even more consuming, the getting of the last details together for that trip to Texas for a little bit. Who knew that was even possible at this point! But it's true. My clergy friend D with whom I had all the great Millennium Development Goal adventures in "my year of living Di" as I like to think of it now, has been in touch recently. Seems our new Bishop has asked her to do some teaching on Public Narrative at our clergy conference next week. And she is turn is calling upon some of us who have involved with her in this process in our parish MDG projects to help "demo" by giving our own public narratives, being coached and then coaching others in small groups. "Oh, would you, Kate?" she asks...and of course, I said yes. Well what I said was (with some tongue in cheek) "it's not enough that I'm coming to clergy conference the week before the wedding, now I have to work too!"


So I have been working on my public narrative....which is basically a story in three parts, and goes something like this....
Part I Story of Self: I am calling you (my audience) to this challenge because of this about me....
Part II Story of Us: We have faced and overcome this similar challenge in this way.....
Part III Story of Now: NOW is the urgent moment we need to act on this challenge because....
And the best part....it all happens in six minutes!


So as part of my prep for this, I've been going back through some of the things I wrote during that year...and remembering. That was quite the time. There is no doubt that we did good work. We raised significant money for our project, which was important all by itself. But beyond that, I think for a time there I believed that we were going to transform something in a BIG way....the church, our parish, our individual selves maybe..... And while perhaps that did not happen quite the way I envisioned it, I think we did do some transformative work. The process changed me. I claimed myself as a writer because I participated in this. And I knew myself to be part of something larger in a new way. And I know it changed others, too. One of my congregants who participated as part of our team foun his own voice as a result of telling his story. Another, sad to say, found a well of anger in herself and decided to walk away from us. But that too is a part of growth and transformation. The fire burns both ways sometimes as it transforms us. It was quite a time as times of change are. Heady and wild, deep and full of the Spirit running among us. I remember at the training we had with the folks from the Kennedy Center. As we were drawing our diagrams and doing our brainstorming we declared so confidently that we were setting out to "DO the Gospel." And for a little time there, it seemed that we did. Missional church, right here, right now, burning among us. The fires have banked a bit, and I'm feeling a bit of sad nostalgia for those hotter times right now. As ever, balance is so challenging. But who knows, maybe telling the storis again will bring something back to life again. Stories often do. Isn't that after all, why we tell them?

There's a ONE in Front of THAT NUMBER!

WE ARE IN THE TEENS!

I have condensed all the small lists into one major one. There is really not much left on it. And that is a good thing...because we are in the home stretch here. We have pretty much done all we can and have to do until we are at the big day itself, or at least much closer. It is really too soon to get the food for the groom's dinner or haul home the extra tables and chairs. We can't decorate anything, dress anyone, cook anything. In short, right now, there is really nothing I can be in control of. And it's making me a little crazy. Just ask R.

It's all out there. The caterer, the DJ, the flower and cake people, the piper and the vocalists, the organist and clergy, the folks who are shipping R's wedding wear....all completely independent actors in this little play called "Kate and Rick's Wedding," and all capable of making choices that could change the day. Note I am sane enough still to say "change" the day and not big and awfulizing words like "destroy" or "ruin." The only person with enough power to do that is me. And for sure and certain I would not....and NOT over any of the people or things listed!

The thing is....we have the important things covered. R, me a license and clergy. Clergy? Oh my yes....and then some! For starters, we are being married by three of them...my two team members, CT and M, with able assist from my spiritual friend and guide C who will preach. Also available in case of some unimaginable clergy wipe-out, however....my attendant CMR is an ordained lay pastor, my one of my vocalists is also a lay pastor ( though I'm not sure if she has the power to wed), and there will be at least one Episcopal priest in the pews. And I'm sure there will be a witness or two present, as despite my earlier rant, there have been a few RSVP's in the affirmative. So we will be married. Affirming before God and all assembled what WE already know to be true....he's mine, I'm his. It's forever. Amen. And the rest is party.

It's just the planning for that party that has me kind of wound up. Wanting all the pieces to come together just right. And I keep thinking of things to add little touches of fun and surprise. But I think we really are there. I have my two totes packed, one for the church and one for the reception site, both brimful of those "little touches." There are still some ribbons to add and bows to tie, gifts to wrap for my "maids" as the bridal shop keeps calling them. I find myself running through the whole thing in my head trying to think of what I may have missed.

But in the end...it will all be what it will be. And it will be wonderful, I know. As my sweet and wise beloved keeps reminding me..."Breathe in, breathe, out...move on." Yes, dear.

Friday Five: What is There to Smile About?

Jan says: "With the end of RevGalBlogPals' third annual Big Event, I am wondering who went and what it was like. There must be a lot of smiling from the Big Event! Hopefully, the rest of us are not frowning either.So let us know how your past week was for you. Write five different aspects of the weekOR answer the following questions:"

1. When were you smiling lately? When my sweet guy came to pick me up at the shower my workmates threw bearing the beautiful flowers pictured above! He is such a keeper!

2. What happened unexpectedly to you this past week? I got an e-mail from a friend asking about "details and directions" for the wedding. It reminded me that I forgot to invite her and her sweetie. OOPS!

3. How was a catastrophe averted (or not)? See # 2. Invitation sent pronto!

4. What was the most delicious thing you ate? Jambalaya. Made by R from recipe in a cookbook my friend CMR brought him back from the Bayou (slightly modified for midwestern ingredients). YUM!

5. Did you see any good movies or read any books or articles? No, but I went to two really fascinating workshops on neurobiology, and how meditation and mindfullness actually changes our brains.

Sweet Events

As my sweetheart told me last night, "you have really nice friends." Yep, that I do. Coworkers, to be exact. Threw me a really lovely shower they did. We met at one of the local hotels, had drinks and dinner. There were little boxes of chocolates and nuts, decorations and cake, as you see. And presents....lots and lots of lovely presents. Gift certificates for pedicures and massages, a couple nice bottles of wine, some very nice little things for me to wear....of the black and slinky persuasion! There were cookie sheets and Tupperware, gift cards and wine glasses, a beautiful picture frame and an album for the wedding pics. All just very thoughtful and wonderful gifts.
And thanks to the very wonderful organizer, there were no silly games! She had talked to me beforehand about that and told me her thoughts on that....about which I was in total agreement. We had a drawing at the end for the violets that she used as centerpieces. I drew the names. That worked!

I picked up the service bulletins yesterday. They look really nice. One more thing off the list. And now the first social event has happened. We really are picking up steam here. OK....focus....back to work. Still have three weeks to go. Must. Be. Productive.

I Has Jitters

I seem to be sort of useless today. Having a hard time settling in to do the things I need to get done. I wonder if it has anything to do with the tick, tick, tick in my head....Twenty-four days. Or three weeks and two days....or 566 hours, 32 minutes and some seconds as the little counter on the blog tells me. I had an e-mail on Sunday night from a friend asking about "details and directions" for the wedding. All well and good, you say, except for one thing...I realized that I had forgotten to invite them! So now my brain has gone off on that little tangent. Who else, I wonder, have I forgotten? Or for that matter, what? Something...vital or not....that I was supposed to remember to do, get, take care of.....My lists are my friends. But in order for lists to be effective things have to be ON the lists.

Pet peeve of the day....people who don't RSVP. Is that something unique to this part of the world, or are people just universally not good about this? My invitations were, I thought very clever, with a little tear off post-card part for the rsvp....complete, or course with the stamp. All very simple. I have not heard a word from twenty people, yea or nay. So do I assume no news is a no and they are NOT coming? Obviously not, because I know for a fact that some of them really are! I told R that in my shrewier moments I feel like those who have not responded should have to stand and watch the others eat...but he, kind soul that he is, says, "no honey...we will just order extra, and assume more are coming than have responded." A couple people told me they "accidentally" threw out the response card but they are coming. Sigh. Oh well. At least I know.

My other meh for the day....the cleaner DID shrink my dress....not a lot, just a tich. It is silk and they washed not dry cleaned it. And now it hangs just a little different, pulls just a little er....snugger in a couple places. So I am trying to eat less and walk more and hope that by the 15th it will feel as lovely as it did before. The good news is that they did get the tiny coffee stain out. I am trying not to obsess about this. It is not the end of the world.

On the happy news front, our new cabinet has arrived and that and the new dishwasher are being installed this week. The cabinet is beautiful and it classes the heck out of the kitchen. The fact that we were getting it created motivation for new light fixtures which in turn caused ceiling patching and painting which triggered wall touch-ups....so the kitchen will be its best self ever very soon.

My workmates are throwing me a shower tonight. The last one of these I went to involved lots of er....interesting lingerie type items. I'm not sure if that is what they have in mind for me or not. But I appreciate the thought and I'm sure we will have fun.

I guess getting back to work , and at least trying to focus on the task at hand would be a good thing. I have a feeling this could be a portent of the next few weeks and my productivity level.....

Pack Your Bags Friday Five

Songbird says: "I'm preparing to pack my bags for the Big Event Three, and as I gather what I need I'm thinking about just that: what do I *need* to take with me? As a person who likes to pack light, I worry that in the end I may underpack and wish I had other things with me. I own the gigantor version of the bag to the right, but my morbid fear of having it go astray and not get to the ship means I'm more likely to try to pack it all in a carry-on bag instead, especially since I have a very tight connection on the way to the cruise. But won't I be sorry if I don't bring _______________?"

1) Some fold, some roll and some simply fling into the bag. What's your technique for packing clothes? As in most things, I have an eclectic style....a little rolling, a little folding, and when it gets down to the wire, I have been known to fling a thing or two. I like to do the roll things into things so they don't wrinkle, and also tuck the little stuff into shoes and other spots. Actually I think I am usually a pretty good packer. I lay everything out that I plan to take and then subtract half of it...and often still end up with more than I need! For our own Big Event, the upcoming honeymoon road trip to Texas, R and I have decided to keep it light so I'm challenging myself to see if I can pack almost as small as he does. I say almost because this is a man who could, I think tour the world for a month with all his belongings in a small paper lunch sack! So there will be much rolling, folding and tucking and NO flinging, as I attempt to pack a wee bag to tuck into the boot of Gladys the Cooper. Really though, what does one need for riding in a car, sitting on a beach in Galveston and hanging with 1) RevGals and, 2)Jimmy Buffett? Comfy clothes, a swimsuit and cute sandals, I'm thinkin!

2) The tight regulations about carrying liquids on planes makes packing complicated. What might we find in your quart-size bag? Ever lose a liquid that was too big? Oh those regs rankle! My first BE found me getting sent back to the check in counter to check my luggage as an alternative to losing a whole bunch of bottles as I hadn't flown in a while and had no idea there even were rules about 3 oz. bottles in baggies. The lovely people unpacked my entire carry-on right there in front of God and everyone and gave me the "option" of losing all my contact solution, lotions, shampoo and such, or "go check the bag." So, after repacking (no nearly so neatly as the first time...much flinging...) off I went! Had the best time once there, too....and if it weren't for this other l'il thing going on, I'd be there with all y'all this time!

3) What's something you can't imagine leaving at home? Contacts and their solution. Glasses fulltime on vacay...not an option! Everything else I can pretty much get...but I'm fussy about my "soak."

4) Do you have a bag with wheels? Never leave home without one unless I'm going on a very short hop with minimal stuff. Wonder how we ever traveled before them!

5) What's your favorite reading material for a non-driving trip (plane, train, bus, ship)? I am still a nervous flyer and have some problems concentrating, so anything I read has to either be pretty "fluffy" or very absorbing. I usually go with magazines on airplanes, or else pick a popular novel that I have already started so that I can easily sink into it once we are in flight. On the BE, there were WAY too many other interesting things going on to do any reading (like talk to RevGals and get tats!), and I don't have the opportunity to travel by bus or train these days.

Friday Five: On the Road Again

Sophia says: "My family is heading out to my husband's parents for the weekend later today. They would have preferred that we come at Easter, but I preferred that my choir director not bring my life to an early end! (Five liturgies to sing between Thursday and Sunday, two with major solos). So Low Sunday it is. Some Gals and Pals may have been able to travel to join family or visit a vacation spot last week; some who had to stay put then may be traveling this weekend; and, if I recall correctly, some lucky ones are heading out to the Big Event next weekend. Hence: a road trip Friday Five"

1. When was your last, or will be your next, out of town travel?

Last: Last weekend when I did "skip Easter" and we went to R's sister's house for the Holiday and I got to have a different kind of Easter worship experience which I posted about on the blog a couple days ago.

Next: Our own "Big Event" honeymoon road trip to Texas! can't wait to see me some Rev Gals, as well as go to that Jimmy Buffett concert, of course! And have some beachy time and soak up some HOT which I have been craving during this long cold Northern Winter.

2. Long car trips: love or loathe? Since the arrival of the splendid R and his cute little mini Cooper "Gladys" I have to say I have fallen in love....oh yeah, with road trips, too. It is one our favorite things to do together, near or far. Just jump in Gladys, open up the sun roof and Wheeeeeee.....off we go!!!!!

3. Do you prefer to be driver or passenger? I used to have to drive. It was all about that need to control, I think. Now, not so much. I can share...sit back and relax and see the sights, or take my turn at the wheeeeeeeel...er wheel as needed.

4. If passenger, would you rather pass the time with handwork, conversing, reading, listening to music, or ??? I can't read in the car....headache of major proportions. When it's R and I, we can never seem to run out of things to talk about. But we also like to sing along to the radio. Loud! I can knit and crochet....and talk and/or sing at the same time, so do those together. When traveling alone, I LOVE LOVE LOVE books on CD to pass the trip, especially since I seem to go back and forth and back and forth to the same places all the time and need to break the monotony.

5. Are you going, or have you ever gone, on a RevGals BE? Happiest memories of the former, and/or most anticipated pleasures of the latter? Oh, sigh...yes. This will be the first one I am missing, and if it were not for my own BIG BE on May 15th, I'd be cruising with all y'all with bells on! The first one especially was liminal, transformational and soooo amazing. The combination of where I was in my my own life, the "away-ness" of it all, the fact that I simply decided at kind of the last minute to go, there was space....it was all such a God thing. The second one was lovely as well. My best memories of that time were the night singing out under the stars and the moments spent in conversations.

6. Bonus: a favorite piece of road trip music....ANYTHING Jimmy Buffet sings is good for me...he will be singing us down through Tulsa, DFW, Houston and on to Galveston in May. He even gets to sing our first dance music at the wedding....

Yipes!

I signed on here this morning and looked at the little "how many days is it..." counter and realized there is a 3 as the first number. Oh. My. Goodness. Butterflies doing a little dance in my stomach. It must be excitement, because it can't be nervousness. Everything is done and ready. We went and registered for the license yesterday. In five days we can pick it up. The nice lady told us in our state they do not mail them because "if they get lost in the mail, well, it's not good." Yeah, I can well imagine! In filling out the form I was asked to fill in the "bride's name after marriage" and found myself writing my new hyphenated moniker for the first time. While we were waiting for the clerk to input our data into the computer R and I were making a list of all the changes that one hyphen will affect. New driver's license, new passport, new professional licensure....on and on. He asked me if I was sure it was worth it, to go through all this to add his name to mine. Because this is my thing, not his. He has no need of this. But for some reason it is important to me. Maybe because this came so late to me....this first and only marriage, the public aspects of it are important. And frankly, let's face it, because inside this strong feminist woman, beats a romantic traditional heart . There is a part of me that wants the world to know that I am publicly, legally and forever linked to RK. I am his and that is that. He likes to remind me that names and ceremonies are not the stuff that creates this bond, and I know this...truly I do. But I also know that ritual and symbol matter, too. Will we be more committed to one another on May 15 after the ceremony than we already are? Of course not! But having said that, I would not forego publicly celebrating that commitment, either.

So, right now, we are planning the largest party I have ever thrown. And yes, I am a little nervous, a lot excited, in those proportions. There was once a time when I literally could not entertain. Even small events would throw me into such a tizz that it was simply not worth the anguish. What if no-one came? What if it was a disaster? What if? What if? What if? That very anxious and insecure me still lurks, though I am able to soothe her most days. There is no doubt that people are coming and a good time will be had on this one! My lurking doubts on this one are things like catering and dj no-shows....but I am assured that even though the contractual arrangements are a bit more casual than my "big-city" past would find comfort in, all will be well and people will show and deliver at the appointed time. And if not....well, we can call out for pizza, and R has enough music in his iPod that we could dock it in a speaker set up and dance for days. We have two priests and a Presby minister on tap for the ceremony and enough guests have already said yes that I'm sure there will be a witness here somewhere. I am quite sure the two of us will appear....all the essentials are in place.It's all good. The dancing butterflies are excitement...not nerves.

Easter Comes Ready or Not!

It's not the first time in my life that I've thought that God might have a sense of humor...and that it might be just a tad on the dry side. It had been kind of a hard Holy Week....I struggled with the services....it felt like there were so many words, so much ritual, and I had such a hard time feeling a connection with it. It felt a little, well, stale....like old things done too often that had perhaps lost their meaning, at least for me this year.

Easter morning found R and I on the road motoring across the state. We had decided that since this was the first holiday since his dad's death, we really wanted to be with his family. So I excused myself from my place this morning and did a little research to find the Episcopal church closest to his sister's that would work out time wise to allow us to have worship and arrive for dinner with the family. Early this morning we headed out and as we were driving along and chatting about this and that, I was sharing some of my Holy week discontent with R and saying...."Gee I wonder what it would be like if there was an Episcopal church that used some of the praise and worship style music and liturgy that you usually find in more Evangelical churches, rather than the very traditional worship that we are used to?"

Well now I know. It turns out that the church we ended up in for Easter service had exactly that! There was a drummer, a guy on an electric guitar and the music was definitely not done in the traditional style. Some of the other aspects of the worship service were also done differently than I am used to. I found myself taken a bit aback by it all. I guess I am a little more traditional than I'd like to think. Or perhaps I can't be pleased no matter what. But it definitely felt a little like "be careful what you ask for."

The sermon was a definite bright spot however. "Where is Jesus, anyway?" was the question of the day. I think it's the question I wrestled with mightily through Holy Week....what do all the words and ritual have to do with Jesus? I don't know that I have an answer. The priest's answer to the congregation today was clear. Here. Here in this place. Here where you have those that love and care about and do for and serve one another just as Mary and John and Peter did. They did it, she said, even when they really didn't get it. So maybe it's ok if I muddle along ,too, not really sure about why I'm a little fuzzy on some of the fine points right now.

Big picture....Jesus is here too....in the love of my new family who seem to be taking me in....just as I am. In the gift of my sweet R, soon to be vowed forever mine in front of God and everyone! In the grace of simple things, in saying goodbye to our congregant P whom we laid to rest on Holy Saturday, in navigating well the changes that are coming in our team as we change and shift in our roles, remembering that just because we can does not mean we should and that working harder is not always what God really wants of us.

Three years ago today, I baptized a lovely little baby girl. One of her sponsors was a handsome man named R. There was something about that man that caught me....I never forgot him, and in forty two days.....I will be marrying him. Again I say, sometimes I really do think God has a sense of humor.

Happy Easter.

Friday Five: Good Friday

Sally says: "It seems almost irreverent to post a Friday Five on Good Friday, so I will try to treat it with some respect. I am still mulling over the darkness of last nights Tenebrae Service, the silence as we left was profound, and although I travelled home with others we did not speak, there was a holiness about it.....and yet we know that holiness was born of horror!So as we enter into this darkest of days I offer you this Friday Five:"

1. Of all the gospel accounts of the crucifixion, which one stands out for you, and why? Today, this year...John. It seems more focused on Jesus, less on the the atmospherics, the other details surrounding, if that makes any sense. That is where I am this Holy Week. Another year might get a wholly different response.

2.Do you identify with any people in this account, how does that challenge you? Peter...sigh...and I wish I didn't.

3. Hymns or silence? The hymns and many of the words, for that matter this year did not touch my soul. I think silence might have had a better chance.

4. Post a poem or a quote that sums up Good Friday for you? I don't know that it exactly sums up Good Friday...but it's a favorite and speaks to me about something that resonates with this day.....

No, no, there is no going back.
Less and less you are
that possibility you were.
More and more you have become
those lives and deaths
that have belonged to you.
You have become a sort of grave
containing much that was
and is no more in time, beloved
then, now, and always.
And so you have become a sort of tree
standing over a grave.
Now more than ever you can be
generous toward each day
that comes, young, to disappear
forever, and yet remain
unaging in the mind.
Every day you have less reason
not to give yourself away.
~ Wendell Berry ~

5.Is there a tradition you could not be without, a tradition that makes Good Friday, Good Friday? Once I would have said the Stations of the Cross. But this year there have already been too many words in Holy Week....so......maybe it's time for new traditions.