Friday Five: Child's Play Edition

Kathrynzj writes: "While traveling with my 4 year old we were both pleased to find a HUGE indoor playground. Now he can maneuver himself around those things no problem but I have found myself at the top level of what amounts to a glorified hamster tube more than once either rescuing an article of clothing or The Boy himself. There was a small part of me saddened to find that I no longer had the convenient excuse to be a kid and go up in the playground, but mostly my aging knees and back were quite happy to skip the experience.Maybe you are better at it than me, but my first-born, responsible demeanor rarely lets up enough for me to do frivolous silly things – like playing on playgrounds – without a good reason. My friend will stand up in a crowded restaurant and serenade me with an operatic rendition of Happy Birthday. My sister is very good at grabbing the joy in the moment. I seem to need a child to bring it out in me and even then… it takes a lot.Today’s Friday Five celebrates the spontaneous child in all of us… or at least the one that we admire in someone else:"

1) On a scale of 1-5, with 5 being "I can’t do this now, I am about to jump into a pit of plastic balls at the mini-mall;" and 1 being "I can’t do this now until I can get all of the fonts on my blog to match" – where are you? I am a newly hatched five and proud of it! Oh the joy of falling in love with someone who is unabashedly a twelve year old! Since meeting R and becoming more and more his partner in life (and crime!) lots and lots of little tight and squidgy places in me are unwinding. I was preparing myself for this I think, as last summer I had written a post or two about my process of finally learning to play, by going out with Soul Sister A and sticking my head in dead trees and getting bit by mysterious bugs while hurling myself into tall grass while geocaching. And learning to ride a bike again, and allowing myself to be silly and do things that had no apparent redeeming social value. But my playfulness quotient is rising daily. Twice this week I have caught myself going "wheeeeee" as I cruised off down the street on my (second) new bike of the year (Story in a later post). I find myself giggling often, and laughing to the point of "I can't breathe" on a regular basis just over sheer silly stuff. There is a new willingness in me to try things, take chances. I was looking at shore excursions for our dream honeymoon cruise, and I realized that there was very little there that I wouldn't consider. A far cry from the past uptight scaredey girl I used to be! Much more fun this way, indeed!

2) What is the silliest/most childlike thing you have done as an adult? Well, since I am relatively new to silly and childlike, I don't have a really big repertoire here to call on. Maybe I'll have to take a poll and see if I can fill this one in later.

3) Any regrets? That I didn't stop being so serious and start playing sooner.

4) What is the silliest thing you have ever seen another adult do on purpose? I can't thing of one specific thing, but I'm sure it had something to do with either alcohol or reality TV shows.

5) What is something you wish you did when you had the chance? I had the chance to parasail in Mexico one of the times when I was there, but fear held me back. I'm hoping that on our planned trip there next year that will be one of the things I'll get to do.

BONUS: For our ‘I told you so’ sides – what thing did you skip doing and you’re really glad you did! Jello shots.

Another Saturday in God's Country

It strikes me how little I've written lately, here or elsewhere. Sermons, a couple Friday fives, a few reports for work. It's feeling a little dry and of the "on-demand" kind of thing. I just popped into the office for a few minutes this morning. It wasn't on the agenda. Gazpacho was on the agenda. I'm taking that out to Soul Sister C's farm later today. We're having a going away party for SS A who is moving South. Way South. Yes the SS's are losing one of us, at least in the flesh. It's sad and hard and we are working madly to figure out how to use webcams and IMs to keep our little "SSBS" group intact and functioning. We know this move is good for A and her hubby. He has a fabulous new job that seems as if it were tailored just for him. She will have more opportunities for satisfying work in her field, too. And they will be a mere drive away from the beauteous granddaughter, instead of hours by plane. But we grieve this loss of her in our midst. So today we will eat and kayak and paint and laugh and do all the things that make us the Soul Sisters. Oh and cry of course, as we say "we will see you soon....when you visit, or we do." We are planning trips already. C's hub wants to see a football game in A's territory and we all say, "Road trip! Why not?" And we've committed to a once a year retreat together. We know that next May will find us gathering for a few days of fun and merriment for sure! But the reality is that long distance things are hard, we all know it and feel it. So the Soul Sisters are a little sad today.

I'm at the office because I had to find "something to do" at the little emergent-y church thing R and I are involved in. It is struggling right now. The "designated leader" who was very passionate, committed and charismatic has moved away and there is a definite leadership void. We are trying leadership by group but it's faltering on takeoff as the group dynamics are a little wobbly. We care about it enough to do a little rescue breathing but not to drown ourselves trying to save it....and sometimes that is a fine line. There are a couple more leader folks who feel the same way, and others who just seem to come along each week and see what transpires. In other words....church as usual! I have one church I am responsible for. I don't need or want two. But this place does meet a need for some folks so I hate to just walk away and let it die. So, given that this particular week, R and I know that if we don't step up...there will be nothing in the way of structure....I'm here on Saturday morning throwing together a little something. Fortunately, it is that! A reading, a few questions to spark discussion, a couple songs for the CD player....and the rest flies by the seat. Tonight R will make some hotdish and we will review what I've thrown together and we will be good to go. If only liturgy planning were always this simple!

My sermon for my own place has been done since Wednesday. This is week four of four and I'm feeling it. Fortunately RevC is recovered and we are back in our rotation again, so I'm not on again for a few weeks. As much as I enjoy celebrating and preaching, doing it every week with a forty hour day job gets a little stretchy! My sermons have been of the "ok" variety. I thought last week's might have needed a leash and collar but my trusted feedback said no, it was decent on delivery. HS all the way! I feel a little "meh" about this week as well. I seem to keep saying the same thing. And not that it's a bad thing to say. "God loves you beyond belief...Jesus is the great both/and...coming into history to show us who God is and who we can be....go and love one another and be the bringers of the kingdom." Said several different ways using whatever is at hand....pretty much the Good News of the week lately.

So it's good to be going off to a day at the farm and the lake. I get to try kayaking for the first time. That should be good for some laughs. SS A promises to take pictures, especially of any compromising positions I end up in. She feels she owes me for some reason. It could be the fact that I took some of her trying some "things" on at the Great Bridesmaid Dress Buying Event. I am looking forward to sun and water and love and laughter with my sisters and then coming home to an evening with my sweet guy. We may actually make it to the hot tub tonight if weather and schedules and timing permit!

"Friday Five at the Perfect Church"

Singing Owl says: "Please pardon me for talking about church in the summer when many of you may be on vacation. However, the church we are talking about today is the one you dream of. I've been thinking about this because I miss pastoring and preaching, because I am sending in resumes, and because...well...jut because. So have some fun with this. Tell us five things that the perfect church would have, be, do...whatever.We can dream, right?"

In the perfect church:

• We could all get in (Handicap accessibility which we don't have right now)
• We would would all get out and do (or realize as many are already doing) God's work in the many places our lives take us and not be confined to thinking that "church" only happens in that cute little building on the corner on Sundays.
• We would talk directly to (not about) each other.
• We would talk directly about our relationship with God and Jesus Christ. (Gasp! We are Episcopalians after all)
• We would give thanks for God's amazing grace and abundance in our lives here and now, be a less worried about perfection and and go be the church.

Friday Five: Games

In less than three weeks, my family, including children and their partners, will be gathering in Seattle, WA for 12 days. After various days in Seattle sightseeing and in Bellingham seeing family, we will travel to the coast of Washington State to spend three nights in a large rented house. With nine adults (from almost 20 years old and up), I am thinking that we need to have some activities pre-planned--like GAMES! (Any ideas will be appreciated.)So this Friday Five is about games, so play on ahead. . . .
1. Childhood games? I was an "only" by virtue of my late late birth, and grew up in a neighborhood where there were not a lot of other kids, so I played with the grownups a lot. We played cards...Canasta, Euchre, 500, Pokeeno, and some dice games. When there were other kids around I remember some hot summer nights playing Statue and Hide and Seek through the neighborhood.
2. Favorite and/or most hated board games? For some reason I was never a fan of Monopoly. It seeemed to go on forever and I just didn't get the point! I liked Scrabble and Trivial Pursuit when that came along.
3. Card games? Yep. Cut my teeth on em! Canasta was my favorite, though I was sitting in on Euchre hands at about age eight and was kind of a little ringer by about ten.
4. Travel/car games? Making up phrases out of the letters on the license plates, seeing who can find certain items, NOT singing 100 Bottles of Beer! Please, oh Please!
5. Adult pastimes that are not video games. Conversation....it really is not a lost art. Going for walks or hikes. Geocaching. Going to museums and plays. Reading. Painting. Playing musical instruments and singing. Learning a new skill. Gardening. Fixing something instead of throwing it out. Cuddling. Spending time with a kid or a pet. Traveling (even locally). Going to a concert. Going to the library. Visiting a shut-in or the nursing home. Calling or e-mailing or writing (on paper--gasp!) a friend. Blogging, writing or journaling. And all this in a small town where people tell me on a regular basis there is "nothing to do." Boredom? not in my vocabulary!

?Bonus: Any ideas for family vacations or gatherings? Croquet, Bola, badminton, bag toss...all those "old fashioned" games are great fun in groups. Especially if there is a little spirit of competition going!

Today's Sermon---Good News Even Here!

Sermon for Pentecost 6B Proper 10
Amos 7:7-15, Mark 6:14-29

I'm on a preaching run for about four to six weeks, depending on fast my colleague heals from her surgery. This is always a challenge of time-management with the day job and life in general, so I try to be proactive and work on my sermons ahead as I have the time. When I saw this Sunday's lectionary a couple weeks ago I literally said, "God, you have GOT to be kidding!" I thought about avoiding the whole thing by going with one of the OT readings or the Epistle, but I got to thinking that Mark is judicious what he includes, so you know, there's just got to be some Good News in there somewhere! So I set myself the task of finding it and this is what ensued. It preached pretty well this morning at my place, and I will be giving it another go in a little while at the nursing home.

A “perplexed” king, a seductive dancing girl and a beheaded prophet. What on earth does any of this have to do with Jesus? Well here it is before us in the Gospel of Mark, and we know that Mark’s purpose was to tell us of “the good news* of Jesus Christ, the Son of God”. How on earth does this work, we might wonder? Jesus does not even show up in this Gospel, let alone do any of the things he is usually about in Mark. So, what’s the point?

I have to admit, when I saw that this reading was the one assigned in the lectionary for this Sunday, my first reaction was less than enthusiastic. And I had to ask that question, too. Why on earth tell this story then or now? What could possibly be the good news here?

Let’s start with the big picture. John, as we know was a prophet. Just like Amos, whom we heard from in the Old Testament reading this morning. Prophets. The scriptures are full of them. In addition to Amos, we have Abraham, Moses, Samuel, Hosea, Isaiah, Micah, Jeremiah, Habakkuk, Zephaniah, Nahum, Jonah, and Ezekiel. And of course there were the women …Sarah Miriam, Deborah, Hannah, Abigail, Huldah, Esther and many many more. Prophets. Those who told the truth about God. Because that is what a prophet does. Whether he or she does it willingly and fearlessly or only after great prodding and with some reluctance…the prophet is called to stand and tell the truth that “God is here and wants you to join in relationship with God to bring about God’s kingdom.” The prophets appear when something has gone amiss in relationships. When injustice and opression are front and center, when hatred, not love are ruling…a prophet’s voice is heard crying out. And it is inevitably and always a call to conversion, a call to repentance, a call to acting like the kingdom of God is at hand right here and now.

Because that was John’s message…he said it at the very beginning when he burst out of the wilderness…”Repent for the kingdom of God is near.” And people were apparently stirred up by this wild and wooly man. This prophet John was not a mainstream kind of guy. He lived in the wilderness. He did not dress well or act refined. He was out there at the edge and he preached a rather unsettling message. And yet something about him and what he had to say drew people, at least some people, in. We hear in the Gospel that “The whole Judean countryside and all the people of Jerusalem went out to him. Confessing their sins, they were baptized by him in the Jordan River.”

The kingdom of God is near. Imagine a world where the radical love of God is the dominating force…a world where we would wage peace instead of war, where we would strive for generosity not acquisition, where justice and mercy would be common, and tolerance and concern for others would be an everyday thing. It would be a world in which it would be safe enough for all to be vulnerable, safe enough for all to live and love freely as God loves. God’s kingdom, the world we are created for in God’s great dream for God’s beloved ones. God’s kingdom is near….we need only repent. This very same message of God’s kingdom being near is not only John’s message but it is the one that Jesus preached and lived, and it is the same message that Jesus instructed his followers to proclaim. This is the good news and at least one of the reasons why this particular story appears in the middle of Mark’s Gospel.

Not everyone of course was happy with John’s message. The end to John’s life reads like something off the tabloid news. Herod had broken up his brother Phillip's marriage in order to take Herodias as his wife. John had confronted Herod with his message of repentance and the nearness of God’s kingdom, and talked to Herod about the problems with his marriage to Herodias, which upset her greatly. In order to placate Herodias, Herod had John arrested. This, despite the fact that we are told that Herod personally felt John to be a righteous and holy man, and even enjoyed listening to his “perplexing” message. At Herod’s birthday party, the evening’s entertainment was provided by the daughter of Herodias and Phillip, also named Herodias. She so enchanted Herod that he told her that she could have anything she wanted. She consulted her mother, who told her to ask for John’s head. Herod seemingly does not want to grant the request, but does not have the strength of will to refuse and look foolish in front of his guests, who had heard him make his promise to give her anything she asked. So poor “grieved” Herod does as she asks. And John, prophet of repentence and teller of truth bout the nearness of God’s kingdom, is killed.

Jesus continued to preach this message and to live it out in his own life and death. Repenting. Turning our hearts and our lives another way. The only way that God’s kingdom can come is to turn our lives to another way of being…not to the world’s way but to God’s. Entrance into God’s kingdom requires a choice to believe that in Jesus, God’s kingdom on earth indeed is near. And, more importantly as followers of Jesus we are the ones charged with carrying the prophetic message about that kingdom. The choice to do this of course is a challenging counter-cultural one. It flies in the face of much that the world says is important. Sometimes the message is perplexing. Sometimes it requires that we make hard choices and take risks, taking the chance that others will reject the message and even shoot (or behead) the messenger.
John’s listeners were encouraged to take action – “repent” is a verb. In its most literal sense repentance involves turning ourselves from one course to another, stopping, changing direction, setting off in a new way. And being a follower of Jesus may sometimes require that of us. As one writer pointed out, the earliest and most radical Christian form of confession was simple. “Jesus is Lord.” Not money or power or possessions are our lords and masters. Not righteousness, or winning, or being the best and brightest. Not getting it right, or being in control or triumphing over. In the kingdom of God, Jesus is Lord. This Jesus who gave us one commandment -- to love one another as God loves us. John urged his listeners to prove their spiritual intentions by concrete deeds. Perhaps repenting, then, is not the only verb required. Love, too is demonstrated in action, turning our lives more and more to resemble this Jesus whose disciples we are by virtue of our baptismal covenant. As another prophet, Micah tells us, to “Do justice, love kindness and walk humbly with your God.”

John’s prophetic call was to repent, to make our crooked ways straight, to flatten the hills and to make space for the coming of God’s kingdom here on earth. May it be so. Amen.

Friday Five: Exercise

Sophia says: "I just got back from an 8 mile bike ride down the beach boardwalk near our home, and was struck with the number of people out enjoying physical activity. Runners, other cyclists, surfers, swimmers, dogwalkers, little kids on scooters....It's easy to lose track of my physical self-care in the midst of flurried preparation for a final on-campus interview Monday for a college teaching position in the Midwest (prayers welcome!) and the family move that would accompany it. But each day that I do make time to walk or ride my bike it is such a stress reliever that it is well worth the time invested!So how about you and your beautiful temple of the Holy Spirit?"

1. What was your favorite sport or outdoor activity as a child? I have just been having some great conversations about this with R as we visited my old hometown. As a kid I loved to ride my bike and would do so for hours and for long distances. My favorite ride was out to a beautiful park that is built up on the bluffs overlooking the Mississippi River. I'd ride out there with my journal and literally spend the day, riding, dreaming, writing and thinking. As we drove up and through the park it brought back great memories of those days, and also amazed me a bit with my ability to do those hills!

2. P.E. class--heaven or the other place? Oh the other indeed! I was a chubby little unathletic kid. The classic "last one picked" for all the team activities and the child the PE teachers loved to hate. In high school as students from the Catholic girls high with no gym, we were bussed across town to the public school gym for PE and were subject to the catcalls of the guys as they watched us do our jumping jacks in our cute blue jumpsuits out on the track. I managed to wipe out on the cinder track in fine form the week before graduation and graduated in a knee brace. Oh, yeah...I loved PE!

3. What is your favorite form of exercise now? Yoga gave me back my body. It was the beginning of my actually beginning to reside in myself. I also like to walk and to do anything that feels dance-y. Biking is coming back into my life, too. I bought myself a bike for my birthday and R and I took our first cruise the other night. It was quite an adventure. He had a flat that required bike shop intervention. I lost a pedal! That one meant we had to walk the bikes over to his work, so he could get some tools to put it back before we could ride home. While there we discovered that my tire needed air, so we had to detour to the gas station. But it was fun anyway, and we are hoping that we worked all the kinks out!

4. Do you like to work out solo or with a partner? It depends on the activity. Yoga is a solo thing for me, walking and biking, I like a friend along but will do alone if need be....other "exercise for the sake of exercise" is a necessary evil and I'll do it however.

5. Inside or outside? Again, depends... but outside overall and strangely enough, the hotter the better. Heat and humidity energize me. Nothing like yoga on the beach, or a bike ride with the air blowing on a hot day. I know....people tell me all the time. But it works for me!

Bonus: Post a poem, scripture passage, quotation, song, etc. regarding the body or exercise. While this isn't about the body or exercise exactly....it came to me from one of my yoga teachers at a yoga retreat in Mexico that was a very special experience in terms of reclaiming my body and so it does have that connection for me.....

The Guest House by Rumi
This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all!

Even if they're a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.

Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.

You Can't Save All the Starfish...Can You?

As anyone who reads this blog knows, I have been a freely admitting and unabashed Pollyanna about humanity most of the time. My stance has been that I will, until proven otherwise, give folks the benefit of the doubt, believing that their behavior makes sense (at least in their little scheme of things) and that generally they are doing the best they can to get by, and that when they do things that are stupid, hurtful and thoughtless, they really don't mean them in the worst possible way. I excuse a lot, and let people get by with a fair amount. While in many ways this is a trait I like about myself, I think it is also a form of denial that has kept me in some rather insane situations longer than I needed to stay there, and that has allowed others to manipulate me right under my nose while I blithely went along in complete blissful ignorance. R will tell you right up front that he is far more pessimistic about humanity than "Polly" is. When we were first dating we laughed about that bell curve....he the outlier on one side, me on the other. So the two of us together....a good balance?

He has helped me attain some very important clarity about at least one instance of Polly being manipulated by someone. This was a very good thing as it had gone on way too long and it was way past time for clarity. The funny thing was....he didn't have to say a word. He simply witnessed an exchange between me and this person. That was all it took....me observing him observing us....a small mid-course correction, and suddenly I was balanced in a whole new way in that relationship, walking with clarity and confidence along that particular tightrope .

We have been having some serious talks this week about how and with whom we choose to spend our time and energy. Polly still wants to save the world, but she is very, very tired. And she is beginning to see that not everyone wants to be saved. Some of the starfish will persist in crawling back onto the shore no matter how many times you toss them into the ocean. They are that determined to self-destruct. So it is about discernment, too, I guess. I cannot work harder on other people's lives than they do. I have known this professionally for a long time. Perhaps it is a truth that needs to come out into my personal world. I think saving people has been one of my avocations as well as my job. I have been drawn to the wounded birds and the strays. To the needy ones. Yes, it had its payoffs....and its costs. And I think I'm done. After all, you can't walk the tightrope with any kind of grace when your pole is being gabbed by others. It is my pole and I need it for balance. Maybe it's time I take that a little more seriously.

That Balance Thing

I'm starting to feel like a blogger slug. I write posts in my head, or at least I begin them. But for one reason or another, they never make it here. One of the reasons is time. There is, it seems, never enough for all the things of life. And the strange thing is, I am doing so much less than I used to! When I think back to those Energizer Bunny days when I taught at the college, overfunctioned wildly as a priest, and seemed to think I needed to put in an extra ten or so hours a week here at the day job, I am not sure how I did it or what I was operating on. Fumes would be a good guess. By comparison these days it seems I am doing very little. I come to work at six-thirty or seven and am usually out the door at five. Most days I do not work through lunch. My sermon writing is done in the early mornings or in the spaces afforded me in my days, not in long Saturday marathons. Sometimes there are community or church commitements, but for the most part, evenings are spent in some sort of personal pursuit, either the necessary activites of keeping body and soul together, a house running, my pets content or, better still, doing something good and wonderfully restorative....with R, with my Soul Sisters or other friends, or even alone.

But in the midst of this, blogging, and writing in general have slid a bit. I don't mean to ignore my virtual friends. This balance thing is challenging and I have never seemed t0 be able to get the hang of quite how to do it. House, yard, church , pets, shopping, tending, people, writing, meeting, working, doing, being, seeing.....*sigh*

When I was a kid I fell off the teeter totter in the park and whacked my head. I didn't have a whole lot better luck with the horse. Yep. Balance. It has always been a challenge.

Friday Five: Life is a Verb

Jan says" Jennifer recommended this book, which I got because I always value Jennifer's reading suggestions. The author of Life is a Verb, Patti Digh worked her book around these topics concerning life as a verb:
Say yes.
Be generous.
Speak up.
Love more.
Trust yourself.
Slow down. As I read and pondered about living more intentionally, I also have wondered what this Friday Five should be. This book has been the jumping off point for this Friday."

I loved the title of this Friday Five! Just last week "cake" became a verb in my life as I was caked several times over on my birthday in a way that did have great intentionality and gave me foo for thought as well as great enjoyment on many levels. So this seems very timely.....

1. What awakens you to the present moment? I think I'd have to say remembering to choose to be awake. Sometimes this happens spontaneously, and sometimes requires the help of the little reminders I keep around me of the times when I was awake. When my spiritual disciplines are going well it is more effortless and tends to be more flowing and natural and there are fewer times when I have to "ping" myself gently and say, "Kate, it's life, wake up, you are missing it!"

2. What are 5 things you see out your window right now? I am cheating a little and including the things I see in my window because I am at work and have a lovely view of a parking lot....IN the window are two plants and several rocks and crystals that come from various places I have been when I was....yes...awake! Also there are a star that says "hope" and a tiny metal plaque that is inscribed "Love with an open heart" that was an ordination gift. A cross with prisms that make rainbows on my wall in the afternoon sun hangs from the blinds.

3. Which verbs describe your experience of God? Personal, energetic, loving, endless, faithful, knowable and not knowable, deeper and deeper still, quirky

4. From the book on p. 197:Who were you when you were 13? Where did that kid go? A shy, smart dreamer, a budding theologian, a poet, a musician, an artist. A young girl trying to find her way. Unfortunately she got lost doing so and wandered for many years after having met with some unfortunate detours and difficult circumstances that stifled and silenced her....for a time. The good news is that she has found her self and her voice and claimed her creativity and she is found and being nurtured into full expression.

5. From the book on p. 88:If your work were the answer to a question, what would the question be? What is the thing that you never knew you wanted, sought for a long a time, finally found and would do even if no one paid you. (This is true of both of my "jobs" as therapist and priest).

Bonus idea for you here or on your own--from the book on p. 149:"Go outside. Walk slowly forward. Open your hand and let something fall into it from the sky. It might be an idea, it might be an object. Name it. Set it aside. Walk forward. Open your hand and let something fall into it from the sky. Name it. Set it aside. Repeat. . . ." I think I'll save this one....based on my car, all that seems to fall from the sky with any regularity here comes from the bottoms of birdies. 'Nuf said.

Time Travelin'

We took a little trip in the time machine this weekend. Well actually we took a trip in the Mini Cooper, but the roads we travelled led down to my hometown for a bit of nostalgia and a peek into the places of my past. It's been decades since I left, and geographically a lot has changed there. New businesses and freeways, the riverfront has been dramatically changed with the addition of a convention center, riverboat casino and Riverwalk on top of the flood wall. It's very definitely a city focused on the tourist trade, and yet.....it is not a cheerful place. The natives may not be restless, but neither do they appear to be happy for the most part. Many of the everyday walking around folks have frowns, that judging from the creases, seem to be a permanent part of their facial landscapes. The folks who provide services are often crabby and seem to feel put upon by the need to be gracious to the traveler. The "Thank you for coming," and "Have a nice day" are often barked or growled, and we were pretty sure that was not what they were really thinking. I was reprimanded twice in a mere two days there for "infractions" of rules. R asked me if I remembered the town in this way. It's hard to know, as growing up I was steeped in whatever mood the place had, and it's hard to recall it objectively. But as I think back, maybe there was a general unhappiness, a dourness of mood. Maybe this is part of what I left to escape. I knew there was something I could never put my finger on. When I was growing up there, it was an industrial town. Some people made good livings from the union wages paid by the two big companies. Many others just eked by. It seems much more prosperous now, overall. But apparently it is not a whole lot happier place. I used to say that you could toss a kleenex on the street and come back three years later and it would still be there, because in this place time stood still. While this is no longer true in some ways, perhaps it in others it remains so.

We had a good time, none the less. We did all the required touristy things. We took the riverboat sightseeing tour and rode the funicular cable car that goes up and down the bluff. We walked in the lovely bluff top park that was my home away from home for much of my adolescence and early adulthood. We "did" the Riverwalk and saw all the places that were parts of my early life....the house, the church, the schools that knew me when. We ate, we shopped, we bought candy at the local candy shop. It was a good trip, and I'm glad we went for lots of reasons. Traveling together, we learned more about each other, and I have another interesting piece to put into the puzzle of the things that shaped and formed me. It was good to go, but it was also very good to come home again.

The Best Birthday-In Which Cake is a Verb

At this point in life I really had stopped caring very much about birthdays. I mean, really, it's just getting older, right? And for the past several years there hadn't been much to them, and that was just fine. Because who cares, really? It's just another day, another year. And cake? Who needs cake? That's the best defense to use when you know that the only cake you'll have is the one you buy yourself, which was the only way I knew to have a cake, or a birthday. Until now.

Because apparently the times they have changed, and I have entered a new realm in which birthdays, no matter what number is attached to them, are an important event to be noted, acknowledged and celebrated. And, most importantly, they are to be CAKED! I think I may have mentioned before that I have fallen in love with a man who cooks. Well he also bakes a mean cake. For the birthday, we had cheesecake. Cheesecakes plural in fact. One for the Y church folk on Sunday and one for me to take to work and share with the day job peeps on Monday. Lovely cheesecake. Just right, light, cheesy, just sweet enough. Two toppings....blackberries for those who absolutely felt they had to con themselves into thinking this was health food and caramel pecan for the rest of us. And today the soul sisters are having a little chocolate number with white frosting adorned with coconut. Three of the four of us have birthdays in a two week span....so R says not to cake this would just be wrong.

There was also a wonderful present. I got a Gerber Multi-tool from R to carry in my little black purse. It will, I am convinced make me pretty near invincible. So far I have used it to take the tea lights out of the holders after worship at Y church, tighten someones eyeglass frames, open beer, and have showed it off to a few (I am sure) envious people. I bought myself a new bike. I have yet to ride as the weather has been yucky, but I think I understand the workings of the 21 gears thanks to the patience of my sweet guy.

There were cards by both virtual and snail mail and greetings on Facebook (how cool!). There was a singing message on my phone and the wonderful handmade card from my seven-year old friend left on my door. There was dinner out at the Mexican restaurant where we had our first date (his surprise) and the movie UP.

It was, in short, just about the best birthday ever. I felt loved and cherished, important and cared for. If all birthdays are like this, they might make it worth getting older!

Sermon for Sunday June 1, 2009

John 3:1-17

Nicodemus, a leader of the Jews, came to Jesus in the dark. He came seeking something this baffling and often infuriating rabbi. He had some questions for him. We are not sure why he came in the dark. Caution? Fear? We are not sure for that matter, why he came at all. To entrap Jesus? Or because he truly wished to learn from him? Whatever it was, it seems that before the end of the story he got a bit more than he bargained for. Jesus says to him that in order to see the kingdom of God one must undergo some sort of rebirth. The word Jesus uses is to be born "anothen"—a Greek word that can mean either born "from above" or "anew."

Nicodemus is confused by this notion, assuming that Jesus has in mind a physical birth. Or perhaps he was doing what we all do sometimes when we don’t really want to hear what we suspect we are being told. You know, something we don’t want to face, it’s too much truth so we get sort of caught up in the minutia so as not to have to hear the message? Because remember Nicodemus was a law abiding fellow—righteous and educated. He knew the rules and the laws and he followed them, and probably felt pretty secure about the place that his religious observances secured for him. He had likely heard about the baptism of water and about repentance and living within the law. But the message here is that being in the kingdom of God is about more than just being law abiding and in control and following the rules. In His discussion with Nicodemus, Jesus reveals much about being "born anew."

Jesus tells Nicodemus that the nature of this new birth involves both water and the Spirit. I love the imagery that John uses in this whole passage. Think about birth itself, a process that we are not in charge of where we are thrust pretty unprepared into a new and foreign and probably pretty scary environment. You know if you think about it, there is probably a reason most of us don’t remember being born!

And then there’s water. It can be cool, cleansing and refreshing, but it can also be powerful and overwhelming. We have only to think of things like floods and tsunamis to visualize the power of water unleashed and remember that it is something that we are not in charge of and do not control.

And Spirit, the image we often are given is the wind, it blows where it will. And out here we know about wind, don’t we….that it can generate power but it can also send your trash cans sailing down to your neighbor’s house in a heartbeat. We can’t see the wind, but we can see its effects. And it is surely another of those things that is not ours to control.

See the theme here? Perhaps what Jesus was trying to tell Nicodemus that what was important was not a certainty based on understanding and following the law, but about letting go of control and letting God have at us, trusting in God’s love for us—this God who “so loved the world that he gave His son so that we might not perish but have eternal life.”

We like the feeling being in control. We, like Nicodemus, like to know what the expectations and parameters are. It gives us a sense of safety and security. It keeps us away from that dark edge of the abyss that sometimes lurks there, reminding us that though we may like to think so, we are not in charge! We like to have some ironclad standards by which we can decide what is ok and what is not. We like to know when we have done enough. We like to feel that we understand that rules so we can measure and judge—ourselves, others, our lives, our accomplishments. We like to line things up in neat rank order so we can say “This (or we) are ok and acceptable, this is not.”

But the Gospel story today tells us, “forget that notion,” It is not about that in God’s kingdom. It is about surrendering, about giving up the idea that by just arriving on the planet and doing all the right things in all the right order we can make it all come out ok. No, Jesus says—we must begin anew, be reborn, from a place that is more than us, greater than us, we must allow ourselves to be washed by that water, which not only washes away the stuff we don’t want but sometimes also the stuff we do, and be pushed by the wind of an unruly spirit that we don’t direct or control and may take us places we don’t feel quite comfortable going. He asks that we surrender to the cleansing and blowing and let ourselves be birthed and changed, transformed and converted. This does not sound like a tidy, predictable sort of process, does it? It sounds more like something that requires something rather radical in us in the way of trust in God.

It requires in us that we allow for the possibility of real change, giving up security and that old illusion of control, really letting ourselves be converted, surrendering and being willing to let ourselves be taken into new and sometimes scary places. It’s about accepting that we don’t have all the answers and we are not always as smart as we’d like to think we are.

It asks that we remember that we are charged as Christians with the bringing about of God’s kingdom on earth. And if we think about it, Jesus, our role model, did not behave in safe and predictable ways, but practiced radical hospitality with the poor and the outcasts, challenged the status quo and spoke the truth against injustice, even when it was dangerous to do so.

Being born anew means testing our limits, ourselves, and sometimes our faith. It means not simply throwing out the rules, but being willing to go beyond them if that is where the spirit pushes us to go. It means we never really get to be in that comfortable place that says, “Ok, I’m done now, all safe and secure, I know what is expected and I’ll just do that and be saved.”

Ultimately it really is about surrender…. For each of us there is something….. Something that needs to be washed or blown from us be born anew? It is something different for each of us…
Some of us have to give up knowing for certain, of figuring it out, of believing that our brains and logic can save us.
Some of us have to give up our ironclad belief in “my way” or “one way” to entertain the notion that God really is bigger than our minds can grasp,
Some of us have to let go of doubt that God is working in our lives and
Some of us have to let go of our certainty that we understand what it is God wants of us.
Some of us have to give up the quest to be perfect and just let God do God’s work in us,
Some of us have to give up our woundedness and allow ourselves to believe that healing is possible.
Some of us need to give up our discoursing and some of us need to lose our silence.

We are, each of us beloved of God, baptized in water and the Spirit. May God move in us, and help us to know what it is to be fully born anew, fully alive in God’s love. Amen.

Friday Five: Moving and Changing

Sally says: "The theme of change is dominating my thinking at the moment, this morning my husband Tim has headed off for an interview in Sheffield. The West Sheffield Methodist Circuit are looking for an Evangelism/ Mission Enabler, in may ways this would be Tim's ideal job, but we wait on God... ( if you can spare a prayer today we'd be grateful)...Sheffield is a commutable distance from my new post as Minister in Sherburn-in Elmet and some of the surrounding villages, before Tim gets home I will have left to join the Leadership team there for an away day on Saturday, I'll be staying the night with the current Minister in Sherburn to talk over some of the practicalities of the post.ALL IS CHANGE.... and although I am looking forward to it, it is not without a sense of trepidation, as change always brings challenges.Changing location also means packing, so next month will be a month of clearing and sorting, deciding what comes and what gets left behind...So with change in mind I offer you this Friday five; ( if you've never moved here's a chance to use your imagination)"

This comes at an interesting time. While there are no moves in the immediate future moving has been on my mind. Things have been moving out as XDO and I finally get the last of our things sorted. And this has triggered a cleaning and purging binge as I have this urge to see bare space everywhere. R will be moving in (though not for a year or so), but we are thinking ahead to space use. And in long-range planning, he and I are planning a Big Move to points South, so that, too, figures into the urge to purge.

1. A big move is looming, name one thing that you could not possibly part with, it must be packed ? I think this time I really do have to take the piano. It is piano number four. Every time I move I leave them behind because it "the practical thing to do" and "I really don't play all that much." But then I grieve and have to get another one. So I may as well move the durn thing!

2. Name one thing that you would gladly leave behind...Bad memories and the dirt I can't seem to get out of the corners in this old house.

3. How do you prepare for a move a. practically?b. spiritually/ emotionally? I learned a lot from the last move (which was my first "real" adult one from one geographical location to another) that will stand me in good stead for the next. Practically--the word is PURGE! And that has already begun even though R and I are not planning to go anywhere for at least five years or so. I am never again moving a bunch of crap I don't want or need. In fact I don't even want to live NOW with a bunch of that stuff. I think it has implications for b. as well. I feel possessed by my possessions when they begin to encroach. And it had reached that point. Before I moved from my house in the Big City, I spent more to get rid of the stuff I was not moving than I did to move the stuff I brought here. Between the dumpster and the appliance movers and the hazardous waste fees...argh! Never again! So it goes now and stays gone, and when it's time to move, I hope the the only things I have to pack will be the things that are important and useful.

4. What is the first thing you look for in a new place? Before I ever moved here I had "requirements." Must haves 1) Episcopal church, 2) yoga teacher or classes and, 3) at least some kind of lake or river within reasonable commute. The rest is negotiable. For our next place the list is pretty much the same only we have expanded the water to an ocean and added "no snow--ever again!

5. Do you settle in easily, or does it take time for you to find your feet in a new location? I am thinking back to when I arrived here in small town on the prairie, now coming up on seven years ago. It was the second big move in my life, the first undertaken when I was too young to understand the implications of such things. This one was done with consciousness and a desire to develop community, so I was very deliberate about my "settling" process, seeking out opportunities to meet people whom I thought might become friends. I joined the church (of course!), a book club, tried out for the community theatre, joined a women's chorus. Some of the activities worked out over time and some did not, but I gained some of my dearest and closest friends and did feel that this place became home for me as I "settled in" rather well.

The bonus for today; a new opportunity has come up for you to spend 5 years in a new area, where would you go and why? NOLA....no doubt. Ever since Katrina I have felt pulled there and an actual sort of sense of call to go there and try to be useful in some way. Unfortunately life just hasn't allowed for that up until this point. When we went on the BE and I had a day to wander, that sense of interest and desire intensified. Now as we are beginning to think about destinations for our honeymoon, it's definitely on the list, and maybe as a "relocation" possibility in the five year plan.

This 'n That on Monday

I am apparently not as young as I'd like to think. This is the message my body had for me this morning as my feet hit the floor. "Ouch" said my back and my quads and my hammies. "Oooh" said my triceps and forearms. The bottoms of my feet and my hands chimed in, as did my knees and neck. This all resulted from the heavy duty hauling and schlepping that constituted most of my weekend. XDO and I have finally gotten around to another movement of our little symphony, that being the division of the last of the stuff.

My house, though it is in town, is graced with "outbuildings." I have two garages and a wee little pumphouse. Somehow in our six years here, we have managed to fill them, plus the four rooms of our basement, with an incredible amount of junk. A lot of it came with us from the Big City. In fact we moved an entire rental truck full of just yard and garden down here....including rocks, dirt and landscape lumber, in addition to the usual tools, hoses and such. We also have more flower pots and garden fol-de-rol than any two people could ever use in a lifetime. The basement is graced with crap and crud related to toolage and painting and pets and projects that will never be completed. Much of this, too moved here with us. Since XDO moved to an apartment, all such remained behind and pretty much was not dealt with last year. But I am now a woman on a mission and I want my three outbuildings and my basement CLEANED! So it has begun. Into the piles we go..XDO, burn pile, Habitat's Re-Use Store, Goodwill, the dump, the city's hazardous waste collection site....and once in a great while, a "keeper." I am ruthless in this. If it does not have almost immediate use or great value-GONE! The back garage and pump house are sorted as are two rooms of basement. Some of it actually got moved to XDO's. Other piles await their final destinations. Some, alas is still at the bottom of those awful basement stairs! There are still two rooms of basement to be done. One that, thanks be, is small and almost empty. The other, *sigh* is full of tools and other accumulated detritus that has the potential for a bit of wrangling. I must remember it is only stuff. Stuff I paid for, stuff I feel ownership of and want to say "mine, mine, mine" about, but stuff none-the-less. And it ain't worth fighting over.

We were, for the most part civil with each other. I worked very hard to let my spirit be one of lovingkindness. I asked for prayers. I feel sad and weary today. My muscles are not the only things that hurt. I listened with my heart to the comments on my "String" post. You are wise my blog sisters, and echo what I hear from others. Yes, loving XDO is a hard thing. It involves letting things go and letting things pass. It means allowing for and not reacting to. It also means that I say no to some things and yes to others (and we aren't talking about hoses and hoes, here). It means I have to watch and listen and discern. It means I have to walk carefully amidst the shards of this broken thing we share.

This part will be done soon. There will be other parts. Lives wound together as long and complex as ours were do not come apart easily. I slid for awhile. Now I get to do some work on this again. Deconstruction. If you do it well, sometimes you can make good use of the bits and parts that come out of it. It's not all trash in the end and you end up with more than simply sore muscles and a burn pile.

Friday Five: The Big To-Do

Kathrynzj says: "Greetings from the land of the Big To-Do!It seems like every year I enter into the summer with a growing list of HUGE projects/events/trips that seem to have a permanent place on the 'to do' list.This year I have a huge move pending so that takes up an entire list all on its own, but it doesn't take a big event like that for me to make plans bigger than my summer can hold!How about you?Is this the third summer in a row you have made a pledge involving your garage and actually getting a car into it?Did you once again miss the registration deadline for the continuing education event of your dreams ?Are you starting to think you couldn't even find the tents, let alone get it together to pull off a camping trip?Here is your chance to get it out into the open and OWN your Big To-Do! Who knows? Maybe making the list will help you move the Big To-Do to the Big Ta-Da!"

This comes to you this morning from the land of procrastination. It's 7:45 and I have just arrived at the day job office. I had planned to be here at 6 this morning. The "to-do" was the sermon for Sunday....It is, alas now a still-to-be-done. So WTH....might as well procrastinate a little longer and play this F5!
1) What home fix-it project is on your Big To-Do? R and I are building a deck on the back of the house this summer. I am optimistic that we will get it done. That's not so much about me, but what I am learning about him is that when I say, "gee let's..." we DO! We have already taken out a stairlift in the house and removed an access ramp out front, planted a garden and generally spruced up the yard, as well as done a number of small projects around the house that have been sitting literally for years. We find we work well together and have fun, too. I love that he is taking interest and ownership in a house that he won't even be living in for almost a year yet.

2) What event (fun or work) is on your Big To-Do? That would be that Big Event to which the countdown refers....One wedding that is now LESS than a year away. We really have a lot underway or planned already, but it's fun to talk and dream about details. We are talking about honeymoon spots...any suggestions?

3) What trip is on your Big To-Do? Mid-June we are planning a little road trip to my hometown in Iowa to see the places I haunted as a kid. Actually I think it's just an excuse to run away in the Mini Cooper! It's not a big trip, but it's another first, our first "real vacation" together.

4) What do you wish was on someone ELSE's (partner, family member, celebrity, etc...) Big To-Do? That would be having XDO have a list of getting the stuff out soonest. To be fair, it is on the list, we just haven't been able to mesh schedules to this point.

5) Getting inspired? What may end this summer having moved from the Big To-Do to the Big Ta-da? I think it's all coming along. Summer will find us cleaned, spruced, bedecked and minus the stuff XDO left, God willing!

String Theory

I have no idea what real string theory is about. It’s been briefly explained to me. It went past. It’s on my list of things to “go read about and understand someday.” In the meantime I have my own that I’m wrestling with, and that’s quite enough, thanks. I’ve written here before about how I function on at least two levels when it comes to my theological-spiritual self. There is the educated, 21st century person who thinks and knows and apprehends in a fairly sane, mostly wise and reasonable manner. And then there is that younger, primitive part of me who was steeped in mysticism and myth mixed with strong, strong doses of pre-Vatican Catholicism. The God of those two selves is not the same God. The God of the first is the God of love expressed in the Gospels and manifested in the Incarnation of Jesus Christ. This is the God of whom I am (on most good days) also beloved. This God has dreams for me within the context of my own (prodigious) free will. This is not the puppet God or the bubble gum machine God. When I pray to this God it is not for the dispensation of favors with the “pleaseohpleaseohplease” desperation of a two year old. All of these things are not true with the second God who lives in my head. The second version is all tied up in my own little string theory and is accompanied by the “String Song.”

A week or two ago, R was playing with my cat Spike. R was wearing a hooded sweatshirt and tantalizing Spike with the hood strings while singing him this goofy little song that went, “This is not your string, this is m-y-y-y string.” (It’s to the tune of the snake charmer’s dance if you’d like to sing along). Well of course we laughed and had a lovely time with the cat. But that silly little song has taken up residence in my head and it will not let me go for some reason that has, of course, nothing to do with cats.

I have been struggling with some strings….the knots and tangles of my ongoing and (forever?) unfinished relationship with XDO. There is still “stuff” in the house over which there has been some ummm….discussion. There have been issues about boundaries. There have been perceptions on both sides of “things said” in the community that have come back around. And what this has all triggered for me has been a painful spiritual backlash as I try to figure out how to “love” XDO when I am feeling hurt, frustrated, angry, and even on a bad day downright spiteful! It seems that wherever I go I am confronted by that Gospel passage, “Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who abuse you. If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? For even sinners love those who love them.” It keeps turning up over and over and over again. In the lectionary, at a clergy conference GBD, on a Nooma at Y church. As an opportunity for reflection? Or…in my own personal little God-is-pulling-my strings-here theory….a shaming reprimand! God….not the God who has a free and loving adult relationship with me…about whom I can respond with love and some measure of reason….but the GREAT JEHOVAH who keeps the notebook of my sins. The one who always judges me and finds me wanting is yanking my darn strings again! This God is playing me the same way that R played the cat while singing that song. In that scenario XDO is here to provide me with the opportunity to be a better Christian. And I am failing. Again. These Gospels keep turning up over and over as object lessons to remind me that I have many chances to learn the lessons of how to truly love. Am I ready now? Now? Now? And just what will it take? What will it take?

I have been advised to exegete Luke. Yes. A good idea. I already know what I will find. There is no puppet God pulling my string. XDO is not my object lesson. R said it so well. It’s challenging to learn to love those whom we struggle to like. And right now, I’m finding it kind of hard to like my ex. Not such an abnormal thing, I think. And I’d say, probably the feeling is pretty mutual. I don't think I'm high on XDO's like list right now either.

This all of course is very exhausting. The back and forthing of heart and mind and soul. The soothing of the wounded spirit self. On the one hand I know to the depths of my being that this whole string thing is plain out silly. This is the God of my ten year old self who really is no longer part of me….really. Except….well, maybe a little. Obviously.

So perhaps I need to put the string song back in the realm of cat play and try to recapture that blessed moment when our presiding Bishop had us simply sitting and remembering that each and every one of us is God’s beloved child. And really it is that simple. If we start there, maybe we really can love one another, just kind of sitting in God’s love. It seems to work better than anything else I’ve come up with so far. And there is one part of the string song that is right on point….it’s really not my string.

Another of Life's Lessons

Yesterday on Facebook I commented that I was " coming to terms with not always getting what I want, even when I wasn't sure I wanted it---till I didn't get it." For a very long time I have wanted to play the role of Mother Abbess in The Sound of Music. As a little girl I had a love affair with that movie. At first of course it was Maria's role I coveted, but let's face facts here....I have been a little past playing her for more than a few years. So for a long time now, it's been Mother that I just knew was mine. "Someday," I told myself....especially since moving here and getting back involved in community theatre. I even hassled the production folks over the past few years about when, oh when would they do SOM so I could play her. Never in my wildest did it occur that, yes they would do the production, I would audition, and....someone else would get the part! And even more strangely, by the time it all happened, so many things would have come between, that I was of two minds about wanting to do it at all. Until I wasn't chosen. Now of course I know how very much I did want to. Now how much complexity is that over something that's supposed to be fun!?!

When I moved here almost seven years ago and didn't know anybody, I made up my mind that I would "do things" to become part of the community. One of those things was to audition for a part in Fiddler on the Roof. I went in blind, willing to do anything, expecting a bit part. At that point in my life I had never sung a solo in public, hadn't acted since high school and had never had more than a small cameo role in anything. I auditioned with laryngitis and was cast as Golde! I was stunned! I had a great time and the whole experience was a wonderful confidence booster. I guess you could say I found my voice there and was finally able to shut down the voice of that nun in my head who told me I could not sing. (She and her sisters of the trinity "you cannot write" and "you can't do art"). Well SisterCritic is back this morning! She says it was fluke that year....now that the more professional folks are running the show (and clearly they are...college faculty are directing and doing the music for this year's production) I have been culled from the herd and put back where I belong....and not even in the chorus, or as a walk-on, but out in the audience with the rest of the folk! So there, Missy!

And the irony of it all is....I had gotten to the point of feeling lukewarm about even being in the production. Summer is shaping up to be full and busy with travel and projects, and I want to have time to just savor some lovely nights under the stars in that hot tub with my sweetie as well. So it's not so much the actual not doing it that's rattling around in my heart and my head today. It's plain old out and out rejection and all that it triggers. The woman who will play the Mother Abbess has a stunning voice. She is a vocal music teacher at one of the local high schools and sings semi-professionally. Most of the folks who were cast in the singing roles fit this description. It should be a great performance, better than most. My friend CCM who is going to sing at my wedding got one of the nun roles. If she's good enough for the wedding, after all! I'll be there cheering her on. So I will get over it. All is well. I'm just feeling a little bruised. And embarrassed. For putting myself up there with all the talented people--yeah, I know, that's SisterCritic's voice and I need to give her the boot. There were a whole lot of us folk with perfectly fine everyday voices who didn't get cast because we happen to live in an area that grows amazingly talented people whose voices are more than everyday quality. And they got the parts that are rightfully theirs, and we get to enjoy hearing them.

And while they are off sweating in a hot dark theatre, I'll be in the hot tub having a beer, laughing with R and looking at the lovely evening sky. That is, after all, I'd say a pretty good consolation prize.

My Boyfriend's Back!

Yeah well...I really don't call R my "boyfriend," not in any seriousness, anyway....but he is back from Norway where he has been for the last seven days visiting his daughter. This is the longest separation we have had and also the most "complete" one in terms of no cell phone, no regular e-mail...and it was hard! I've been perversely proud of how very,very independent I am when we have been apart before...he's traveled, I've traveled...and I've bragged a bit on how we don't "need" to talk every day....I'm cool that way, you know, not a glommy sort of girl at all, at all. Well, Norway is a very far away place to send this person I love fiercely and rather newly still. And I found myself falling back my old routines of energizer bunnyhood. My schedule, I've discovered, will allow itself to be filled in nicely without much effort. I had something every night and several events on the weekend, including a trip to the Big City and back. I cleaned and gardened, putzed and fiddled. It was not a bad seven day stretch, but by Sunday I was wearing down and starting to feel like I might just glom a bit when I saw him again!

And last night he came home safe and sound. When I saw the little red car pull in to the driveway I turned into sort of a puddle. I don't care so much if I am cool, or independent or even if I am displaying some incipient glomminess for a moment or two. I know we will be apart for times again. It is the nature of our lives that we will be called to go separate places and do individual things. That is good and as it should be. We might even be on different continents again at some point, time zones apart. And when we return we will share our adventures. In Arizona I was attacked by a cactus (a misadventure about which R much enjoys teasing me) and loved the Grand Canyon. In Norway, R climbed a mountain and stuck his feet in the sea, about which I am duly impressed. But for now, across town is far enough, and if I get a vote, I think I'd like our adventures to be shared ones for the next little while.

Friday Five: Friends

In her debut as Friday Five hostess, Jan says: "Ever since I found out I could be the hostess for the third Friday Five of each month, I have not been able to get the thought of friends out of my mind. Being an only child (all growed up) who moved around a lot in my lifetime, friends have always been very important to me. As Ralph Waldo Emerson once wrote: "The way to have a friend is to be a friend."So today let's write about the different kinds of friends we have, like childhood friends, lost friends, tennis friends, work friends, and the list goes on. List 5 different types of friends you have had in your life and what they were/are like.As a bonus, put a link to a new (to you) blogging friend and introduce us!"

• Very Real Though Virtual Friends In May of 2007 I started this blog. To say that it changed my life would not be hyperbole. I began "meeting" people in the RevGals ring, first in this virtual space, then in a memorable meetup with Diane , then with many more wonderful face-to-face meetings at BEs 1.0 and 2.0. and last year at the Festival of Homies. All of these relationships have helped me trust more in the reality of human caring and concern and widened and deepened my world in so many wonderful ways.


• Soul Friends No friend list could be complete without my soul friends. My Soul Sisters of course head the list. We began as Bible Study companions, but have become so much more to each other. We do still study together, but we also learn to paint together, laugh together, take road trips to look for wedding dresses, go geocaching, cry, pray, share the ups and downs and life and are just "there" whenever. Also in this list for me is C. I cannot even begin to imagine where I would be as a priest and as a human without her. Her honesty, humor and wisdom have seen me through these last four or so years of major life change and transition and she keeps hanging in. She is one of those rare friends who really gets me and from whom I can and will "hear" the hard stuff. God has so blessed me with these women.


• Work Friends This is a new one for me. I always sort of (perversely now I think) kind of "prided" myself on saying "Oh I keep my work life separate." Well now I wonder whatever for.....My workmates are a great bunch of folks. They are funny, committed, smart, professional, and um, yeah, interested in a lot of the same things I am. Maybe it's because it's a smaller town, or I have finally stayed put in one place for a longer time...but I'm finding socializing with these folks to be an additional benefit to my job.


• Old Friends Sad to say, I don't have a whole lot of these. For whatever reason, I have not tended to stay in touch with people from college, or even grad school. I did have someone resurface recently on Facebook from my days in the Big City and we have been chatting both on-line and by phone and that has been great as there was a time when we were very close.


• My Best Friend That would be the one I am going to be marrying one year from today. There is no doubt that friendship came first. Both R and I were ever so sure that neither of us ever wanted to be married, or even in a serious relationship when we began dating. I think that was a good thing, it freed us up to just get to know one another, have fun and not think about anything serious or future-oriented. When love sort of crept up on us, it rather surprised us both. We laugh that we kind of backed into the whole idea of marriage, but now that we are here, neither of us can imagine the idea of a future without the other in it. And there is no doubt that we are friends. We can talk about anything and we don't take ourselves too seriously. I told him I think I have laughed more since I met him than I have had in my whole life up to this point. And I know that I feel safer and more loved than I ever have before. I get to marry my best friend. How much better does it get? (Oh, and if you want to see the dress....it's on yesterday's post)

Bonus: Meet Altar Ego whose blog and comments I have recently been enjoying. Her blog title, Reverent Irreverence says it all!

Ok....so here it is.....

It was the one that made me cry.....

And then there was that HAT

I guess anything that makes you feel like this and doesn't break the bank must be IT, eh?

So there you go....One year from tomorrow it's the real thing. Oh. My. Grace does abound.