Saturday....in the cold

In the winter of our discontent, which goes on and on and on. Today's amusement has been looking at rental properties in the South, for "the five year plan" Ha--we will not--I repeat not-- be here for four more of these winters! This one and the next because we must and then we will see. That and continuing to dream about the Texas road trip keeps us sane as we look at the piles of dirty snow, and and shiver in the still single-digit temps and wait for the Spring that seems like it will never come.

The sermon is done, so we can go play today. The plan is to deliver a birthday cake, run some errands and go to a play tonight at the local college. That sermon was a bit of a struggle. I ended up going more with Father Abraham and a nod to the Gospel. That wasn't where I started, but it's where I went, so maybe it's where I was supposed to go. I'll take that and assume some Spirit at work.

Tomorrow we are discerning two new people for our ministry team, one for youth work and another for evangelism with young adults. This is sort of a leap of faith as neither population is very present among us at this point. So it's kind of an "if we build it they will come" proposition...and this is truly what these folks are feeling called to, so, we will listen, discern and off we go.

We'd like to take Gladys the Mini out for a spin, but she really does not enjoy ice and snow on her skirts. Getting to her in the back garage would require some heavy lifting, and R would have to clear some significant ice humps in the driveway to make way for her ladyship. She really is not a winter car, so maybe not this week yet. *sigh* Back to the practical pickup.

R and I are also meeting with our organist tomorrow to choose our "coming and going" music for the wedding. One more thing off that giant checklist. It gets smaller every day, as do the number of days I have to accomplish it. I'm starting to get a little anxious about things. The big one is "what if ________ does not show up." And on any give day it's fill in your favorite blank...the caterer, the DJ, the cake. There are some people I have no worries about, and they are truly the important ones...the GROOM for one! TBTG :) I also know that my clergy gals will be on board as will my faithful Soul Sisters to witness and attend. So the important things will happen. It's more the feeding and entertaining of the multitudes at the after-festivities that are giving me the 4 a.m fits at this point. So I have set R to work on dealing with the DJ (that is the guy that worries me the most for various reasons) and calling back the caterer as he has a personal contact there. I have the invitations ready to roll...they go out Monday, and I will go see the cake lady and the florist soon. The liturgy is coming along nicely, the service booklet is almost done, the readings and hymns are chosen, I just have to finalize the last few things there and it's off to the printer. Whew! When I decided I wanted a "real" wedding, I had no clue how much stuff there was all involved....and this is really just a simple little thing for the most part...a wedding liturgy, a little dinner and a party for friends and family to celebrate the whole thing. I have actually found myself thinking "I will be glad when it's done" and then feeling bad about even having that thought about my one and only wedding.

An additional concern we are having is R's dad. His health continues to decline and the family is pulling together to keep him living independently as is his wish. Please keep him and them in your prayers.

So we trudge on (because that's what you do here in the back end of winter...you trudge) and wait for things to melt and warm. The Almanac says March promises more cold, more snow, but the local forecast says the next couple weeks might be a little warmer. In the meantime, we remain hopeful that Spring will come, as it always does.

The Honeymoon Plan

Whether it's the counter on the blog ticking away the days, the unrelenting grey of winter making us want to run away from home, the fact that the stove shorted out and we needed to buy a new one in the midst of planning a wedding and we needed a good distraction, or the fact that people keep asking, "so what are you two doing for your honeymoon?" R and I decided that today was the day we were going to decide exactly what it is we are going to do for our wedding trip! We had options. Mexico was one, and was originally the one we thought we were heading for. We have been offered the use of a time share any time we want in Puerta Vallarta as a wedding gift, and all we need to do is get ourselves there. But May does not seem like the ideal time to go to Mexico. NOW would be the ideal time to go to Mexico, but I don't think it would be quite proper for us to go on our honeymoon eighty some days before the wedding. So we are thinking that we will save that generous offer for next winter when we simply can't stand it here anymore and take a great winter vacation.

Which left us with the question of where to go and what to do at the proper honeymoon time. But, the plan has been made! We are doing what we love most....We are taking a road trip in Gladys the Mini Cooper! We are going to go see Jimmy Buffett on the 20th of May.....drum roll please.....at Woodlands Pavillion in Spring, Texas.

Now of course what this means is that we will be passing through Dallas-Ft. Worth, and hanging around near Houston and Galveston for a few days. And R being the great guy that he is says, "It would be great if you could catch up with some of your friends while we are there!" We plan to leave here on May 17th and mosey down for a couple days, stay for the concert and then mosey back for a few more getting home around the 24th.

This just feels like the perfect plan. Road trips are really our thing, we love travelling in Gladys, Jimmy concerts are special for us, and as a bonus I might get to have a meet-up or two. Does it get any better all in one trip! R just went on line and got the concert tickets, so it's official.

Friday Five: Happy Lent

Sophia brings us an F5 about Lent:
1. Did you celebrate Mardi Gras/Shrove Tuesday this year? Any memories of memorable celebrations past? I actually had kind of a different Shrove Tuesday this year. While R and the "Men of St. J's" were hosting the First Annual Shrove Tuesday Pancake Supper, I was off playing hostess to the speaker for a work conference we were hosting the next day, who just happened to be a grad school classmate of mine whom I had not seen for fourteen years. Needless to say, there have been a lot of changes in our lives in that time and we had lots of catching up to do.

2. How about Ash Wednesday, past and/or present? It was pretty low key this year. While I participated in the liturgy with the two other priests on our team, this year I didn't preach or impose ashes. It felt odd not to do that after the last two years that being such a powerful part of the beginning of Lent for me. Lent itself is already feeling laden with the death of our friend, concerns about R's dad and a host of other concerns.

3. Does your denomination or congregation celebrate "this joyful season"? Any special emphases or practices to share? We are having weekly Wednesday night book discussions on the book Blessed is She: Living Lent with Mary. It's written by Tim Perry, and draws from the Gospel of Luke to "reflect on a Lenten Mary who teaches the meaning of discipleship." We'll end the evening with a service of Celtic Compline. Since St. Patrick's Day falls in Lent this year, on March 17 we're going to have a a Celtic Eucharist celebration on Wednesday night instead. We also participate in the ecumenical "Soup and Sermon" series that happens every Wednesday at noon during Lent. I am up the last Wednesday this year to preach.

4. Do you have a personal plan of give-ups, take-ons, special ministries, and/or a special focus for your own spiritual growth between now and Easter? I go through this every year at this time! It's always a combination....and it's always a bit of a struggle to figure out. The theme of our Ash Wednesday sermon this year was "it's not about me" and we were reminded that our spiritual disciplines and practices are to prepare us to go out into the world and be Christ to others. That was a good reminder. I am trying in my own prayer life to sit more quietly before God, to take a little more time each day to just "be." To help in that effort I'm using the Journey to the Cross from d365 every morning on my computer. The Lenten meditations for Week One and every Sunday turn out to be written by Brian Prior, our very own newly consecrated Bishop, a fact that I was delighted to discover on Wednesday when I logged on. I'm also doing daily meditations from the 2010 Lenten Meditation book put out by ERD that we were given at Bishop Brian's consecration last weekend. They are short and succinct but offer good food for thought.

5. What is your dream for the image of Christ coming to perfection in you, the church, the world? How can we support you in prayer? peace, justice, tolerance, living the promises we make in our baptismal vows....one day at a time, one relationship at time, here and now, where we are. Yep, that is all. That is enough. Pray for that.

Bonus: Song, prayer, picture, etc. that sums up your feelings about this liturgical springtime.
Maybe later.......

Now

There was more to yesterday's post, but blogger decided not to save it for some reason. I had come back after we gathered. My thoughts of course were with G and her family. As we sat and talked about her I got a fuller picture of who she was. Generous, full of life and love for all of God's creatures. She was one of those people who saw what needed to be done and just did it, quietly and without fanfare. The posts on her CaringBridge site reflect many of the lives she touched. She will be missed by many. She will be taken off life support today after arrangements are made for organ donation. Of course. A final act of generosity. It fits.

Life. G's and dad's and the pastor and his wife that lost theirs in the accident....all of our lives, precious, long or short, we don't know. It can be so fragile. It's the only one we have, with now the only time to live it.

The Weekend

This weekend has held a lot of miles and a lot of feelings. Friday morning R and I took off for the Big City. We had some wedding-related things to do....getting him measured for his wedding finery, picking up his ring....and Saturday was the consecration of our new Bishop. All of these things very happy, joyous and celebretory. The trip up was good overall, the weather cooperated, always an important thing this time of year, and we enjoyed the time together to talk and "just be." It was marred only by one thing....we saw the tail end of what looked to be a really bad car accident. Semi vs car at a foggy intersection. Today I read in the paper that both of the people in the car were killed. A seventy-nine year old pastor from the small town near where it happened and his seventy-eight year old wife.

The Consecration was amazing. We had a great turnout, the liturgy was solemn and joyful all at the same time. The music and prayers represented the flavor of who we are as a Diocese as well as I think a bit of who our new Bishop is. There was everything from Lakota chant and drumming to Hmong singers to contemporary Christian music, traditional hymns and Shubert.

Immediately after the Consecration R and I jumped in the truck and headed off again to his dad's. His health has been declining for a while now and he had decided not to go to the annual President's Day gathering, so we were off to spend the rest of the weekend with him at his place, make sure he was getting some good meals into him, had his fridge stocked with leftovers and was good to go for another week.

As we were finishing the lunch dishes today I got a call from a friend. A mutual friend of ours had a stroke last Monday and has been in ICU all week fighting back. Today the news is that she is losing the fight. She apparently had another stroke and has little brain activity as a result. Her parents were on the wrong side of a closed freeway (blowing snow) and were struggling to get here to make the most unimaginable decision a parent could even have to make, to remove her from the life support. A group of us will gather later this afternoon to pray for her, tell G stories, offer each other some comfort.

And Now....

There has been no more news from L. I doubt that I will hear anything from him for awhile. The cell phone is D's...she may call if she thinks of it, but they are focused elsewhere. On getting her well, getting him settled. I am just hoping it all works out. Trying to trust that it will.

It's been a process for sure. Exhausting for all of us who just work in the wings. I cannot even begin to imagine what it must be like to live his life. Or many of the folks I encounter who are out there at the margins, who live step by step with things always hanging just in one balance or another. People who just can't ever seem to get ahead, to see ahead, to think ahead sometimes too. R and I have both been dealing with folks this week who have made choices and had circumstances that make us both just shake our heads. "Will they," we wonder, "ever learn from things that happen? Ever make better choices?" It is a hard hard world sometimes. It makes me tired to live side by side with some folks in it.

And Then....

So this morning L and R met with L's PO, who sounds like he is going to be great help to him. R called me to get some names and numbers for L and filled me in. The Salvation Army is still closed for the weather, but the PO thinks he can find him some shelter, and also is willing to run some interference with D's folks to see if they would be willing to house them, just until they can get up and running. That would be the best gift of all to these two, given all the struggles they have been facing. So despite a rocky start, and given that it's still bumpy....L is looking like he might be doing ok off there in his new town, with at least one new person in his corner so far. R is driving back on much better roads than she went in on. So for today....all is well. Thanks be to God.

Mercy, mercy, mercy

Well, L has had quite the day, and it is not over. The good news? He is out of jail. The bad news? Still homeless. My congregant picked him up this morning as arranged and they got on the road. The bad road. Icy, blowy, slick....And they made an unscheduled stop at his mom's, somehow. He can be very persuasive. My congrgant called me from outside the house. "They are fighting in there," she said, "I don't think it's good." Clearly not. But while we were trying to figure out what next, out L came from the fray, bearing his winter coat and some other things. The next call was a few minutes later. The younger brother had told him D was not being true. He "had proof" and L was prepared to believe him and pitch the whole plan. "No, I told him....plans are made, plans are set....and it's not that simple. You must go. R has given her day to take you on these awful roads, she needs to get you there and get back....pull yourself together here." (or something to that effect). "Ok, Rev Kate," he sniffs, "I'll go."

Hours pass with no word. No news, I think, is good news. Mid afternoon, I get the bad news....the Salvation Army has closed early..."bad weather." He has nowhere to go. D is, for some reason in the hospital for two days. R is done like an overcooked steak after driving 30 mph for 150 miles, and she hasn't been able to find a replacement to take her shift at work. "What do we do now?" The local PD are not happy with this development, a homeless guy on their doorstep...or helpful. "Go back where you came from," they tell him. "You should have made your housing arrangements before you got here," they say. (Umm, never mind that he couldn't make any calls from the jail because it was long distance!) "So" she says, "having no real choice here, we are hitting the road for home." After I mutter some unkind words about the Christian charity level of these PD folks, I tell her, Ok then, do be careful," and sign off. But then, at the last minute, L remembered his PO to whom he had already been transferred in the new town. They were able to contact him and have some reason prevail. For one thing, he agreed that it wasn't safe for either of them to go driving back across those roads tonight. She was able to find someone to work for her, and the last I heard, the two of them were staying the night in one of the local motels and trying the Salvation Army again in the morning. To be continued....

Winter...Coming and going

After the Friday Five I guess maybe my thoughts really did start turning to ways to stave off the winter gloomies. As we were walking into the grocery store together yesterday and talking about what to make for dinner, a sign advertising rib-eye steaks caught my eye. "Look, " I said to R, "they have steaks on sale, we could grill out!" Now mind you, it was about 25 degrees at the time, and a light misty snow was falling. But the idea grabbed us both, and as soon as we got home, while R was blowing out the driveway, I got after the back steps and the grill area and got it all dug out and ready. As I was taking off my boots, R came in with a look that told me his brain had been busy while he was out there with the snow blower. "I have an idea," he announced. "Let's try the hot tub." "Seriously?!?" "Sure, why not?" So, while the grill heated for the steaks, and the snow lightly fell, we steamed away in the tub. I had kept it full and heated this winter with the thought that "maybe one day" we'd give it a try. I think we have a new winter pastime! It was such an incredible thing to be sitting there all warm and cozy looking at the piles of snow in the yard and the huge icicles hanging off my roof. Getting out was not at all the torturous experience I expected either. I was so toasty from the tub I didn't even notice the cold air!

We enjoyed the grilled steaks, too. It was hard to get the gas grill to heat up, though, so today we went out and got ourselves a little charcoal grill so we can cook out anytime we want. If spring can't quite get here soon enough, we will just have create our own good times and as Jimmy Buffet says, take our weather with us...only the best kind though!

On another note....please pray for a "good weather Monday" and safe travels for L. My congregant is taking him to his new hometown in the morning when he gets out of jail. He is still unsure of where he will go for sure in the long run. The Salvation Army is helping out for a few nights, he will be connecting with social services from there. But the weather here is not looking very nice tomorrow and she has to get into town to get him out. So I am being pretty specific in my prayers tonight...good roads, no winds, safe travel tomorrow. Please and thank you.

Friday Five: Staving off the Gloom

Sally says: "Candlemass is past, and Christmas is well and truly over, here in the UK February looks set to be its usual grey and cold self. Signs of spring are yet to emerge; if like me you long for them perhaps you need ways to get through these long dark days. So lets share a few tips for a cold and rainy/ snowy day..."
1. Exercise, what do you do if you can't face getting out into the cold and damp? The treadmill at the Y is becoming my new friend. I decided I simply had to get more active so that I could keep indulging in all the great food that R cooks for us, and getting out and walking Maggie is just not an option when its snowy blowy and slippy. So I've been challenging myself to go faster and farther while listening to an assortment of upbeat mystery music R downloaded onto my i-pod.

2. Food; time to comfort eat, or time to prepare your body for the coming spring/summer? Oh food! My never-ending love-hate relationship, now complicated by the fact that I am being regularly fed by a truly fabulous cook! In the past, dinner was toast, cereal, popcorn....now it's more likely to be real food, good food....food I want to eat! But there is this pretty dress I need to wear in a 99 days that must fit!!!! So therein lies the battle. And it's complicated by the fact that it is winter and I think there's something genetic in those of us in the colder climates that just wants us to bulk up for warmth in these winter days!!!

3. Brainpower; do you like me need to stave off depression, if so how do you do it? Oh yeah, the SAD bug bites me every year. I have been known to say that I've thought it would be perfect if I could go into hibernation right after Christmas and wake up, oh maybe around Valentine's Day. I try to remind myself a lot that it is the SAD brain talking when I feel negative and cranky and hopeless about life and the world. I try to get lots of rest and generally take better care of myself than I used to, I try to be grateful, to escape with books and movies and silly addictive computer games, and other positive pastimes that make me feel better about life and myself. I count the days till Spring! Oh, and eat chocolate as necessary.

4. How about a story that lifts your spirits, is there a book or film that you return to to stave off the gloom? Anything fluffy and escapist will do. Love stories, things with happy endings. I love the Jan Karon series and like to either read or listen to them and return to them now and again to revisit the lovable, quirky characters in Father Tim's world.

5. Looking forward, do you have a favourite spring flower/ is there something that says spring is here more than anything else? I love the daffodils. They are so bright and brave and cheery. And of course around here, tulips are often the first hardy things that appear, so we start the tulip watch right after the robins show up. That reminds me, I have heard a few birds the last couple of mornings. It's been quiet out there and its nice to hear them again, even if I do think sometimes they are asking one another what they were thinking to move here!

Bonus; post a poem/ piece of music that points to the coming spring......http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iSw7CcAXPWk

Prayers for L

Well it's down to the wire and it's prayers or nothing. L gets out of jail on Monday and as of today he has nowhere to go to. The plan for he and his girlfriend D to stay with her folks in the town a few hours away has fallen through. She is there and they want to be together, but mom and dad have reasons why he can't stay with them....good and reasonable ones in the big picture, but not so good for him right now. I've been making some calls, but all the programs there have huge waiting lists, or he doesn't qualify for one reason or another. She's been asking friends, but all their couches and spare beds are full. There is just nothing breaking. And the situation on our end is no brighter at this point. It is, as they say, complicated. We really don't have a place or funds to house him for more than a couple nights either. He does have a ride to get there. The best hope would be for one of D's friends to come through with a place...just till they can get on their feet. That's my prayer today, and it's a big one.

Friday Five:Social Media

Kathrynzj says: "I had the joy of spending time with Songbird last weekend, someone I would have never met had it not been for the blogosphere. Now we keep in touch using a large variety of methods: blog (hers a lot, mine not so much lately), facebook, twitter, text messaging, chat and email. So far there has been no skype.It got me to thinking of the pros and cons of these relatively new means of communication and interconnecting and so I ask you the following:"
1) What have been the benefits for you of social networking (blog, twitter, facebook, etc...) Meeting a whole host of really great " lady pastor peeps" as my friend L calls my RevGal friends through blogging. Whether being able to enhance the connections IRL at the BEs, or the FoH, or simply connecting virtually these are sustaining relationships for me and have been through one of the most transformational, chaotic and liminal times of my life.

2) Which medium do you use the most? Or if you use them all, for what do you use each of them? My blog by far. I'm signed on to Twitter but I have yet to tweet. I post to and read entries on Facebook, but mostly it's where I go to play a couple games to clear my brain. Although I will say that I have "found" a couple people there with whom I had lost touch and reestablished some contact with them, which is a bonus. My Soul Sisters and I have been trying different forms of audio visual on-line communication like Skype and Googletalk as well as IMing since A moved down south for our weekly get togethers with various levels of success. But the blog is the connecting point still for me in many ways.

3) If you could invent a networking site (with no limits on your imagination), what would it provide? What would it not provide? I can't imagine what more there could be unless we get to the point of trnasporters that could bring my friends to me IRL anytime. Of course there would have to be some serious filters on that site to keep out unwanted guests!

4) Who have you met that you would not have met if it were not for the 'miracle' of social networking? Oh my goodness! If one includes the blog.....I have only to look at my sidebar and a whole host of faces come to mind. BE's 1 and 2 offered the chance to meet IRL a wonderful group of women who had been "virtual" before that.

5) Who do you secretly pray does not one day try to 'friend/follow' you? Well, it's always a little ooky when a client's name pops up wanting do that. I "ignore" but then we have to have the talk the next time I see them about the boundaries. There is also a local pastor who is waaaaaayyyy out there who keeps trying to friend the rest of us who are more moderate and mainstream. We keep ignoring him and he keeps trying. But I really don't want him to "be my friend."

BONUS: What was the most random/weird/unsettling/wonderful connection you made that would not have happened if it were not for the ease of which we can find each other in the computer realm? Well, technically I suppose we could have met another way, but when R's friend suggested he get in touch with me, she only had my e-mail, so that was our first contact. He e-mailed me asking if I'd be interested in getting together and giving me his number. I'd say that was a pretty wonderful connection!

Friday Five: Trains, Planes and Automobiles

Songbird says: "By the time you're reading this,

I'll be en route to a Great Big City to see my son in a play.

I'll go by car and bus and train and no doubt cab and maybe even subway. Thus, our Friday Five."

1) What was the mode of transit for your last trip? When trips around here are any fun they are taken in "Gladys" the Minicooper. Ours looks kind of like the picture only her roof and mirrors are white. Right now though, she is resting in the back garage. Gladys is a fair weather car. R says she does not like getting her skirts in the snow and the slush so much, so she gets a break when the weather is particularly nasty. We are both looking forward to the days when we can road trip in her again, but right now, our mode of transit is The Truck. He is much more practical and sturdy for getting us through the big drifts and holding his own on the icy roads. He took us up to R's home town last weekend for a family gathering, and unless the weather takes a turn for the much better, he will take us on our trips out of town for the next few months.

2) Have you ever traveled by train? My first big trip ever was at age three on the Empire Builder. We went from Iowa to Spokane, Washington to visit my Aunt and Uncle. I still have clear and vivid memories of that trip...sitting up in the vista car with my dad, looking waaaaaay down over the trestles, going through the dark tunnels, eating on the china plates in the dining car, sitting on the plush seats and coloring. I also took Amtrak from Minnesota to DC in 1979. Memories of that too. Not as nice nearly....but memorable none the less!

3) Do you live in a place with public transit, and if so, do you use it? We have public transit here. It used to be "call a bus" but now we have scheduled mini-buses. I have never used them but am so glad they are there for those who need them as I grew up in a family without a car and know the importance of having transit when you need it.

4) What's the most unusual vehicle in which you've ever traveled? I rode in a glass-bottomed boat once. In very clear water. That was very cool, I could see all the way to the bottom of the lake.

5) What's the next trip you're planning to take? Well, there are a bunch of those going here and going there kind of things....wedding thingys, church meetings, family gatherings, and this and that, and in February we are consecrating our new Bishop. Hopefully the roads will be good and we can go in Gladys. As far as BIG trips....well, I guess that would be a honeymoon in Mexico. We won't be driving to that one!

Friday Five: If

Jan says: "In EFM this week, our question was, 'If you were a color, what would you be?' So that's where this Friday Five comes from, at least its jumping off place.
1. If you were a color, what would you be? Purple of course! ...the color of the amethyst in my engagement ring, the prairie sky right before it turns to night, the lovely dresses my ladies are wearing in the wedding, the sweet little flowers that will (really, really they will) bloom unbidden all over my yard in the spring.
2. If you were a flower (or plant), what would you be? I'd like to say something wonderful and romantic....but really, I'd probably be a weed. A dandelion, or creeping charlie, even quackgrass. Just insisting on being there, hard to eradicate, not terribly flashy or attractive, but fitting in with the scenery overall and in the end causing the gardner to just sort of sigh and say, "well, there must be some point to her, God did create her after all!"
3. If you were an animal, what kind would you be? Something that lives where it is HOT and tropical, where I could lie in the sun the whole livelong day.
4. If you were a shoe, what type would you be? A lovely Teva sandal. I live in them in the summer and miss them in the winter. I may as well be them. Besides, they get to be where it is HOT. (Do we see a theme here?)
5. If you were a typeface, which font would you be? I am uncluttered and straightforward, what you see is what you get... Arial, Verdana.
Bonus: Anything connected with metaphors that you'd like to contribute. I am pretty metaphorical overall. I think and talk in them a lot. Was talking about my favorite God-metaphor with C last night...my "wing" as in all tucked under....the comfort I find in that.

Places and Times

I enjoyed reading the comments on my last post, and have continued my musings about the times and places of our lives and being shaped by them. I don't know if it really is just the January blahs and the tail end of sick, but I am feeling seriously less enchanted by life here than I have been at any point since my arrival. The darkness, the towering snowbanks, the routine of work, it all seems to be kind of grinding right now, and I find myself less patient and tolerant, more anxious and cranky. I had two dreams last night in succession in which things were closing around me to keep me in a place in which I did not want to be. Yeah, it does not take much to interpret that! In both dreams I had wandered innocently into something and gotten either lost or into trouble by doing something inadvertent to set off an alarm that started closing doors and gates.

I wonder sometimes if God goes to some warmer place in January. I always seem to have a harder time making contact this time of year. Seriously, I know it's me....not that I would blame God a bit. All those cruise adds are looking seriously tempting.

It will be Lent soon. Yep, it's one of those years. Ash Wednesday in the middle of February, a little over a month away. I think I'd better start thinking about it, Lent, that is. Or it too will slip away like Advent did. I'd like a Lent-y Lent this year I think. Need one to get my spiritual house in order. That place too impacts how we are, doesn't it?

Wherever You Go.....

One of the community groups I sometimes attend is having a discussion tonight about the impact of where we live on our happiness. I won't be there. Not because of my usual reason--the time conflict with my yoga class, but because I'm sick. The crud that has been circulating caught me late last week and I have been laid low through the weekend and am still not up to par today. It's probably just as well that I am not going anyway. I would not be a cheerful influence right now. Where I live in the cold dark North is having an impact on me right now, and I don't think it's a particularly positive one. It's not just the virus, though that certainly doesn't help, but the whole package. January is just not my favorite month. Has not, is not, won't be. At least not here. Oh well. Enough of that whine.

It is an interesting thought, though. That idea of place and how it impacts us. It's one that has intrigued me for a long time. I know that it took me a while to adjust to flat when I moved out here. And to be fair, it's not really flat flat here. Not like some places I've been. It's more gentle, rolling a bit here and there, and in some spots broken by small glaciated hills. But compared to the river bluffs of my childhood...flat. There is no place to really get "up" and look at things from that vantage point, and I miss it still. My friend from the UP says something similar. Only for her it was the open space that was hard. She misses the enclosing sense of the trees there among other things.

My relocation here was my first experience of small town life, and I have written a fair amount here about how much I have enjoyed living in a place where people really do have names to go with their faces, and where almost everywhere I go I can see someone I recognize. I know people who do not like this facet of living here as much as I enjoy it, however, and find it sometimes stifles them, and causes them to act in ways that feel less than authentic to them.

I sometimes idly play with the notion of who and where I would be in life now if I had not come here. If I just simply kept moving forward with the life I was living in the Big City, trying fruitlessly to pay off impossible student loans because I was too afraid to take the risk of change and move here. Or if I had stuck to my guns once here and said no to the invitation to consider discernment for the ministry team, insisting on my "temp" status, that I was going to "serve and run" once my loan commitment was done, so what would be the point of involvement...in the church, the community, in life here. There would be no priesthood, no R, no Soul Sisters...no circle of friends and web of community, virtual and IRL. There would of course be something else and I would not know there was no this. But I cannot help think how much poorer my life would be. In my mystical Celtic soul, the one that eschews all the rational modern notions of life, I know that I was meant to come here. That this, as I say in my sidebar, was the life that was waiting for me to find it. It was like falling down the rabbit hole and once here, it was home. I am intuiting now that the place may not be forever. Winter is wearing very thin for us and R and I are dreaming warm and beachy dreams for the not too distant future. And that place, wherever it may be, will shape us further into who we will become.

So how about you? What are your thoughts about this notion of sense of place and how it shapes us?

Friday Five: Dreams

Sophia says: "With the beginning of my college teaching semester I have been having some unusually intense and memorable dreams lately--especially related to my Women and Religion class. With the beginning of a new calendar year many of us are engaging with dreams of another kind: planning, brainstorming, setting intentions or resolutions, etc. And many churches will celebrate the baptism of Jesus this Sunday, reading the Gospel account of his vision of the Holy Spirit as a dove and the "beloved child" words of Godde that set him off on his mission sharing Godde's dream for the world. So let's take a few minutes on this (where I am at least) lovely snow-blanketed Friday morning and share about the many different dreams and visions in our lives."
1. Do you tend to daydream? In the long past I did. Then I stopped. Now I do again. It's a good thing.

2. Do you usually remember your night dreams? Do you find them symbolic and meaningful or just quirky? Sometimes I do remember them, and wonder "what was that about?" I had a strange one last night about a train and a coffee barrista who suddenly had me off the train and was driving me through a strange town. There were details in the dream which were oddly clear. I remember that had to go back for a second cup of coffee in the train's coffee shop because the first one leaked away. I can remember the sensation of train's movement as I walked (a long way it seemed) back to my seat with the coffee and clearly telling myself how well I was doing with the balance. When we were in the car "Chris" the barrista turned driver was driving on the right hand side (British car apparently). But why we were out of the train and driving, I have no clue, nor do I know who the other three people in the back seat were. I simply remember telling him I had to be back on that train because I needed to get to Columbus! And of course I woke up without ever knowing if I made it back!

3. Have you ever had a life changing dream which you'll never forget? Yes, my Jesus dream. He showed up one night shortly after I was ordained. Or at least there was this dream about some guy who looked like a shepherd, was very insistent that he had come to bring me abundant life, made me cry, and has never really left my head. I have posted about this in the past, but of course this morning I cannot find that post to link to it. It was amazing, it was powerful, and yes, it was life changing in ways that still unfold.

4. Share a long term dream for one or more aspects of your life and work. R and I have a dream to leave winter behind. It started out as the "five year plan." In the midst of our recent smack down of frigid temps and snow....it's getting shorter. We are looking at places in the South to move, somewhere not too far from water. I am thinking I might like to have a variation on my day job career, same but different somehow. It's all still unfolding. But we are dreaming together.

5. Share a dream for 2010....How can we support you in prayer on both the short and long term dreams? Well, 2010 is already full of dreams coming true for me. I'm pretty excited about the future right now. May 15, 2010 as a day of celebration of our love and commitment is shaping up nicely. For the larger world, I wish there could be more peace, more focus on what really matters. Please continue to pray for L. My dream for him is that he can move away with his girl D and find a fresh start when his jail time is finally up.

Bonus: a poem, song, artwork, etc. that deals with dreams in general or one of your dreams. This has always been a favorite.....http://s0.ilike.com/play#John+Lennon:Imagine:13390:m6021797

Still....

It's still cold...twenties below zero with wind chill, and it's snowing again. We have about four new inches on the ground, very fluffy stuff. More is predicted and the wind is supposed to pick up. The wind chills are supposed to be brutal by morning. I had a small tantrum about all of it today. Then like the rest of the state, I got up and went to work. The Epiphany service for tonight was cancelled. We are staying home and staying warm. The big event tonight was blowing out the driveway. That and making dinner about wears a person out. I really am not sure how many more of these winters I have in me.

2010...so far

Well what I can say about the new decade so far is that it is darn cold! In the twenties below zero in the early morning hours, rising ALL the way to single digits above in the heat of the day. This place is not for wimps. Or newer appliances apparently. My new washer froze up on Saturday. It's in the same place in the back porch laundry room where the old one lived happily these many years without a murmur. But the new one does not seem so hardy. The first clue was when the water did not come forth from the hoses. Got that solved after a little stint with a heater, but then the agitator didn't turn. That too eventually thawed....only to find that the drain hose had been frosted shut. That I don't think I can blame on the new washer. That I think, is just because it is blasted cold!!!! But bless R, man with a brain that he is....he helped solve that by putting some fans in the basement to move the warm air towards the pipe, and by evening, all was well in laundry land again.

In the midst of all of this artic blast, we baptized a baby yesterday. I told little M's folks that he would have the fame of being the kid baptized on the coldest day in memory at St. J's. What a cute little bundle he was, too. Slept right through the whole business, until C, who baptized him was carrying him down the aisle. Then he woke up and smiled at everyone.

I think I am suffering from brain freeze in the midst of all of this. R and I went in to church early yesterday to help C get set up and ready for the baptism. I was helping her copy and collate bulletins on our ancient and uncooperative copier, R had moved the font and was sitting innocently in a pew contemplating the stained glass (or something). The phone rang and it was C's mom saying their car would not start and they were not going to make it to service, so could someone please go start the coffee and make sure the goodies got put in to warm. C and I were both feeling a bit frazzled at this point as time was moving along, and the copier was being its usual balky self. So I said, "Oh, we can ask R, he's just sitting out there gathering dust." Well of course I meant woolgathering but it didn't occur to me what I'd said. The altar guild person who was in the office with us simply scurried on out to him and told him what I'd said. C looked at me a little funny and said, "do you always talk about him that way?" And I, thinking she was talking about teasing each other, said, "Sure, and he gives as good as he gets." It was literally hours later when some little synapse in my brain went "snick" and I went "OMG....what did I say?" And then of course I started laughing and made a big confession to him and we had a great laugh about it because he had no idea that I didn't mean to say that he wasn't collecting dust all along!!! Cold, apparently is not good for new appliances and older brains.

The weather man says it will be Saturday before there is any real relief. I shudder to think what kind of mayhem I may wreak by then. Maybe a nice warm hat would help?

Happy New Year

Can it really be the end of another year? Or the beginning of one? They do seem to speed by, and yet looking back, so much happens in these 365 short days. These years in particular, the one just gone and the one to come are big ones. In 2009, getting engaged, making plans....for what will happen on May 15, 2010. Now I am in no way a person who thinks that the wedding day is more important that the marriage. I am in fact appalled by that kind of thinking. R and I are working on planning a celebration that will be reflective of us and our love, and will not cost an arm and a leg, all of which does take time and some amount of work. We've been going at it as a team for some months now. And lots is done. The most of it, in fact. We have the places, the people, the stuff of it pretty much all arranged. One day last week I saw some sample invitations with all the relevant real details filled in. It suddenly became very real. It took my breath away. At a point well past I ever thought it could happen....I am getting married for the first time. To a man who fills me with such happiness on a daily basis that I can hardly contain the gratitude. Yep, quite a year...coming and going.

We went to the New Year's Eve dance at the country club last night as we did last year. And again it was a wonderful evening. Last year it was like a dream come true, and I'd felt kind of like Cinderella at the ball. There was all the excitement of being held in the arms of this man I was so clearly falling for, along with the nervousness that still lingered with the newness. This year there was nothing but the comfort of the familiarity of "us." He is mine and I am his. We share our own shorthand language, little jokes, and the safety that over a year together brings. As I danced I looked around at the space and realized that probably the next time we will be there it will be for our reception. The more "real" this becomes the more I want it to hurry fast and come!

This morning I feel kind of creaky. Clearly this body is not used to HOURS of dancing. The list of the places that don't crack, ache or twinge is much shorter than the one of those that do. But worth it? Oh yes! It's probably not helped by the fact that I went to three yoga classes this week. But that is a good thing too, as one of my intentions for the new year is to try to revive my practice as one my spiritual disciplines. There was a time when I had a thriving daily practice. Then one day....it just ....went away. Well, it wasn't really that simple. Life changed, schedules changed, I changed, and I never really took the time or the discipline to figure out how to put it back. But the time has come. I miss it in many ways. So when the local studio offered an "intensive week" between the holidays I jumped on it and went to class three times. OY! I am studying with a new teacher also. She does Anusara, which is much more like where I "come from" in the past with yoga. I love it, but it gets me in touch very fast with how inflexible and wimpy I have become. So it's back to beginners, which is kind of humbling after all these years. But then, I suppose yoga was never really intended for competition, even with oneself!

Today is going to be a very laid back day. Leftovers, time on the couch. That's what I'm up for on this first day of the new decade.

Wishing all of you a most joyfilled, blessed and prosperous 2010.