Saturday, March 05, 2011

Coming Back, Coming Through

Parts of me have returned from the RGBP BE4 and parts of me have not.  My inner ear, or whatever part of us it is that is responsible for the slow rock and roll that lingers after cruising, has not quite let go of the boat.  As I'm talking or typing, or drifting into sleep, there it is again, that not entirely unpleasant, but slightly unusual sensation of being just a little elsewhere somehow.

The trip was wonderful.  Restorative, connective, stimulating, fun, educational.  It got my creative juices flowing at the same time it soothed some pretty deep spiritual and emotional needs. Go RevGalls and Carol Howard Merritt! It's not every day that CE does any of those things let alone several all at once!

But as all with good things, there is the end, and the return to what we left behind.  With deep gratitude I realize that much of what I left and return to is good, my sweet husband, great friends, the stability of church and "day job" vocations that feed body and soul. The good thing about going away sometimes, too is that even the hard things I return to have something to say, and I seem to be in a place to hear them a little better.

One of the things I seem to be able to hear, or at least to remember is that old wisdom about "life goes on" in my absence. Big things happened in people's lives, life and death things.  Things that maybe I "should" have been here for.  I was not. Others stepped in to fill those spaces.  A good reminder for my overfunctioning self. I can step away. For a moment, for a time and perhaps go from a place forever and it will be okay for those left there. Others will fill those spaces.  Life will go on.  Because really, it's not about me in the end anyway. That is not to say I am not important, or do not bring gifts, even unique ones. But somehow there is a balance, a bigger picture at work.  I do not have to bear all the burden for any one person place or thing. That has been the freedom at work in my soul as the improbable blue waters moved the ship gently and the words of Jesus conveyed by Matthew sat quietly in my soul. "Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your not worry about not not not worry"


Robin said...

Welcome back! I'm sure you're restored self will be a gift to you and to those you serve.

Terri said...

the inner ear response is one reason why I am afraid of a cruise....glad you had a good time and are restored!

Crimson Rambler said...

yes -- the "improbable" blue waters, exactly!

It seems to have been a seismic kind of experience for all of us. I'm still processing!

and what a joy to meet you face to face!