CPE Continues

CPE is moving forward, or perhaps more accurately I should say, I am moving forward in CPE.  I admitted to the group and my supervisor how anxious I was feeling about going onto the floor and actually seeing people, as well as the fact that I felt pretty bad about admitting that. I mean after all...it's not like I haven't visited people in a hospital before, or that I don't know how to do this thing.  There were a lot of "shoulds" in my head about that, and it took a bit of humility to say out loud that I was feeling rather freaked. But it had a good outcome (as being honest about my feelings often does!) I got support from my peers and my supervisor offered the opportunity of shadowing him if I wished.  So yesterday I did one visit with him, he did one with me and then off I went on my own.  Yes, I do know how to do this (at least so far).  My patients were certainly ill, but not in an acute state,. and I found that I could offer presence and support for them as they faced whatever was before them.  Tomorrow I get to attend rounds for the first time and meet more of the staff. I'm looking forward to that as I think it will help me feel even more grounded in this place and  a part of the care team.

I also managed to figure out the documentation on the electronic system.  That too felt like a bit of a triumph!

I know there is more ahead that will challenge me and push my limits.  But for right now I'm feeling much more at ease and happy to be so.

CPE Orientation Day 2

I say this with some chagrin and embarrassment, but I am feeling a lot of a sense of "deer in the headlights" as I come back from the second orientation day.  We spent the morning with the manager of spiritual care services who talked with us about....of all things....DEATH.  Well DUH....of course that is going to be a big part of what we do, what we deal with, why, in fact, we are there.  But the whole business just got very very real.  Death in the ER, death in the ICU, even death in the Family Birthing Center. Our role in supporting the family, in being present for the end of life with patients, in caring for the staff who dealt with a trauma, and of course in figuring out how we, ourselves, do self-care.

I had a job in a hospital once. Well actually twice...I was a Unit Clerk and I rarely had to even see the patients as I ordered supplies, did transcription and kept the station area functioning.  In my second foray I was a ccardiac monitor tech.  or more accurately I trained and oriented to be one.  My first day on the floor I was asked to go into a patient's room and change the leads on a person who had just had open heart surgery.  That was also my last day on the job.  Again I don't know what I was thinking or how it had escaped me that this would involve real patients with real wounds and I would be expected to DO something in their care.  Honestly, I really thought my job was to watch monitors, gather the strips of rhythms as they printed and alert the nursing staff about anything amiss.  I have to add that I was much younger then and things scared me even more than they do now, and when they did my response was to run and avoid.  I'd like to think that I am not only older and wiser, but also braver now. 

But I am not feeling very brave this morning.  D told us of her first on-call as a trainee chaplain.  A nine year old boy was shot and killed.  I am not expecting in our little suburban hospital that I will deal with much of that.  But there will be something.  There will be illness and pain and death. Running is not my option of choice this time. So I'll pray and hang out in trust that all will really be well as things unfold. One day at a time.

CPE!!!

At long last after many tries at this I finally made it to CPE! We had our first seminar day yesterday and it was good.  I absolutely LOVE this hospital and all of the thought and intentionality that has gone into creating what they call "the Healing Environment" which is a part of their mission and values.  The environment is deliberately constructed to be patient-centered, affirming and soothing.  There is amazing art all over the place, and gardens and water features outside available to patients and staff. The interfaith prayer room (in what is originally a small Catholic hospital) has prayer rugs, meditation cushions, a tallit and malas, sweet grass and sage as well as the holy books from a variety of traditions. I continue to like my supervisor. We just "clicked" at the interview and listening to him yesterday reinforced and validated that further.

We are just three as a group, and that led to some tense moments yesterday as two of us sat and waited for our third partner to appear.  He had gotten caught in traffic, and while we waited and wondered about him, our supervisor told us that the other two people in our (former) group of five had dropped out and that we needed at least three to continue.  But then K appeared and all was well.  We may get one or two more people coming in who were sort of "wait listed" when we seemed to be at full-strength, and now will be offered spots. So we may grow a little which would be good, but I can be fine with D and K who seem like very solid and focused people.  We are all "of an age" and are on at least a second career call track. We are diverse with a Lutheran, and UCC-er and myself. Our supervisor is a UCC minister as well.  I have always had a feeling of connection and love for the UCC after some time as a church-member in that denomination in my past, and think if I weren't Episcopalian, that is likely what I would be.

We got our pics taken for the ID badge and had a tour which included meeting some of the most warm and welcoming staff I could hope for.  Everyone from the CEO to the housekeepers and security staff seemed genuinely delighted to have us among them. M told us that the Spiritual Care department is very valued in this place and that this welcome is the real thing.  Tomorrow orientation continues as we begin to learn about the role of the chaplain and various protocols in different areas of the hospital.  I don't know yet where I will be assigned, but anywhere is good as I just want to soak it up.  I'm a little anxious as I think about getting into the patient interaction in earnest, which I know is a little silly, as I did this both as a pastor and a psychotherapist.  I'm also a little concerned about balancing this with work (full time still...just condensed into 3 1/2-4 days  a week. That and trying to have a life and relationship with my husband who works his own quirky hours (4 am to whenever he is done M-T-Th-F and Saturday). So I know we will both have to be intentional about our time for connection and play in order to keep "us" healthy together as well as individually.

But for today, I am totally psyched and can't wait to move forward on this "next great adventure."