NaBloPoMo Gratitude #30

Gratitude for the Posts on Gratitude

Thirty days ago today I started NaBloPoMo. It was sort of a whim. I decided to do my daily posts on gratitude, also on a whim, since I thought my chances of actually writing something every day would be better if I had a theme. As it was November and Thanksgiving and all, gratitude seemed like a reasonable choice. And that turned out to be one of those things, as Ruby from the Blue Window blog said once, to be something that I said yes to that has changed my life without having ever thought much about it.

Because, as I come to the end of these thirty days, much to my surprise, I do find myself changed in some rather significant ways by this experience. Changed by this simple act of looking for the good things, the things in each day for which I could indeed be grateful, the things which blessed me, the things which gladdened my heart, lifted my spirit and warmed my soul.

Shortly before Thanksgiving I started thinking about writing something to sum up what the experience of the gratitude posts has been like for me. What came to my mind was the movie Pollyanna. I started thinking about the theme of that movie, that transformation can come of looking for the good in people and circumstances, from what Pollyanna called her “Glad Game.” And in the synchronous way of these things, which totally delights but no longer even really surprises me, there on Thanksgiving Eve, what should appear in Diane's beautiful sermon, but that very Pollyanna story! I sat stunned and in tears reading that sermon. Once again, something to be grateful for! I first encountered Pollyanna at about age ten. And even then, sitting in that dark Catholic school gym, I think I knew she was onto something. Something perhaps I could not articulate, but a concept that was formative and important for me. Something that now I would describe as some of the spiritual teachers do; that being, where you place your attention, your heart will be also. Something that my head has known for a long time perhaps, but that NaBloPoMo Gratitude #'s 1-29 have taught my heart and soul as well.

Early in the month of NaBloPoMo Gratitude posts, there were those nights when I sat paralyzed in front of the laptop thinking “Now what am I going to post tonight? What is it today I am grateful for?” But inevitably, sometimes slowly, something would come welling up, and I would know, “Yes, yes, this thing, this small piece of my life, today I am blessed by this, today I am grateful for this, I truly am.” And as the days passed, I started realizing something rather amazing. I noticed that I started looking at life in a new way…. That more and more my attention began dwelling in a new place. I became conscious that I was focusing on the good in the circumstances and people of my life. That was actually becoming more grateful, and more joyful, and more compassionate, and more open to those little moments of wonder. I felt myself blessed. I felt myself beloved of God. And I found myself being more loving, acting in more compassionate and generous ways.

Over these thirty days this has gone from merely blog posting to spiritual practice to a circle of gratitude. Giving and receiving, receiving and giving. And all because of a simple whim. Or grace. I’m going with grace. Thanks be to God.

NaBloPoMo Gratitude #29

The first real snow is falling. It sparkles on the empty streets, muffling the sound of the sparse traffic. The Christmas lights are up in our little downtown, but there is no bustle tonight as I leave the yoga center after tai chi class. It is cold, but the wind that has roared across the prairie the last two days has died, leaving it chilly but bearable as we walk to the cars. It was a good class tonight. The four of us agree that we all felt the chi rise at some point. Even after we all collapsed in giggles and had to begin again after the first CD we used (a new one) gave us visions of little cartoon characters doing tai chi at hyper speed. We don't take ourselves too seriously. I like that about us. This class is one more piece of this life that I've found here in this place that came late and fits well. One more thing that feeds my soul and brings me joy and for which I am so grateful.

NaBloPoMo Gratitude #28

I have been doing counseling or therapy of some kind or another for over twenty years. In that time I think I have heard about almost every awful kind of misery a human being can experience as well as probably just about every kind of suffering one can inflict on another. But I have also had the great joy and privilege of seeing how amazingly resilient people can be, and how much healing the human soul and spirit are capable of. I have been entrusted with my client's most fragile selves, allowed to be part of some of the most incredible awakening moments in their lives. There have been moments when the very air has sparkled with the electricity of their self-discovery...and I got to be a witness! They have taught me things about the human mind, the human heart and the human soul that I would never have otherwise learned. They have taught me things about myself. Every year I get better at what I do, thanks in large part to my clients. They challenge me, deepen me, and open my heart. To all of them....I am grateful.

NaBloPoMo Gratitude #27

In my Bible study group we are reading Fritz Kunkel's Creation Continues. Kunkel says that part of our commission is to learn to "read God's name in everything." He says: "If we could decipher the hieroglyphs of history we would read His name everywhere, in victory and defeat, in war and peace, in suffering and joy. But we cannot see the whole; therefore we misinterpret the parts. We think we know His name and not finding it in reality we say: It is not there.....His name is spelled out in creation. We are the letters of it. "

That is, I think, enough to be grateful for tonight....to be a letter in the spelling of God's name in creation. Thank you Dr. Kunkel.

NaBloPoMo Gratitude #26

My father was a sheet metal worker and worked part-time at the gas station. His hands were never really clean, and in the winter they would crack and bleed from the chemicals in the metal. My mom worked in the school lunch room, cleaned for people, and did mending. Both of them were the children of immigrants and of the Depression. Neither finished high school. They worked really hard for very little. I grew up in that blue collar world with their dreams for me. Dreams that I would do better than they did in some way....maybe be a nurse, or a teacher, that I would at least be secure.

I have an advanced degree and earn my living doing something that brings me such joy that some days I can hardly believe that I get paid to do it. And as a priest I still regularly have to pinch myself to make sure I'm not dreaming....yep, even after a year plus......sometimes it's hard to imagine how I got here from there, how I even imagined there was a "here" from there. When I look back and see my small self....I am almost transfixed with the wonder of it all....and I can't help but believe that somehow there is a plan...a purpose....and say, "Oh thank you, thank you God, for all of it!"

NaBloPoMo Gratitude #25

I live in a world full of miracles. There are people all around me whose lives are being touched and changed in ways that I would never have thought possible. People that in my more cynical moments I would have said are pretty hopelessly set in their ways are learning new ways of being, taking risks I never would have imagined I'd see. A young man in jail is considering taking a different path for his life. Someone who considers herself defective and damaged and dirty because of things that have happened in her life is beginning to consider the possibility that "maybe, just maybe" she might be able to be redeemable after all. A young man who had a rough start in life is growing in confidence as he starts college. My congregation continues to manifest an ever-growing generosity of spirit that edifies and amazes me. In my own life, I am living more fearlessly, more authentically, more joyfully.... more gratefully.

NaBloPoMo Gratitude #24

I'm feeling kind of random today. I've putzed around. Went to choir practice for our Lessons and Carols. Went to the store. Put up the hooks for my greens on the porch rails, but didn't get to the greeens. Tweaked the sermon I wrote yesterday. Checked my e-mail and and in at the Preacher Party and posted my sermon. Went to the store again for stuff for dinner. Worked on my Advent candle-lighting service in a rather desultory fashion. Stopped back at the Preacher Party to see who had sermons done and went and read them. This is the second day in a row I have Not Been Productive. In the last three days I have produced one dinner and one sermon. This is practically Sloth! But I have rested more, walked more and laughed more than usual. I feel like I have my life back, at least for these few days....and I like it! So the gratitude for today is that the end of my manic life is in sight. School is out in a few weeks and this slower saner life will be mine!

NaBloPoMo Gratitude #22

Thanksgiving indeed. There's so much to be thankful for today. I broke the food processor. The turkey got done two hours early. I burnt myself. And it was just the best day. There was once a time that any one of those things on a day when I was having dinner guests would have pushed me right over the edge. Today I just laughed. The food processor is replaced, dinner got moved up a bit, and a good time was had by all. I am so grateful that I have learned to take life a little less seriously....at least some of the time!

NabloPoMo Gratitude #21

Tonight was the annual interfaith community Thanksgiving service. It's been an interesting evolution. The first year I lived here I remember sitting in the pew looking around and wondering how I would do in this new place. Would I find friends, make a home here? A few years later I sang with the community choir. Tonight, vested, I processed with the rest of the clergy, did one of the readings, looked around the crowd for "my" people, greeted the community folks afterward. It was another one of those little moments where I just had to do a wee reality check just to make sure I had not dreamed this whole thing. So tonight I am grateful again just to be in this place, living this life, for all the funny twists and turns that got me here, right where I am so clearly supposed to be.

NaBloPoMo Gratitude #20

When I was ordained a transitional deacon, my mentor priest assigned me the task of starting a book club. So a congregant and I got one going, and for over a year and a half now, once a month, a group of us have been meeting to talk, laugh and sometimes disagree about some really interesting books. We have run the gamut from Brian MacLaren to C.S Lewis, Pema Chodron to Oscar Wilde. We have talked about the content of the books, but also our faith, what we believe and how we got there and a whole host of other things. We are an ecumenical crowd, Episcopalian and Lutheran at this point. We laugh a lot. We feel safe to disagree with each other. We have become friends. Before moving to this little burg on the prairie, I really hadn't had a lot of experience with uncomplicated friendship. I appreciate it so much where I find it here. So tonight, I am grateful for the Good Book Club!

NaBloPoMo #19

I went over to the jail tonight to see L. He's the young man I met when I went over to do my ministerial association rotation and well, frankly, he's kind of won my heart. Nineteen, he's been in some kind of "lock-up" for a good chunk of his life, and yet....there is a sweetness about him that touches my soul. He has gifts, drawing and writing. his heart is not hard. He cries when he talks about wanting God's forgiveness and a new life. Could he be conning me? Maybe. But I don't think so. I've been doing this a long time. I know conning when I see it usually.

Tonight I am very grateful to be in L's life. For the reminder that despite hardship and bad breaks the beauty of a soul can shine. I thank God for the grace to see him through God's eyes tonight. I ask your prayers for him.

NaBloPoMo Gratitude #18

Well it has been quite a weekend. The Messiah on Friday, and the high school offerings of South Pacific last night and Godspell today after church, interspersed with a very long day of sermon writing, and a lovely walk and good conversation yesterday and supplying for the first time today. I had a feeling that sometime this month, it would finally come to this....tonight is the night....I am grateful for my warm soft bed.

NaBloPoMo Gratitude #17

Tonight, on this day of the first snow, I am grateful that there are still places that are quiet enough to hear it falling.

NaBloPoMo Gratitude #16

I went to hear The Messiah tonight. It was performed by the Prairie Arts Chorale, which is our regional chorus. Admission is by audition and they are quite good. They really did a lovely job with Parts the First, Second and Third of this beautiful oratorio . They had a small string group and a continuo to accompany them, and except for a few slides off key, they, too managed the complex Handel music admirably. All in all it was musically quite wonderful.

I have been hearing and performing the Messiah in various formats since high school. But this was, I think the first time I have ever heard some of it. It is for certain the first time the language alone has made me me cry.

9. Oh thou that tellest good tidings to Zion, get thee up into the high mountain, lift up thy voice with strength; lift it up, be not afraid; say unto the cities of Judah, Behold your God! Arise, shine; for thy light has come; and the glory of the Lord has risen upon thee.

I am thanking God tonight for the genius of Handel, the talent of the musicians that brought his music to life tonight and the transformation that continues to happen in my life bringing me to ever deeper levels of joy.

NaBloPoMo Gratitude # 15

Halfway through this month of gratitude posts and still at it! This has turned out to be a wonderful spiritual discipline so I've decided this is what I am grateful for today, spiritual disciplines. Prayer, yoga, meditation, journaling and the other practices that have some regularity in my spiritual life, and that have served at various times as boot camp and book ends, backbone and backdrop. It's allways best for me when a practice assumes a regularity, a rhythm that brooks no discussion, it just is as regular as breathing. If it is morning, I do yoga and pray before anything else. If it is evening, I journal and pray before sleeping. These are the times when life goes smoothest. Then of course, I fall out of the pattern, let life interfere, and must begin again, finding my way back. And I am grateful that the practices are there waiting for me to come back to them.

NaBloPoMo Gratitude # 14

There was a really fabulous sunrise this morning. The sky was streaked pink, orange and violet. There was fire behind the clouds that made me think about why the ancients must have believed that heaven was there. The wind was also absolutely amazing out here on the prairie today. At one point it was over forty miles an hour, just howling across fields and parking lots with vengance. It was a portent of things to come here very, very soon. One of the things I have never stopped loving about living out here is being closer to nature. God is in the sunrise and in the wind.
Glorify the Lord, all you works of the Lord,
praise him and highly exalt him for ever.
In the firmament of his power, glorify the Lord,
praise him and highly exalt him forever
BCP p. 88

NaBloPoMo Gratitude #13

Today we had a meeting in which our bosses shared that they are grateful for us. It was quite nice to be told that we were all doing a really good job here, that the center is financially stable, that our clients are well-served, to hear that they get how all the hard work we do contributes to making that happen. After they told us all these nice things they treated us to a traditional Thanksgiving dinner....turkey and all the trimmings. Very nice. Before we ate they asked to share with the person next to us something we are grateful for. Gratitude. It seems to be going around these days.

NaBloPoMo Gratitude #12

I've been thinking about paths not taken, choices not made, and sometimes, the things escaped or avoided by pure luck, or as I understand these days, pure grace. It seems that there has been a conspiracy of goodness that gently but firmly has nudged me, over and over again toward the places that I needed to go, the people I needed to meet. I refuse to believe it's random. I choose to believe it's God. I'm grateful to finally have lived long enough to see enough of life to understand that there really is a big picture here while still being young enough in spirit to be amazed by it.

NaBloPoMo Gratitude #11

Gratitude. Where to begin? Would it be for a chance to spend forty-eight hours with ten really smart, funny, committed incredible people this weekend learning some things that just might have the possibility of being transformative? Or three hours in the car with a Sweet Honey in the Rock CD that made me cry half the way home on a beautiful late fall aftrenoon for the sheer beauty of it? Or the Martinmas Evensong that I literally pulled in at the last minute to co-officiate this evening? It was quite a weekend package. I think it's going to take some time to sort it all out, downshift back into life. I feel a little like I've been picked up and briskly shaken and set back in place. But it was a good shaking, it moved things around in some important ways. Life is abundant. There is no doubt on that front. That and I have to get some sleep!

NaBloPoMo Gratitude # 10

It has been a really really long day. I have been with amazing people and had my mind expanded and stretched. I am grateful for the diversity of people in this meeting, in our ability to engage, to risk, to laugh. We will go back at our work in the morning. Tonight, I am grateful for the hospitality of my friend and a glass of wine and good conversation to relax and debrief.