Showing posts with label The Life Dance. Show all posts
Showing posts with label The Life Dance. Show all posts
Sunday, March 04, 2012
Second Sunday in Lent
It looks like maybe we are covering ground toward change. We visited the church and looked at a townhouse today in the little town down the road. Both got a thumbs-up from both of us. Details on many fronts need to be worked out before this possible future becomes ours....but I always think it is a good sign when I can imagine myself there in that future, in that place....and I can in both of these. I can see myself at some point in the not-too-distant future coming home to both that living room and that sanctuary, finding rest in both places, settling in for what I hope will be a good long time.
Thursday, March 01, 2012
Patience and Trust, Lent's First Post...a Little Late
So it has been my intention to post daily in Lent. Ok, well you know what they say about good intentions. And to that I say, who are they anyway, and what do they know about my life! I do own that I am getting a late start to the daily posts. In my own defense I will say that the early days of Lent were consumed by wresting with Mark's Gospel for last Sunday and the sermon I was determined to finish. That took until midway through Saturday, and by that point I had much nothing left to say to anyone other than the dog.
I do need to get back to writing, though. If for no other reason, it is a good way to disperse some of my stress. Much better than going around losing and misplacing things, which is what I have been doing lately. Last week ir was a pair of sunglasses, my favorite blue winter scarf and page three of that above- mentioned sermon. That last one...that was discovered IN the pulpit as I completed the preaching of page two! Talk about things that are guaranteed to raise your heart rate. I was deeply grateful that it had been one of "those" sermons. You know, the ones that you spend hours and hours and hours....looking for the right thoughts, the right words. It was only because I had been there so long, at the river, in the wilderness and back that I had a even a small prayer of knowing in that heart-stopping moment what I might say next, how I might wrap this baby up and bring it home. I told R after the service what happened. He said even he, as well as he knows me, had no clue I was just making it up as I went along. This gives me hope that maybe, someday...I really won't be a word for word manuscript preacher. But for the immediate future...I will be checking my pages much closer before I leave the house! By the way, I also found the scarf at the coffee shop and the sunglasses under the seat in the car. All in all good end to a stressful week.
We did an exercise in one of the groups at my day job recently. Our task was to identify some quality that we needed to "absorb" and then imagine ourselves taking that in into ourselves in whatever way made sense to us. What came to mind immediately for me were two words, patience and trust, as I seem to have a rather significant shortage of both right now. I think this is symptomatic of too much change, too much transition. March marks the beginning of about fifteen months of active change in our lives, on top of the thinking, planning and prepping that went on for at least nine months or so before that...since right about the time we got married in fact. Which was of course preceded by a year or so of planning, prepping and thinking about that, which was preceded by another two or three years of lots of change. Really, when I think about it, it was sometime in mid-2007 that I last lived under the delusion that my world was a settled little orderly universe in which I maintained some modicum of control. It might have been even earlier, maybe it was before I was ordained. At some level, the when of it doesn't matter. Suffice it to say, it has been a long and interesting ride. Parts of it have been really fun, and parts of it not so much. I have certainly learned a lot. And right now, I am really, really tired.
And It is not quite done, this change and transition, we still have some big stuff ahead. Another house move, another vocational shift or two on the part of both of my hats as well as a whole lot of uncertainty on the job front for R. By Fall the dust will all have settled and I am hopeful that I will be able to look around and say with some satisfaction, "now this is what we wished for, hoped for, worked for." And also....we are DONE! So when we had that little group exercise today, I flung myself out there into that future with trust. I imagined us there, happy, settled and content. I trust it will happen. It will take patience to put all the pieces together. Some have begun to be assembled, I need to trust that they will hold and others will be added on to make this big bright picture that we hope for and long for.
I do need to get back to writing, though. If for no other reason, it is a good way to disperse some of my stress. Much better than going around losing and misplacing things, which is what I have been doing lately. Last week ir was a pair of sunglasses, my favorite blue winter scarf and page three of that above- mentioned sermon. That last one...that was discovered IN the pulpit as I completed the preaching of page two! Talk about things that are guaranteed to raise your heart rate. I was deeply grateful that it had been one of "those" sermons. You know, the ones that you spend hours and hours and hours....looking for the right thoughts, the right words. It was only because I had been there so long, at the river, in the wilderness and back that I had a even a small prayer of knowing in that heart-stopping moment what I might say next, how I might wrap this baby up and bring it home. I told R after the service what happened. He said even he, as well as he knows me, had no clue I was just making it up as I went along. This gives me hope that maybe, someday...I really won't be a word for word manuscript preacher. But for the immediate future...I will be checking my pages much closer before I leave the house! By the way, I also found the scarf at the coffee shop and the sunglasses under the seat in the car. All in all good end to a stressful week.
We did an exercise in one of the groups at my day job recently. Our task was to identify some quality that we needed to "absorb" and then imagine ourselves taking that in into ourselves in whatever way made sense to us. What came to mind immediately for me were two words, patience and trust, as I seem to have a rather significant shortage of both right now. I think this is symptomatic of too much change, too much transition. March marks the beginning of about fifteen months of active change in our lives, on top of the thinking, planning and prepping that went on for at least nine months or so before that...since right about the time we got married in fact. Which was of course preceded by a year or so of planning, prepping and thinking about that, which was preceded by another two or three years of lots of change. Really, when I think about it, it was sometime in mid-2007 that I last lived under the delusion that my world was a settled little orderly universe in which I maintained some modicum of control. It might have been even earlier, maybe it was before I was ordained. At some level, the when of it doesn't matter. Suffice it to say, it has been a long and interesting ride. Parts of it have been really fun, and parts of it not so much. I have certainly learned a lot. And right now, I am really, really tired.
And It is not quite done, this change and transition, we still have some big stuff ahead. Another house move, another vocational shift or two on the part of both of my hats as well as a whole lot of uncertainty on the job front for R. By Fall the dust will all have settled and I am hopeful that I will be able to look around and say with some satisfaction, "now this is what we wished for, hoped for, worked for." And also....we are DONE! So when we had that little group exercise today, I flung myself out there into that future with trust. I imagined us there, happy, settled and content. I trust it will happen. It will take patience to put all the pieces together. Some have begun to be assembled, I need to trust that they will hold and others will be added on to make this big bright picture that we hope for and long for.
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
Random Ramblings of a Wednesday Evening
Oh. My. Goodness. So I am just off the road for the second time in six days and simultaneously trying to come to terms with the fact that three weeks from today we take possession of our new digs and I start my new job. To say that this feels a little bit like the train is coming on fast would be an understatement. I am feeling every possible emotion that I think a human being could be feeling right now as I try to purge and pack our house, say goodbye to clients and settle them in with their new therapists at work, prepare for my last two services at church, get my credentials in order so I can start producing revenue in my new practice location, get insurance, think about all the transferring stuff that goes with a move, gas, electrical, cable and such, having some conversations about what I might do church-wise in the new place, say goodbye to friends, and just generally fret about the whole darn transition! Oh, yeah, and interview for CPE, which also happened today, and BTW....I was accepted for the extended program for Fall. Whew! Excited about that...another validation that this is what is supposed to be going on here and now, part of something bigger (sometimes at the three a.m. panic I have doubts).
Clergy conference was awesome. So good, in fact, that I was able to pretty much forget all this junk and focus. We had Bill Brosend from the Episcopal Preaching Foundation accompanied by Lauren Winner and Debbie Blue. All had good and helpful things to say about the art of preaching. Lauren talked about the intersection of preaching and spirituality and I had a little aha moment about how important that rhythm really is/was to me, even though it was spread over a month. Now that I don't know that I will for sure have that, I'm feeling a little untethered. I have had some conversations with people who have made some offers of supply that could possibly be "semi-regular" and my Bishop assures me he is still thinking on things as well, so I need to just be patient and wait for the dust to settle. Be not anxious. That thing I am so good at!
Our earlier trip was pretty great also. My daughter by marriage (who I am proud to say claims me as her step-mom) graduated summa cum laude on Friday! She's so awesome and we are waaaayyyy proud of her. We moved her into her first place on Saturday and that was....aerobic, and also fun in its own way. This whole having a kid is a pretty big thing for me at this stage of the game, (even though I sort of feel like I'm cheating as her dad really did the raising and I get to simply enjoy the benefits) it's still such a gift as this was something I had pretty much let go of ever having in my life.
It really is good to be home. I will be happy to be sleeping in my own bed tonight, to settle in for these last days and focus on having a "good end" in this place. While I have not exactly skulked away in the night I have been guilty of doing some abrupt and premature unplugging in the past to protect my heart. I really want to not do that but to remain present and open in each moment and to allow myself to remain here as long as I am here, going only as I really do leave. With God's grace, it could happen.
Clergy conference was awesome. So good, in fact, that I was able to pretty much forget all this junk and focus. We had Bill Brosend from the Episcopal Preaching Foundation accompanied by Lauren Winner and Debbie Blue. All had good and helpful things to say about the art of preaching. Lauren talked about the intersection of preaching and spirituality and I had a little aha moment about how important that rhythm really is/was to me, even though it was spread over a month. Now that I don't know that I will for sure have that, I'm feeling a little untethered. I have had some conversations with people who have made some offers of supply that could possibly be "semi-regular" and my Bishop assures me he is still thinking on things as well, so I need to just be patient and wait for the dust to settle. Be not anxious. That thing I am so good at!
Our earlier trip was pretty great also. My daughter by marriage (who I am proud to say claims me as her step-mom) graduated summa cum laude on Friday! She's so awesome and we are waaaayyyy proud of her. We moved her into her first place on Saturday and that was....aerobic, and also fun in its own way. This whole having a kid is a pretty big thing for me at this stage of the game, (even though I sort of feel like I'm cheating as her dad really did the raising and I get to simply enjoy the benefits) it's still such a gift as this was something I had pretty much let go of ever having in my life.
It really is good to be home. I will be happy to be sleeping in my own bed tonight, to settle in for these last days and focus on having a "good end" in this place. While I have not exactly skulked away in the night I have been guilty of doing some abrupt and premature unplugging in the past to protect my heart. I really want to not do that but to remain present and open in each moment and to allow myself to remain here as long as I am here, going only as I really do leave. With God's grace, it could happen.
Monday, March 07, 2011
The Slow Roll into Re-Entry
I remember that my wise yoga teacher told me once that it is always a good thing to change states of consciousness slowly. I do believe that where I was this time last week and where I sit this morning qualify on several fronts as different states of consciousness, and I am trying to heed her advice, but finding it a little challenging my first morning back into the day job.
The temperature here is 19 F this morning. It snowed again yesterday, and it's promised to us that it will do so again today, tomorrow and Wednesday. All the things that I left on my desk are still here and more came to join them in my absence. The loss of my client's husband weighs heavy on my heart this morning as she will lay him to rest today.
The BE was not only all of its own wonderfulness. It was a marker for me. I don't know how many times I said to someone, "when I get back from the BE..." or Right after the BE I will..." meaning that this is the time I will "officially begin to transition from here to there, from now to then. There is much to be done. The CPE application to complete and mail, a house that needs some serious curb appeal, and a "marketing campaign" for yours truly for the next gig, whatever it might turn out to be and a visit with the Bishop and his Missioner about how the church might use me in a new way. Just writing all that makes my stomach do a slow roll that has nothing to do with a week on a boat.
We did make a good beginning this weekend. The stairway is painted! Much of the credit for this goes to my sweet husband who figured how to get the horrible wallpaper off, which we accomplished before I left. While I was cruising he did the skim coating and mudding and sanding and sealed and primed it. So yesterday we finished it up with the final touches and put on the lovely goldenrod color. Just for perspective...this is a project I started six years ago with the initial wallpaper stripping. It stalled and sat. Three weekends of teamwork (mostly the R half of the team on this one) and it's done! Thanks be. So one down and...well let's just say "a few" to go on the house front. "Be not afraid," this too will be accomplished.
This project thing reminds me again that I am not alone. Not alone in this world with my projects and my worries and my tasks, and not alone at all in any sense. It is one of my biggest faults that I keep somehow managing to forget that. In the "this world" sense it has some logic of long habit at least. I did have to rely on myself. But how I extrapolate that to God who has never once asked or expected me to make it on my own, well that's another thing entirely.
I bought a little silver bird in Mexico to add to the things on the chain I wear on my neck (a cross and a shooting star). The bird is to remind me not to fear, as"even the birds of the air" are in God's care, so I am. As I think about Lent this year, I want to work with that fear, that anxiety...to release myself more and more into the care of those loving hands of God who have my name tattooed on them.
The temperature here is 19 F this morning. It snowed again yesterday, and it's promised to us that it will do so again today, tomorrow and Wednesday. All the things that I left on my desk are still here and more came to join them in my absence. The loss of my client's husband weighs heavy on my heart this morning as she will lay him to rest today.
The BE was not only all of its own wonderfulness. It was a marker for me. I don't know how many times I said to someone, "when I get back from the BE..." or Right after the BE I will..." meaning that this is the time I will "officially begin to transition from here to there, from now to then. There is much to be done. The CPE application to complete and mail, a house that needs some serious curb appeal, and a "marketing campaign" for yours truly for the next gig, whatever it might turn out to be and a visit with the Bishop and his Missioner about how the church might use me in a new way. Just writing all that makes my stomach do a slow roll that has nothing to do with a week on a boat.
We did make a good beginning this weekend. The stairway is painted! Much of the credit for this goes to my sweet husband who figured how to get the horrible wallpaper off, which we accomplished before I left. While I was cruising he did the skim coating and mudding and sanding and sealed and primed it. So yesterday we finished it up with the final touches and put on the lovely goldenrod color. Just for perspective...this is a project I started six years ago with the initial wallpaper stripping. It stalled and sat. Three weekends of teamwork (mostly the R half of the team on this one) and it's done! Thanks be. So one down and...well let's just say "a few" to go on the house front. "Be not afraid," this too will be accomplished.
This project thing reminds me again that I am not alone. Not alone in this world with my projects and my worries and my tasks, and not alone at all in any sense. It is one of my biggest faults that I keep somehow managing to forget that. In the "this world" sense it has some logic of long habit at least. I did have to rely on myself. But how I extrapolate that to God who has never once asked or expected me to make it on my own, well that's another thing entirely.
I bought a little silver bird in Mexico to add to the things on the chain I wear on my neck (a cross and a shooting star). The bird is to remind me not to fear, as"even the birds of the air" are in God's care, so I am. As I think about Lent this year, I want to work with that fear, that anxiety...to release myself more and more into the care of those loving hands of God who have my name tattooed on them.
Saturday, March 05, 2011
Coming Back, Coming Through
Parts of me have returned from the RGBP BE4 and parts of me have not. My inner ear, or whatever part of us it is that is responsible for the slow rock and roll that lingers after cruising, has not quite let go of the boat. As I'm talking or typing, or drifting into sleep, there it is again, that not entirely unpleasant, but slightly unusual sensation of being just a little elsewhere somehow.
The trip was wonderful. Restorative, connective, stimulating, fun, educational. It got my creative juices flowing at the same time it soothed some pretty deep spiritual and emotional needs. Go RevGalls and Carol Howard Merritt! It's not every day that CE does any of those things let alone several all at once!
But as all with good things, there is the end, and the return to what we left behind. With deep gratitude I realize that much of what I left and return to is good, my sweet husband, great friends, the stability of church and "day job" vocations that feed body and soul. The good thing about going away sometimes, too is that even the hard things I return to have something to say, and I seem to be in a place to hear them a little better.
One of the things I seem to be able to hear, or at least to remember is that old wisdom about "life goes on" in my absence. Big things happened in people's lives, life and death things. Things that maybe I "should" have been here for. I was not. Others stepped in to fill those spaces. A good reminder for my overfunctioning self. I can step away. For a moment, for a time and perhaps go from a place forever and it will be okay for those left there. Others will fill those spaces. Life will go on. Because really, it's not about me in the end anyway. That is not to say I am not important, or do not bring gifts, even unique ones. But somehow there is a balance, a bigger picture at work. I do not have to bear all the burden for any one person place or thing. That has been the freedom at work in my soul as the improbable blue waters moved the ship gently and the words of Jesus conveyed by Matthew sat quietly in my soul. "Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life....do not worry about tomorrow....do not worry.....do not worry....do not worry"
The trip was wonderful. Restorative, connective, stimulating, fun, educational. It got my creative juices flowing at the same time it soothed some pretty deep spiritual and emotional needs. Go RevGalls and Carol Howard Merritt! It's not every day that CE does any of those things let alone several all at once!
But as all with good things, there is the end, and the return to what we left behind. With deep gratitude I realize that much of what I left and return to is good, my sweet husband, great friends, the stability of church and "day job" vocations that feed body and soul. The good thing about going away sometimes, too is that even the hard things I return to have something to say, and I seem to be in a place to hear them a little better.
One of the things I seem to be able to hear, or at least to remember is that old wisdom about "life goes on" in my absence. Big things happened in people's lives, life and death things. Things that maybe I "should" have been here for. I was not. Others stepped in to fill those spaces. A good reminder for my overfunctioning self. I can step away. For a moment, for a time and perhaps go from a place forever and it will be okay for those left there. Others will fill those spaces. Life will go on. Because really, it's not about me in the end anyway. That is not to say I am not important, or do not bring gifts, even unique ones. But somehow there is a balance, a bigger picture at work. I do not have to bear all the burden for any one person place or thing. That has been the freedom at work in my soul as the improbable blue waters moved the ship gently and the words of Jesus conveyed by Matthew sat quietly in my soul. "Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life....do not worry about tomorrow....do not worry.....do not worry....do not worry"
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
Back to the Regular World...or Re-Entry Again
If I were accused of being a tad whiny about being back it could be true. If it might be thought that I felt a little put upon by this week's schedule of work and meetings and sermon prep, that also could surely be true. If anyone asked if I'd rather still be on vacation...definitely true! This is one of those weeks that has a tad too much in it even if it were not the first week back. But, none the less, I am being very efficient about it all, getting it read, watched, written, attended, laundered, stowed, picked up, ordered, and generally attended to. And it's making me tired and more than a little long-ish for the slower days of "what shall we do next" that went by all too quickly.
But at some level it is good to be home again. I'm "in the process" (no not that one, thanks be). This one is the name change process. Once again I'm asking myself what we did before the Internet. I found this absolutely wonderful little website that is walking me through, step by step everything I need to do. It has checklists and letters and forms and tells you where to go to find the other forms, like the one for social security and the one to order a new passport. Many, many many people need to know that I added a hypen and a name, it seems.
We are also beginning the wonderfully large and lovely task of thanking people. The generosity of family and friends was truly fabulous and we are aware of how blessed we are by them. It will be fun to revisit the cards and think again about each of them as we write our thank you notes.
But for tonight it's off to New Testament class. Our ministry team is growing and with new people in formation comes coursework again for all. Even review is good, because hearing things for a second time I hear things I missed the first! So off we go to discuss the the context of Jesus' time, ancient Judaism and the NT's authors....who, what and why. This time last week....I was eating Mexican in Houston with sunburnt feet. Time does fly.
But at some level it is good to be home again. I'm "in the process" (no not that one, thanks be). This one is the name change process. Once again I'm asking myself what we did before the Internet. I found this absolutely wonderful little website that is walking me through, step by step everything I need to do. It has checklists and letters and forms and tells you where to go to find the other forms, like the one for social security and the one to order a new passport. Many, many many people need to know that I added a hypen and a name, it seems.
We are also beginning the wonderfully large and lovely task of thanking people. The generosity of family and friends was truly fabulous and we are aware of how blessed we are by them. It will be fun to revisit the cards and think again about each of them as we write our thank you notes.
But for tonight it's off to New Testament class. Our ministry team is growing and with new people in formation comes coursework again for all. Even review is good, because hearing things for a second time I hear things I missed the first! So off we go to discuss the the context of Jesus' time, ancient Judaism and the NT's authors....who, what and why. This time last week....I was eating Mexican in Houston with sunburnt feet. Time does fly.
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Three....
Yes, as my Facebook friend says, it is a Trinitiarian number. It's also a very small one. For which I am feeling grateful. And excited. I have been told I am not the world's most patient person. I don't always wait well. Well....I have been waiting, it seems ,for a veeerrrrrrryyy long time for May 15, 2010. And it's almost HERE. Other than excited, though, I am really calm. Not freaking out, not anxious, not worried. Just happy and oh yes, did I mention....excited?
I think everything is done, here, ready....whatever. R's groom's wear arrived. The folks had forgotten to ship it. Had a feeling when it had not appeared as a charge by Friday on our account. So he called them and "ooops!" So yesterday, there it was....and I did get to see a sneak preview via phone pics when he tried it on. OMG! He is gonna knock me over on Saturday! He is so handsome. Of course he just grins and says, "yeah, I can clean up ok."
I saw the Soul Sister's jackets for their dresses last night too. A local seamstress made them and each is unique to the woman. The sisters are all also going to be really gorgeous and are getting really excited. I'm so looking forward to our little slumber party shower. It's been tough since A moved away and we have had to talk with her each week by phone and computer....better than nothing but not like being together for real. Their friendship and being part of this has made it so much fun. From the beginning, it really has been like having sisters to share the process.
I really am submerged in gratitude right now. R is the best guy anyone could ever hope for. And I have the greatest friends anyone could imagine. Those who are very close here, and those who extend out IRL and virtually as well. I just feel very, very blessed by all of it.
I think everything is done, here, ready....whatever. R's groom's wear arrived. The folks had forgotten to ship it. Had a feeling when it had not appeared as a charge by Friday on our account. So he called them and "ooops!" So yesterday, there it was....and I did get to see a sneak preview via phone pics when he tried it on. OMG! He is gonna knock me over on Saturday! He is so handsome. Of course he just grins and says, "yeah, I can clean up ok."
I saw the Soul Sister's jackets for their dresses last night too. A local seamstress made them and each is unique to the woman. The sisters are all also going to be really gorgeous and are getting really excited. I'm so looking forward to our little slumber party shower. It's been tough since A moved away and we have had to talk with her each week by phone and computer....better than nothing but not like being together for real. Their friendship and being part of this has made it so much fun. From the beginning, it really has been like having sisters to share the process.
I really am submerged in gratitude right now. R is the best guy anyone could ever hope for. And I have the greatest friends anyone could imagine. Those who are very close here, and those who extend out IRL and virtually as well. I just feel very, very blessed by all of it.
Sunday, May 09, 2010
Wedding Minus Six and Counting
I hope this doesn't sound irreverent, but I kind of feel like I do sometimes at the beginning of Holy Week. Lots happening, lots of things to plan for and do and be there for all week long, all culminating in a Big Day at the end with even more things to plan for, more things happening. It feels busy, a little overwhelming, but in the end you know it will all be wonderful and turn out just as it needs to.
Yesterday I kept hearing this little ticker in my head...."This time next week...." And this morning as we sat together at worship I realized that the next time we are in church for a service it will be to be married.
This has been an amazing week. We started out last Monday about $700 short of what we needed to make our budget for the wedding. To say that this was stressing me out would be an understatement. But I really tried to stop acting out of "functional atheism" and trust God, grace and abundance, and just put out there the idea that we have all we need and that it would be ok...somehow. And wouldn't you know, all week, money that has been owed to the two of us from various places has just been "coincidentally" arriving in the nick of time, and as of yesterday, we were within $20 of our goal!
So all is ready and all is well. The gifts for my attendants are wrapped, the little surprise favors that I have for everyone at the dinner are ready. My two totes for the church and the reception hall decorating are all packed. R and I have our "to-do" "to-call" and last minute "to-fetch" lists for the week. The Soul Sister attendants are psyched for our shower and slumber party Thursday and trip to the nail salon Friday. I finally found cute comfortable shoes! One pair for the ceremony that I think I can last an hour in, and a more "sensible" pair for the rest of the day.
The biggest challenge for this week is going to be to stay with each day as it comes and to be focused at work as much as possible. There are little helps along the way. Monday a yoga class, Tuesday a massage, so maybe I can stay a little bit calm. It will be, as one of my friends says, what it will be. And I'm here and counting.
Yesterday I kept hearing this little ticker in my head...."This time next week...." And this morning as we sat together at worship I realized that the next time we are in church for a service it will be to be married.
This has been an amazing week. We started out last Monday about $700 short of what we needed to make our budget for the wedding. To say that this was stressing me out would be an understatement. But I really tried to stop acting out of "functional atheism" and trust God, grace and abundance, and just put out there the idea that we have all we need and that it would be ok...somehow. And wouldn't you know, all week, money that has been owed to the two of us from various places has just been "coincidentally" arriving in the nick of time, and as of yesterday, we were within $20 of our goal!
So all is ready and all is well. The gifts for my attendants are wrapped, the little surprise favors that I have for everyone at the dinner are ready. My two totes for the church and the reception hall decorating are all packed. R and I have our "to-do" "to-call" and last minute "to-fetch" lists for the week. The Soul Sister attendants are psyched for our shower and slumber party Thursday and trip to the nail salon Friday. I finally found cute comfortable shoes! One pair for the ceremony that I think I can last an hour in, and a more "sensible" pair for the rest of the day.
The biggest challenge for this week is going to be to stay with each day as it comes and to be focused at work as much as possible. There are little helps along the way. Monday a yoga class, Tuesday a massage, so maybe I can stay a little bit calm. It will be, as one of my friends says, what it will be. And I'm here and counting.
Thursday, May 06, 2010
Losing Time Fast
Time is moving along at a very FAST pace! I just got home yesterday from clergy conference. It is much more a tribute to the quality of the conference than anything about me that I was able to be present there at all with any quality of attention. Especially considering that up until sometime late Saturday afternoon I thought that the conference started on TUESDAY! It didn't. It started Monday, as it always does. But for some reason, earlier on the dates had been published as May 4-6, and those had been put in my head and my planner, those had been the dates requested off work, scheduled with clients...yeah, the whole nine yards. Saturday afternoon, I finally got my room confirmation telling me my room would be waiting at the retreat center on May 3.....May WHAT?!?!? Omigish......Well that set a whole flurry of stuff in motion! Fortunately, the conference does start later in the day, so I was able to go into work early Monday morning, get most the clients rescheduled to Thursday and get on the road. But it got my week off to kind of a wild and crazy start. I just told our receptionist to blame it on addled wedding brain. She just laughed at me. Yeah. There's a lot of that going around. The addled brain and the laughing.
The conference really was good though. Lots of reconnecting with folks, learning and reflecting, chances for moments of prayer and singing together. Tuesday we did Public Narrative. I'd been asked to give one as an example, then to be a "coach" as folks worked on theirs through exercises during the day in small groups. That was all good. Kept me focused and busy. Tuesday night I went to a small group talking about "Doing Small Well" talking about church starts that basically require nothing more than "two or three gathering" for the sake of the Gospel in a hurting a world. Hmmmmm...... Wednesday we had some work on what we might look like if we left the world of church as we know it behind and truly concentrated on God's mission. It too was good and thought provoking. We then had one of the simplest and most beautiful bare-bones Episcopal liturgies I have ever experienced led by our new Bishop. We are very blessed by him. He brought to conference Ana Hernandez, who did things like this with us
There was more like this....and singing bowls, and chanting with an instrument called a shrooti (or shruti) box, and praying with a drum. So it was very, very good....to go and be with folks and feel actually relaxed and present, and centered and focused. And sadly, to also realize how frenetic my prayer life usually is. I feel like lately I sort of "drop in" on God for a quick chat. Perfunctory visits in the midst of twenty other things that are getting done in a day. Being there made me miss my daily yoga practice, made me long again to sit meditation. Made me wonder again what did ever happen to that particular lovely little morning discipline. Well I know what happened. One day I just woke up and didn't do it. Or the next day, or the next. And then it was gone. And some how starting again has felt like too much. So I haven't. But with that practice went some other good things that I am missing and really would like to have back in my life. So I am setting an intention that post-wedding, post-Texas....I really am going to get that space reclaimed both in my physical and emotional world and get back to the quiet and the mat every morning.
But in the meantime....nine days. Really it's a week. Because it all starts on Thursday. Soul Sister A arrives from The South, we have the shower and our bridesmaid slumber party....and it all rolls on from there. My biggest stressor right now is the budget. I keep waking up in the night remembering all the things we forgot to put in the budget....my last hair appointment, the food for the rehearsal dinner for heaven's sake! We are running a tight ship here, and I tend to want to panic over these little things. But I am trying to get myself to go to abundance, and to remember to "breathe in, breathe out....move on." In my heart I know all really will be well. I just need something to stress about and this works as well as anything, I guess. At least I am not worrying about anything important....like the marriage! About that there are NO worries. This is only money, and it'll all be ok in the end, I'm sure.
So back to work today. Trying to focus on the tasks at hand. Paperwork needs to be done and folks to be seen. Meetings keep happening. So off we go.
The conference really was good though. Lots of reconnecting with folks, learning and reflecting, chances for moments of prayer and singing together. Tuesday we did Public Narrative. I'd been asked to give one as an example, then to be a "coach" as folks worked on theirs through exercises during the day in small groups. That was all good. Kept me focused and busy. Tuesday night I went to a small group talking about "Doing Small Well" talking about church starts that basically require nothing more than "two or three gathering" for the sake of the Gospel in a hurting a world. Hmmmmm...... Wednesday we had some work on what we might look like if we left the world of church as we know it behind and truly concentrated on God's mission. It too was good and thought provoking. We then had one of the simplest and most beautiful bare-bones Episcopal liturgies I have ever experienced led by our new Bishop. We are very blessed by him. He brought to conference Ana Hernandez, who did things like this with us
There was more like this....and singing bowls, and chanting with an instrument called a shrooti (or shruti) box, and praying with a drum. So it was very, very good....to go and be with folks and feel actually relaxed and present, and centered and focused. And sadly, to also realize how frenetic my prayer life usually is. I feel like lately I sort of "drop in" on God for a quick chat. Perfunctory visits in the midst of twenty other things that are getting done in a day. Being there made me miss my daily yoga practice, made me long again to sit meditation. Made me wonder again what did ever happen to that particular lovely little morning discipline. Well I know what happened. One day I just woke up and didn't do it. Or the next day, or the next. And then it was gone. And some how starting again has felt like too much. So I haven't. But with that practice went some other good things that I am missing and really would like to have back in my life. So I am setting an intention that post-wedding, post-Texas....I really am going to get that space reclaimed both in my physical and emotional world and get back to the quiet and the mat every morning.
But in the meantime....nine days. Really it's a week. Because it all starts on Thursday. Soul Sister A arrives from The South, we have the shower and our bridesmaid slumber party....and it all rolls on from there. My biggest stressor right now is the budget. I keep waking up in the night remembering all the things we forgot to put in the budget....my last hair appointment, the food for the rehearsal dinner for heaven's sake! We are running a tight ship here, and I tend to want to panic over these little things. But I am trying to get myself to go to abundance, and to remember to "breathe in, breathe out....move on." In my heart I know all really will be well. I just need something to stress about and this works as well as anything, I guess. At least I am not worrying about anything important....like the marriage! About that there are NO worries. This is only money, and it'll all be ok in the end, I'm sure.
So back to work today. Trying to focus on the tasks at hand. Paperwork needs to be done and folks to be seen. Meetings keep happening. So off we go.
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
There's a ONE in Front of THAT NUMBER!
WE ARE IN THE TEENS!
I have condensed all the small lists into one major one. There is really not much left on it. And that is a good thing...because we are in the home stretch here. We have pretty much done all we can and have to do until we are at the big day itself, or at least much closer. It is really too soon to get the food for the groom's dinner or haul home the extra tables and chairs. We can't decorate anything, dress anyone, cook anything. In short, right now, there is really nothing I can be in control of. And it's making me a little crazy. Just ask R.
It's all out there. The caterer, the DJ, the flower and cake people, the piper and the vocalists, the organist and clergy, the folks who are shipping R's wedding wear....all completely independent actors in this little play called "Kate and Rick's Wedding," and all capable of making choices that could change the day. Note I am sane enough still to say "change" the day and not big and awfulizing words like "destroy" or "ruin." The only person with enough power to do that is me. And for sure and certain I would not....and NOT over any of the people or things listed!
The thing is....we have the important things covered. R, me a license and clergy. Clergy? Oh my yes....and then some! For starters, we are being married by three of them...my two team members, CT and M, with able assist from my spiritual friend and guide C who will preach. Also available in case of some unimaginable clergy wipe-out, however....my attendant CMR is an ordained lay pastor, my one of my vocalists is also a lay pastor ( though I'm not sure if she has the power to wed), and there will be at least one Episcopal priest in the pews. And I'm sure there will be a witness or two present, as despite my earlier rant, there have been a few RSVP's in the affirmative. So we will be married. Affirming before God and all assembled what WE already know to be true....he's mine, I'm his. It's forever. Amen. And the rest is party.
It's just the planning for that party that has me kind of wound up. Wanting all the pieces to come together just right. And I keep thinking of things to add little touches of fun and surprise. But I think we really are there. I have my two totes packed, one for the church and one for the reception site, both brimful of those "little touches." There are still some ribbons to add and bows to tie, gifts to wrap for my "maids" as the bridal shop keeps calling them. I find myself running through the whole thing in my head trying to think of what I may have missed.
But in the end...it will all be what it will be. And it will be wonderful, I know. As my sweet and wise beloved keeps reminding me..."Breathe in, breathe, out...move on." Yes, dear.
I have condensed all the small lists into one major one. There is really not much left on it. And that is a good thing...because we are in the home stretch here. We have pretty much done all we can and have to do until we are at the big day itself, or at least much closer. It is really too soon to get the food for the groom's dinner or haul home the extra tables and chairs. We can't decorate anything, dress anyone, cook anything. In short, right now, there is really nothing I can be in control of. And it's making me a little crazy. Just ask R.
It's all out there. The caterer, the DJ, the flower and cake people, the piper and the vocalists, the organist and clergy, the folks who are shipping R's wedding wear....all completely independent actors in this little play called "Kate and Rick's Wedding," and all capable of making choices that could change the day. Note I am sane enough still to say "change" the day and not big and awfulizing words like "destroy" or "ruin." The only person with enough power to do that is me. And for sure and certain I would not....and NOT over any of the people or things listed!
The thing is....we have the important things covered. R, me a license and clergy. Clergy? Oh my yes....and then some! For starters, we are being married by three of them...my two team members, CT and M, with able assist from my spiritual friend and guide C who will preach. Also available in case of some unimaginable clergy wipe-out, however....my attendant CMR is an ordained lay pastor, my one of my vocalists is also a lay pastor ( though I'm not sure if she has the power to wed), and there will be at least one Episcopal priest in the pews. And I'm sure there will be a witness or two present, as despite my earlier rant, there have been a few RSVP's in the affirmative. So we will be married. Affirming before God and all assembled what WE already know to be true....he's mine, I'm his. It's forever. Amen. And the rest is party.
It's just the planning for that party that has me kind of wound up. Wanting all the pieces to come together just right. And I keep thinking of things to add little touches of fun and surprise. But I think we really are there. I have my two totes packed, one for the church and one for the reception site, both brimful of those "little touches." There are still some ribbons to add and bows to tie, gifts to wrap for my "maids" as the bridal shop keeps calling them. I find myself running through the whole thing in my head trying to think of what I may have missed.
But in the end...it will all be what it will be. And it will be wonderful, I know. As my sweet and wise beloved keeps reminding me..."Breathe in, breathe, out...move on." Yes, dear.
Tuesday, April 06, 2010
Yipes!
I signed on here this morning and looked at the little "how many days is it..." counter and realized there is a 3 as the first number. Oh. My. Goodness. Butterflies doing a little dance in my stomach. It must be excitement, because it can't be nervousness. Everything is done and ready. We went and registered for the license yesterday. In five days we can pick it up. The nice lady told us in our state they do not mail them because "if they get lost in the mail, well, it's not good." Yeah, I can well imagine! In filling out the form I was asked to fill in the "bride's name after marriage" and found myself writing my new hyphenated moniker for the first time. While we were waiting for the clerk to input our data into the computer R and I were making a list of all the changes that one hyphen will affect. New driver's license, new passport, new professional licensure....on and on. He asked me if I was sure it was worth it, to go through all this to add his name to mine. Because this is my thing, not his. He has no need of this. But for some reason it is important to me. Maybe because this came so late to me....this first and only marriage, the public aspects of it are important. And frankly, let's face it, because inside this strong feminist woman, beats a romantic traditional heart . There is a part of me that wants the world to know that I am publicly, legally and forever linked to RK. I am his and that is that. He likes to remind me that names and ceremonies are not the stuff that creates this bond, and I know this...truly I do. But I also know that ritual and symbol matter, too. Will we be more committed to one another on May 15 after the ceremony than we already are? Of course not! But having said that, I would not forego publicly celebrating that commitment, either.
So, right now, we are planning the largest party I have ever thrown. And yes, I am a little nervous, a lot excited, in those proportions. There was once a time when I literally could not entertain. Even small events would throw me into such a tizz that it was simply not worth the anguish. What if no-one came? What if it was a disaster? What if? What if? What if? That very anxious and insecure me still lurks, though I am able to soothe her most days. There is no doubt that people are coming and a good time will be had on this one! My lurking doubts on this one are things like catering and dj no-shows....but I am assured that even though the contractual arrangements are a bit more casual than my "big-city" past would find comfort in, all will be well and people will show and deliver at the appointed time. And if not....well, we can call out for pizza, and R has enough music in his iPod that we could dock it in a speaker set up and dance for days. We have two priests and a Presby minister on tap for the ceremony and enough guests have already said yes that I'm sure there will be a witness here somewhere. I am quite sure the two of us will appear....all the essentials are in place.It's all good. The dancing butterflies are excitement...not nerves.
So, right now, we are planning the largest party I have ever thrown. And yes, I am a little nervous, a lot excited, in those proportions. There was once a time when I literally could not entertain. Even small events would throw me into such a tizz that it was simply not worth the anguish. What if no-one came? What if it was a disaster? What if? What if? What if? That very anxious and insecure me still lurks, though I am able to soothe her most days. There is no doubt that people are coming and a good time will be had on this one! My lurking doubts on this one are things like catering and dj no-shows....but I am assured that even though the contractual arrangements are a bit more casual than my "big-city" past would find comfort in, all will be well and people will show and deliver at the appointed time. And if not....well, we can call out for pizza, and R has enough music in his iPod that we could dock it in a speaker set up and dance for days. We have two priests and a Presby minister on tap for the ceremony and enough guests have already said yes that I'm sure there will be a witness here somewhere. I am quite sure the two of us will appear....all the essentials are in place.It's all good. The dancing butterflies are excitement...not nerves.
Monday, March 15, 2010
Another Monday as I Wander Thru Lent
My goodness we would like to see the sun. I know that on Wednesday it will be two weeks. It may be that already, but as of then I will be sure. It is warm (well by our definition anyway) and the snow is fading amazingly quickly, but it's just so unrelentingly (yes, indeed) gray! Despite this, we are courting Spring and had a nice weekend. We will grill every chance we get these days...of late on the little charcoal-er that we bought because it takes the gas grill way too long to heat up in the winter. And I have to admit, there is something about the taste of that charcoal! Last night it was steak, with some wonderful early asparagus. Spring, indeed.
And Lent, in all it's moderate gray Lentedness poddles on as well. Yes, I know, I have euphoric recall about that one wonderful, show-stopping Lent....the one where the Spiritual disciplines and my readiness to be "Lenty" somehow all came together in the perfect holy storm and it just was....right and good, and nothing will ever be its equal. All it needed to be in the way of preparation and readiness...never known before and alas I am coming to believe, never to be again. Yes, I know....all things are their own things and in their own time. You can't go back and recreate something because you are never the exact same being in the exact same frame of mind or spirit again. And my saner rational self also has a guess that it really probably wasn't quite as wonderfully spiritually uplifting as in memory, because things just never are, are they? This one, containing very reality of of life and death and the whole point of all in before us in the life again brings me to a bit of somewhere that I think is probably very authentically Lenten...the problem is I am just not able to articulate as well as I'd like just exactly where it is it does bring me!
I teared up in church on Sunday as I consecrated. I haven't done that in a very long while, nor have I had that sense of the Communion of Saints around, beyond, and amidst me in quite some time as I did on Sunday....that sense that stops time and tends to make me lose my place in the proceedings. Bad enough in the familiar words of Rite II....it could be fatal as I falter my way through the thees and thous and hasts of the Rite I we adopt for Lenten Sundays. But there it was (they were?) none the less, and there was not a blessed thing I could do about it--nor wanted to!
St. Patrick will be celebrated in fine style by us on Wednesday night. We are having a Celtic Eucharist....singing some beautiful music and using a lovely setting of the liturgy to take us back and away and quiet us down a bit. There will be a drum too if mine comes in the air in time. Me in an alb with a drum....yeah, I can't help thinking about some of the good sisters of my childhood. "What has become of that girl?" For some I'm sure it's tantamount to no good end. But you know, I think that my lovely Irish Catholic mother will be having a great giggle over all of it.
So there we are. Monday winds down. It's off to yoga now....a spiritual thing in my day (thinking still about that Friday Five) that was far too full of things that were maybe religious and maybe simply things. But in this there will be quiet, and I will pipe down and find a space for God to settle in me for a time and we will dance a bit as we play with Spirit and breath and asana in the space created there.
And Lent, in all it's moderate gray Lentedness poddles on as well. Yes, I know, I have euphoric recall about that one wonderful, show-stopping Lent....the one where the Spiritual disciplines and my readiness to be "Lenty" somehow all came together in the perfect holy storm and it just was....right and good, and nothing will ever be its equal. All it needed to be in the way of preparation and readiness...never known before and alas I am coming to believe, never to be again. Yes, I know....all things are their own things and in their own time. You can't go back and recreate something because you are never the exact same being in the exact same frame of mind or spirit again. And my saner rational self also has a guess that it really probably wasn't quite as wonderfully spiritually uplifting as in memory, because things just never are, are they? This one, containing very reality of of life and death and the whole point of all in before us in the life again brings me to a bit of somewhere that I think is probably very authentically Lenten...the problem is I am just not able to articulate as well as I'd like just exactly where it is it does bring me!
I teared up in church on Sunday as I consecrated. I haven't done that in a very long while, nor have I had that sense of the Communion of Saints around, beyond, and amidst me in quite some time as I did on Sunday....that sense that stops time and tends to make me lose my place in the proceedings. Bad enough in the familiar words of Rite II....it could be fatal as I falter my way through the thees and thous and hasts of the Rite I we adopt for Lenten Sundays. But there it was (they were?) none the less, and there was not a blessed thing I could do about it--nor wanted to!
St. Patrick will be celebrated in fine style by us on Wednesday night. We are having a Celtic Eucharist....singing some beautiful music and using a lovely setting of the liturgy to take us back and away and quiet us down a bit. There will be a drum too if mine comes in the air in time. Me in an alb with a drum....yeah, I can't help thinking about some of the good sisters of my childhood. "What has become of that girl?" For some I'm sure it's tantamount to no good end. But you know, I think that my lovely Irish Catholic mother will be having a great giggle over all of it.
So there we are. Monday winds down. It's off to yoga now....a spiritual thing in my day (thinking still about that Friday Five) that was far too full of things that were maybe religious and maybe simply things. But in this there will be quiet, and I will pipe down and find a space for God to settle in me for a time and we will dance a bit as we play with Spirit and breath and asana in the space created there.
Thursday, March 04, 2010
The Circle of Life
R's dad has found peace and is with his Lord. He died last night. He was ready. As always, those left behind are more or less so. We will grieve and miss him, but we know, that without a doubt, he has found a more abundant and joyous life. Go with God. Rest in peace and rise in glory.
Wednesday, March 03, 2010
Saturday, February 27, 2010
Saturday....in the cold
In the winter of our discontent, which goes on and on and on. Today's amusement has been looking at rental properties in the South, for "the five year plan" Ha--we will not--I repeat not-- be here for four more of these winters! This one and the next because we must and then we will see. That and continuing to dream about the Texas road trip keeps us sane as we look at the piles of dirty snow, and and shiver in the still single-digit temps and wait for the Spring that seems like it will never come.
The sermon is done, so we can go play today. The plan is to deliver a birthday cake, run some errands and go to a play tonight at the local college. That sermon was a bit of a struggle. I ended up going more with Father Abraham and a nod to the Gospel. That wasn't where I started, but it's where I went, so maybe it's where I was supposed to go. I'll take that and assume some Spirit at work.
Tomorrow we are discerning two new people for our ministry team, one for youth work and another for evangelism with young adults. This is sort of a leap of faith as neither population is very present among us at this point. So it's kind of an "if we build it they will come" proposition...and this is truly what these folks are feeling called to, so, we will listen, discern and off we go.
We'd like to take Gladys the Mini out for a spin, but she really does not enjoy ice and snow on her skirts. Getting to her in the back garage would require some heavy lifting, and R would have to clear some significant ice humps in the driveway to make way for her ladyship. She really is not a winter car, so maybe not this week yet. *sigh* Back to the practical pickup.
R and I are also meeting with our organist tomorrow to choose our "coming and going" music for the wedding. One more thing off that giant checklist. It gets smaller every day, as do the number of days I have to accomplish it. I'm starting to get a little anxious about things. The big one is "what if ________ does not show up." And on any give day it's fill in your favorite blank...the caterer, the DJ, the cake. There are some people I have no worries about, and they are truly the important ones...the GROOM for one! TBTG :) I also know that my clergy gals will be on board as will my faithful Soul Sisters to witness and attend. So the important things will happen. It's more the feeding and entertaining of the multitudes at the after-festivities that are giving me the 4 a.m fits at this point. So I have set R to work on dealing with the DJ (that is the guy that worries me the most for various reasons) and calling back the caterer as he has a personal contact there. I have the invitations ready to roll...they go out Monday, and I will go see the cake lady and the florist soon. The liturgy is coming along nicely, the service booklet is almost done, the readings and hymns are chosen, I just have to finalize the last few things there and it's off to the printer. Whew! When I decided I wanted a "real" wedding, I had no clue how much stuff there was all involved....and this is really just a simple little thing for the most part...a wedding liturgy, a little dinner and a party for friends and family to celebrate the whole thing. I have actually found myself thinking "I will be glad when it's done" and then feeling bad about even having that thought about my one and only wedding.
An additional concern we are having is R's dad. His health continues to decline and the family is pulling together to keep him living independently as is his wish. Please keep him and them in your prayers.
So we trudge on (because that's what you do here in the back end of winter...you trudge) and wait for things to melt and warm. The Almanac says March promises more cold, more snow, but the local forecast says the next couple weeks might be a little warmer. In the meantime, we remain hopeful that Spring will come, as it always does.
The sermon is done, so we can go play today. The plan is to deliver a birthday cake, run some errands and go to a play tonight at the local college. That sermon was a bit of a struggle. I ended up going more with Father Abraham and a nod to the Gospel. That wasn't where I started, but it's where I went, so maybe it's where I was supposed to go. I'll take that and assume some Spirit at work.
Tomorrow we are discerning two new people for our ministry team, one for youth work and another for evangelism with young adults. This is sort of a leap of faith as neither population is very present among us at this point. So it's kind of an "if we build it they will come" proposition...and this is truly what these folks are feeling called to, so, we will listen, discern and off we go.
We'd like to take Gladys the Mini out for a spin, but she really does not enjoy ice and snow on her skirts. Getting to her in the back garage would require some heavy lifting, and R would have to clear some significant ice humps in the driveway to make way for her ladyship. She really is not a winter car, so maybe not this week yet. *sigh* Back to the practical pickup.
R and I are also meeting with our organist tomorrow to choose our "coming and going" music for the wedding. One more thing off that giant checklist. It gets smaller every day, as do the number of days I have to accomplish it. I'm starting to get a little anxious about things. The big one is "what if ________ does not show up." And on any give day it's fill in your favorite blank...the caterer, the DJ, the cake. There are some people I have no worries about, and they are truly the important ones...the GROOM for one! TBTG :) I also know that my clergy gals will be on board as will my faithful Soul Sisters to witness and attend. So the important things will happen. It's more the feeding and entertaining of the multitudes at the after-festivities that are giving me the 4 a.m fits at this point. So I have set R to work on dealing with the DJ (that is the guy that worries me the most for various reasons) and calling back the caterer as he has a personal contact there. I have the invitations ready to roll...they go out Monday, and I will go see the cake lady and the florist soon. The liturgy is coming along nicely, the service booklet is almost done, the readings and hymns are chosen, I just have to finalize the last few things there and it's off to the printer. Whew! When I decided I wanted a "real" wedding, I had no clue how much stuff there was all involved....and this is really just a simple little thing for the most part...a wedding liturgy, a little dinner and a party for friends and family to celebrate the whole thing. I have actually found myself thinking "I will be glad when it's done" and then feeling bad about even having that thought about my one and only wedding.
An additional concern we are having is R's dad. His health continues to decline and the family is pulling together to keep him living independently as is his wish. Please keep him and them in your prayers.
So we trudge on (because that's what you do here in the back end of winter...you trudge) and wait for things to melt and warm. The Almanac says March promises more cold, more snow, but the local forecast says the next couple weeks might be a little warmer. In the meantime, we remain hopeful that Spring will come, as it always does.
Saturday, February 20, 2010
The Honeymoon Plan
Whether it's the counter on the blog ticking away the days, the unrelenting grey of winter making us want to run away from home, the fact that the stove shorted out and we needed to buy a new one in the midst of planning a wedding and we needed a good distraction, or the fact that people keep asking, "so what are you two doing for your honeymoon?" R and I decided that today was the day we were going to decide exactly what it is we are going to do for our wedding trip! We had options. Mexico was one, and was originally the one we thought we were heading for. We have been offered the use of a time share any time we want in Puerta Vallarta as a wedding gift, and all we need to do is get ourselves there. But May does not seem like the ideal time to go to Mexico. NOW would be the ideal time to go to Mexico, but I don't think it would be quite proper for us to go on our honeymoon eighty some days before the wedding. So we are thinking that we will save that generous offer for next winter when we simply can't stand it here anymore and take a great winter vacation.
Which left us with the question of where to go and what to do at the proper honeymoon time. But, the plan has been made! We are doing what we love most....We are taking a road trip in Gladys the Mini Cooper! We are going to go see Jimmy Buffett on the 20th of May.....drum roll please.....at Woodlands Pavillion in Spring, Texas.
Now of course what this means is that we will be passing through Dallas-Ft. Worth, and hanging around near Houston and Galveston for a few days. And R being the great guy that he is says, "It would be great if you could catch up with some of your friends while we are there!" We plan to leave here on May 17th and mosey down for a couple days, stay for the concert and then mosey back for a few more getting home around the 24th.
This just feels like the perfect plan. Road trips are really our thing, we love travelling in Gladys, Jimmy concerts are special for us, and as a bonus I might get to have a meet-up or two. Does it get any better all in one trip! R just went on line and got the concert tickets, so it's official.
Which left us with the question of where to go and what to do at the proper honeymoon time. But, the plan has been made! We are doing what we love most....We are taking a road trip in Gladys the Mini Cooper! We are going to go see Jimmy Buffett on the 20th of May.....drum roll please.....at Woodlands Pavillion in Spring, Texas.
Now of course what this means is that we will be passing through Dallas-Ft. Worth, and hanging around near Houston and Galveston for a few days. And R being the great guy that he is says, "It would be great if you could catch up with some of your friends while we are there!" We plan to leave here on May 17th and mosey down for a couple days, stay for the concert and then mosey back for a few more getting home around the 24th.
This just feels like the perfect plan. Road trips are really our thing, we love travelling in Gladys, Jimmy concerts are special for us, and as a bonus I might get to have a meet-up or two. Does it get any better all in one trip! R just went on line and got the concert tickets, so it's official.
Monday, January 04, 2010
2010...so far
Well what I can say about the new decade so far is that it is darn cold! In the twenties below zero in the early morning hours, rising ALL the way to single digits above in the heat of the day. This place is not for wimps. Or newer appliances apparently. My new washer froze up on Saturday. It's in the same place in the back porch laundry room where the old one lived happily these many years without a murmur. But the new one does not seem so hardy. The first clue was when the water did not come forth from the hoses. Got that solved after a little stint with a heater, but then the agitator didn't turn. That too eventually thawed....only to find that the drain hose had been frosted shut. That I don't think I can blame on the new washer. That I think, is just because it is blasted cold!!!! But bless R, man with a brain that he is....he helped solve that by putting some fans in the basement to move the warm air towards the pipe, and by evening, all was well in laundry land again.
In the midst of all of this artic blast, we baptized a baby yesterday. I told little M's folks that he would have the fame of being the kid baptized on the coldest day in memory at St. J's. What a cute little bundle he was, too. Slept right through the whole business, until C, who baptized him was carrying him down the aisle. Then he woke up and smiled at everyone.
I think I am suffering from brain freeze in the midst of all of this. R and I went in to church early yesterday to help C get set up and ready for the baptism. I was helping her copy and collate bulletins on our ancient and uncooperative copier, R had moved the font and was sitting innocently in a pew contemplating the stained glass (or something). The phone rang and it was C's mom saying their car would not start and they were not going to make it to service, so could someone please go start the coffee and make sure the goodies got put in to warm. C and I were both feeling a bit frazzled at this point as time was moving along, and the copier was being its usual balky self. So I said, "Oh, we can ask R, he's just sitting out there gathering dust." Well of course I meant woolgathering but it didn't occur to me what I'd said. The altar guild person who was in the office with us simply scurried on out to him and told him what I'd said. C looked at me a little funny and said, "do you always talk about him that way?" And I, thinking she was talking about teasing each other, said, "Sure, and he gives as good as he gets." It was literally hours later when some little synapse in my brain went "snick" and I went "OMG....what did I say?" And then of course I started laughing and made a big confession to him and we had a great laugh about it because he had no idea that I didn't mean to say that he wasn't collecting dust all along!!! Cold, apparently is not good for new appliances and older brains.
The weather man says it will be Saturday before there is any real relief. I shudder to think what kind of mayhem I may wreak by then. Maybe a nice warm hat would help?
In the midst of all of this artic blast, we baptized a baby yesterday. I told little M's folks that he would have the fame of being the kid baptized on the coldest day in memory at St. J's. What a cute little bundle he was, too. Slept right through the whole business, until C, who baptized him was carrying him down the aisle. Then he woke up and smiled at everyone.
I think I am suffering from brain freeze in the midst of all of this. R and I went in to church early yesterday to help C get set up and ready for the baptism. I was helping her copy and collate bulletins on our ancient and uncooperative copier, R had moved the font and was sitting innocently in a pew contemplating the stained glass (or something). The phone rang and it was C's mom saying their car would not start and they were not going to make it to service, so could someone please go start the coffee and make sure the goodies got put in to warm. C and I were both feeling a bit frazzled at this point as time was moving along, and the copier was being its usual balky self. So I said, "Oh, we can ask R, he's just sitting out there gathering dust." Well of course I meant woolgathering but it didn't occur to me what I'd said. The altar guild person who was in the office with us simply scurried on out to him and told him what I'd said. C looked at me a little funny and said, "do you always talk about him that way?" And I, thinking she was talking about teasing each other, said, "Sure, and he gives as good as he gets." It was literally hours later when some little synapse in my brain went "snick" and I went "OMG....what did I say?" And then of course I started laughing and made a big confession to him and we had a great laugh about it because he had no idea that I didn't mean to say that he wasn't collecting dust all along!!! Cold, apparently is not good for new appliances and older brains.
The weather man says it will be Saturday before there is any real relief. I shudder to think what kind of mayhem I may wreak by then. Maybe a nice warm hat would help?
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Happy New Year
Can it really be the end of another year? Or the beginning of one? They do seem to speed by, and yet looking back, so much happens in these 365 short days. These years in particular, the one just gone and the one to come are big ones. In 2009, getting engaged, making plans....for what will happen on May 15, 2010. Now I am in no way a person who thinks that the wedding day is more important that the marriage. I am in fact appalled by that kind of thinking. R and I are working on planning a celebration that will be reflective of us and our love, and will not cost an arm and a leg, all of which does take time and some amount of work. We've been going at it as a team for some months now. And lots is done. The most of it, in fact. We have the places, the people, the stuff of it pretty much all arranged. One day last week I saw some sample invitations with all the relevant real details filled in. It suddenly became very real. It took my breath away. At a point well past I ever thought it could happen....I am getting married for the first time. To a man who fills me with such happiness on a daily basis that I can hardly contain the gratitude. Yep, quite a year...coming and going.
We went to the New Year's Eve dance at the country club last night as we did last year. And again it was a wonderful evening. Last year it was like a dream come true, and I'd felt kind of like Cinderella at the ball. There was all the excitement of being held in the arms of this man I was so clearly falling for, along with the nervousness that still lingered with the newness. This year there was nothing but the comfort of the familiarity of "us." He is mine and I am his. We share our own shorthand language, little jokes, and the safety that over a year together brings. As I danced I looked around at the space and realized that probably the next time we will be there it will be for our reception. The more "real" this becomes the more I want it to hurry fast and come!
This morning I feel kind of creaky. Clearly this body is not used to HOURS of dancing. The list of the places that don't crack, ache or twinge is much shorter than the one of those that do. But worth it? Oh yes! It's probably not helped by the fact that I went to three yoga classes this week. But that is a good thing too, as one of my intentions for the new year is to try to revive my practice as one my spiritual disciplines. There was a time when I had a thriving daily practice. Then one day....it just ....went away. Well, it wasn't really that simple. Life changed, schedules changed, I changed, and I never really took the time or the discipline to figure out how to put it back. But the time has come. I miss it in many ways. So when the local studio offered an "intensive week" between the holidays I jumped on it and went to class three times. OY! I am studying with a new teacher also. She does Anusara, which is much more like where I "come from" in the past with yoga. I love it, but it gets me in touch very fast with how inflexible and wimpy I have become. So it's back to beginners, which is kind of humbling after all these years. But then, I suppose yoga was never really intended for competition, even with oneself!
Today is going to be a very laid back day. Leftovers, time on the couch. That's what I'm up for on this first day of the new decade.
Wishing all of you a most joyfilled, blessed and prosperous 2010.
We went to the New Year's Eve dance at the country club last night as we did last year. And again it was a wonderful evening. Last year it was like a dream come true, and I'd felt kind of like Cinderella at the ball. There was all the excitement of being held in the arms of this man I was so clearly falling for, along with the nervousness that still lingered with the newness. This year there was nothing but the comfort of the familiarity of "us." He is mine and I am his. We share our own shorthand language, little jokes, and the safety that over a year together brings. As I danced I looked around at the space and realized that probably the next time we will be there it will be for our reception. The more "real" this becomes the more I want it to hurry fast and come!
This morning I feel kind of creaky. Clearly this body is not used to HOURS of dancing. The list of the places that don't crack, ache or twinge is much shorter than the one of those that do. But worth it? Oh yes! It's probably not helped by the fact that I went to three yoga classes this week. But that is a good thing too, as one of my intentions for the new year is to try to revive my practice as one my spiritual disciplines. There was a time when I had a thriving daily practice. Then one day....it just ....went away. Well, it wasn't really that simple. Life changed, schedules changed, I changed, and I never really took the time or the discipline to figure out how to put it back. But the time has come. I miss it in many ways. So when the local studio offered an "intensive week" between the holidays I jumped on it and went to class three times. OY! I am studying with a new teacher also. She does Anusara, which is much more like where I "come from" in the past with yoga. I love it, but it gets me in touch very fast with how inflexible and wimpy I have become. So it's back to beginners, which is kind of humbling after all these years. But then, I suppose yoga was never really intended for competition, even with oneself!
Today is going to be a very laid back day. Leftovers, time on the couch. That's what I'm up for on this first day of the new decade.
Wishing all of you a most joyfilled, blessed and prosperous 2010.
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Dancing with Light and Shadows
I am once again at the retreat center overlooking the lake….it is the last morning of Fall Clergy Conference. Whether this gets posted now or later will be up to the will of the mighty WIFI that controls our lives in this place. It is capricious here, and comes and goes seemingly with little rhyme or reason. But , given that it is a retreat center…perhaps that’s not such a bad thing.
Clergy conference this year has been of the retreat nature. This morning we will conclude with Eucharist and a little business, have lunch and go home. This is our last CC with our current Bishop and will be our final liturgy with him as assembled clergy, and will I am sure, be bittersweet.
Our leader this year is a clinical social worker and priest who works as a clergy coach. That is not, however, what he says he does. He says he plays. That was one of the loveliest things about this time. It was playful, while also being, at least for me full of wonderful reminders, little “aha” moments, and a few tears. Will started out with us “in the garden,” asking us to go to a place we could remember feeling easy and playful and to just stay there for a while, holding on to the feeling, the essence of that. We shared words that captured that feeling. We got to stay in the garden for a while, but eventually we moved to the wilderness. Will reminded us that after Jesus was assured that he was beloved that was where he went and that this is often where we are. He talked about the shadows we find there and named five ( based on work by Parker Palmer). In small groups we named the shadow that speaks to us most, the one that seems to be our most constant companion…at least right now. The rest of our group listened and heard us. They shared theirs too. Then in the large group we each stood and simply said our name and claimed our shadow. “I’m Kate and I am a functional atheist.” (The belief that I am in charge of the universe, that I have to take care of everything, that I have to do it all). There were a lot of us in that crowd. We could start FAA! Claiming your shadow is powerful. Liberating and lightening. This one was no surprise to me. It’s actually one I have been friends with for a while and have been releasing for some time. I called it overfunctioning. Calling it functional atheism made me sit up and take notice. GOD is in there….or rather isn’t. Uh-oh. It took me back to what the Presiding Bishop said in her talk with us last Spring when she was asked about staying so cool under the pressures of leadership. She said she remembers that its God’s church and then she goes to bed.
Next Will reminded us that Jesus was not in the wilderness alone. That angels were there “tending” to him. He reminded us that we too are tended, and asked us to call to mind those who tend us on this side of the grave and beyond. Once again we shared those people in groups with our peers. Moms, dead and alive were on lots of angel lists. So were spouses and partners. Mine was. I told them that R was definitely an angel and “tender” for me….and that furthermore I understood the love of God better since he has been in my life.
Last night’s session took us out of the wilderness and into the world….but by a rather strange route…via the boat….yes that would be the one we need to step out of onto water as Jesus says “come.” It’s about trusting that the hand held out in love is there and the relationship is solid enough to hold us….and do we really trust it. Will read us this poem by Michael Whyte. It felt like a very private altar call.
The True Love
There's a faith in loving fiercely the one who is rightfully yours
especially if you have waited years and especially if part of you never
believed you could deserve this loved and beckoning hand held
out to you this way.
I am thinking of faith now and the testaments of loneliness
and what we feel we are worthy of in this world.
Years ago in the Hebrides I remember an old man
who would walk every morning on the gray stones
to the shore of baying seals, who would press his
hat to his chest in the blustering salt wind and say his
prayer to the turbulent Jesus hidden in the waters.
And I think of the story of the storm and the people
waking and seeing the distant, yet familiar figure,
far across the water calling to them.
And how we are all preparing for that abrupt waking
and that calling and that moment when we have to say yes!
Except it will not come so grandly, so biblically,
but more subtly, and intimately in the face
of the one you know you have to love.
So that when we finally step out of the boat
toward them we find, everything holds us,
and everything confirms our courage.
And if you wanted to drown, you could,
But you don't, because finally, after all
this struggle and all these years,
you don't want to anymore.You've simply had enough of drowning
and you want to live, and you want to love.
And you'll walk across any territory,
and any darkness, however fluid,
and however dangerous to take the one
hand and the one life, you know belongs in yours.
I needed this conference to be a retreat and I’m so glad it was. There is “stuff” in our Diocese. We are electing a Bishop in about six weeks. We have issues. Well, duh! Of course we do, we are church. And just why is that? Why is it all so contentious? It seems that everywhere I look lately congregations and denominations and diocese….they all have all this stuff they are wrangling about. Locally and elsewhere, so many of my pastor friends are in so much pain over things that are going on in their congregations. I think this just makes God weep….we are all God’s beloved. I keep imagining again the garden…the words we came up with….serene, playful, whole, gleeful, peaceful, unworried, well, childlike, unfettered, unselfconscious, creative, happy, laughing, flying, unlimited….and thinking, what if these were the words that described church? Wouldn’t this be the place you would really want to be? And yet, why is it not….the Lover who created us gave us the potential for this. And yet the shadow keeps winning. Not because it is so powerful, but because we refuse to acknowledge its presence. As long as we pretend it is not there it has all the power. But naming it disarms it. Allowing others to name the one they see lurking behind us that we cannot possibly see is more powerful still. But that takes trust and an even bigger step out of the boat.
Lots to reflect on, lots to pray about. Time to hit the “WIFI hot spot” now to see if this will post…then on to close the conference.
Clergy conference this year has been of the retreat nature. This morning we will conclude with Eucharist and a little business, have lunch and go home. This is our last CC with our current Bishop and will be our final liturgy with him as assembled clergy, and will I am sure, be bittersweet.
Our leader this year is a clinical social worker and priest who works as a clergy coach. That is not, however, what he says he does. He says he plays. That was one of the loveliest things about this time. It was playful, while also being, at least for me full of wonderful reminders, little “aha” moments, and a few tears. Will started out with us “in the garden,” asking us to go to a place we could remember feeling easy and playful and to just stay there for a while, holding on to the feeling, the essence of that. We shared words that captured that feeling. We got to stay in the garden for a while, but eventually we moved to the wilderness. Will reminded us that after Jesus was assured that he was beloved that was where he went and that this is often where we are. He talked about the shadows we find there and named five ( based on work by Parker Palmer). In small groups we named the shadow that speaks to us most, the one that seems to be our most constant companion…at least right now. The rest of our group listened and heard us. They shared theirs too. Then in the large group we each stood and simply said our name and claimed our shadow. “I’m Kate and I am a functional atheist.” (The belief that I am in charge of the universe, that I have to take care of everything, that I have to do it all). There were a lot of us in that crowd. We could start FAA! Claiming your shadow is powerful. Liberating and lightening. This one was no surprise to me. It’s actually one I have been friends with for a while and have been releasing for some time. I called it overfunctioning. Calling it functional atheism made me sit up and take notice. GOD is in there….or rather isn’t. Uh-oh. It took me back to what the Presiding Bishop said in her talk with us last Spring when she was asked about staying so cool under the pressures of leadership. She said she remembers that its God’s church and then she goes to bed.
Next Will reminded us that Jesus was not in the wilderness alone. That angels were there “tending” to him. He reminded us that we too are tended, and asked us to call to mind those who tend us on this side of the grave and beyond. Once again we shared those people in groups with our peers. Moms, dead and alive were on lots of angel lists. So were spouses and partners. Mine was. I told them that R was definitely an angel and “tender” for me….and that furthermore I understood the love of God better since he has been in my life.
Last night’s session took us out of the wilderness and into the world….but by a rather strange route…via the boat….yes that would be the one we need to step out of onto water as Jesus says “come.” It’s about trusting that the hand held out in love is there and the relationship is solid enough to hold us….and do we really trust it. Will read us this poem by Michael Whyte. It felt like a very private altar call.
The True Love
There's a faith in loving fiercely the one who is rightfully yours
especially if you have waited years and especially if part of you never
believed you could deserve this loved and beckoning hand held
out to you this way.
I am thinking of faith now and the testaments of loneliness
and what we feel we are worthy of in this world.
Years ago in the Hebrides I remember an old man
who would walk every morning on the gray stones
to the shore of baying seals, who would press his
hat to his chest in the blustering salt wind and say his
prayer to the turbulent Jesus hidden in the waters.
And I think of the story of the storm and the people
waking and seeing the distant, yet familiar figure,
far across the water calling to them.
And how we are all preparing for that abrupt waking
and that calling and that moment when we have to say yes!
Except it will not come so grandly, so biblically,
but more subtly, and intimately in the face
of the one you know you have to love.
So that when we finally step out of the boat
toward them we find, everything holds us,
and everything confirms our courage.
And if you wanted to drown, you could,
But you don't, because finally, after all
this struggle and all these years,
you don't want to anymore.You've simply had enough of drowning
and you want to live, and you want to love.
And you'll walk across any territory,
and any darkness, however fluid,
and however dangerous to take the one
hand and the one life, you know belongs in yours.
I needed this conference to be a retreat and I’m so glad it was. There is “stuff” in our Diocese. We are electing a Bishop in about six weeks. We have issues. Well, duh! Of course we do, we are church. And just why is that? Why is it all so contentious? It seems that everywhere I look lately congregations and denominations and diocese….they all have all this stuff they are wrangling about. Locally and elsewhere, so many of my pastor friends are in so much pain over things that are going on in their congregations. I think this just makes God weep….we are all God’s beloved. I keep imagining again the garden…the words we came up with….serene, playful, whole, gleeful, peaceful, unworried, well, childlike, unfettered, unselfconscious, creative, happy, laughing, flying, unlimited….and thinking, what if these were the words that described church? Wouldn’t this be the place you would really want to be? And yet, why is it not….the Lover who created us gave us the potential for this. And yet the shadow keeps winning. Not because it is so powerful, but because we refuse to acknowledge its presence. As long as we pretend it is not there it has all the power. But naming it disarms it. Allowing others to name the one they see lurking behind us that we cannot possibly see is more powerful still. But that takes trust and an even bigger step out of the boat.
Lots to reflect on, lots to pray about. Time to hit the “WIFI hot spot” now to see if this will post…then on to close the conference.
Monday, August 03, 2009
The Bike Story
One of the first things I came to know about R when I met him is that he is a "love by doing" kind of guy. Oh, not that he is inarticulate or anything. We have wonderful and wide-ranging conversations about anything and everything. But when it comes right down to it....if you want to know who he is...watch him in action. So this whole bike thing really should have come as no surprise to me.....
As some readers of the blog know, I bought myself a bike for my birthday. I was taken by the lovely purple color, and yes, the low-low price at the big box store. I was also taken in, I fear by the smooth talk of the guy who said he knew how to assemble the bikes. He's the husband of an ex-coworker, and as such, I was more than willing to believe him. Perhaps he was truthful, and the bike was simply a lemon, or his rhetoric outweighs his skills. At any rate, the loss of the pedal on the first ride was not a fluke. The bike was not up to par. The rear brake would not release, the frame was funky, and the whole bike just wasn't right! We had both looked at it and made a decision that the best thing was to take it back and get a refund. I knew this meant I would likely be bikeless at least for a while, as I had looked at the other discount place in town (what we have here for retail options) and there was nothing in my price range that looked any better, and the local bike shop was waaaaaay out of range even for a "starter" bike. I was feeling kind of bummed about this and R knew it. We had fun even on our ill-fated starter ride with my crummy bike and were looking forward to going riding together before the summer waned. But no bike was better than this bike, we reasoned. And maybe next year, I could afford a good one from the bike shop, or maybe I'd run across one somewhere yet later in the summer. *sigh* We planned to take the lemon back the next night after work.
The next afternoon was sitting at my desk when an e-mail popped up from R. "I found you a bike." The very same bike shop that had looked aghast and appalled when I asked them if they ever had anything in a used bike "just happened" to have a lovely women's used Schwinn commuter, all tuned up and ready for resale when he called them. Yep...you just have to know the right people in a small town! We went over after work and clinched the deal (which he also negotiated fabulously, BTW). I LOVE this bike!!!! It rides great and I feel free and safe and balanced on it in a way that I have not felt on a bike since I was a kid! Turns out he had been on line that day checking out the local "traders" for bikes too, before calling the bike shop. He really put himself into this for me and I was blown away. No one has ever done anything like this for me before...just saw something that I needed and gone and worked at getting it for me. And of course I reacted to that in kind, which kind of stunned R. His version of the story can be told in two seconds and five words, "I found Kate a bike" and he sees it as no big thing. But to me it's all about the way he loves, and who he is and the way my life has changed. I am no longer the only one taking care of me. I don't have to figure it all out, fix it all, cover it all. The buck doesn't stop here anymore, and that feels so incredibly good!
Every time I look at that pretty white bike with the purple-ish trim I have to smile. It's a symbol of love to me. Just like my clean gutters and our lovely garden and the fans that run again and all the other little things that work again that didn't before he was in my life. I understand how God loves me better since R is in my life. I get in a new and visceral way what it is like to be beloved.....to feel deeply cared for, surrounded, protected and nurtured by love. I am so blessed. And so grateful.
As some readers of the blog know, I bought myself a bike for my birthday. I was taken by the lovely purple color, and yes, the low-low price at the big box store. I was also taken in, I fear by the smooth talk of the guy who said he knew how to assemble the bikes. He's the husband of an ex-coworker, and as such, I was more than willing to believe him. Perhaps he was truthful, and the bike was simply a lemon, or his rhetoric outweighs his skills. At any rate, the loss of the pedal on the first ride was not a fluke. The bike was not up to par. The rear brake would not release, the frame was funky, and the whole bike just wasn't right! We had both looked at it and made a decision that the best thing was to take it back and get a refund. I knew this meant I would likely be bikeless at least for a while, as I had looked at the other discount place in town (what we have here for retail options) and there was nothing in my price range that looked any better, and the local bike shop was waaaaaay out of range even for a "starter" bike. I was feeling kind of bummed about this and R knew it. We had fun even on our ill-fated starter ride with my crummy bike and were looking forward to going riding together before the summer waned. But no bike was better than this bike, we reasoned. And maybe next year, I could afford a good one from the bike shop, or maybe I'd run across one somewhere yet later in the summer. *sigh* We planned to take the lemon back the next night after work.
The next afternoon was sitting at my desk when an e-mail popped up from R. "I found you a bike." The very same bike shop that had looked aghast and appalled when I asked them if they ever had anything in a used bike "just happened" to have a lovely women's used Schwinn commuter, all tuned up and ready for resale when he called them. Yep...you just have to know the right people in a small town! We went over after work and clinched the deal (which he also negotiated fabulously, BTW). I LOVE this bike!!!! It rides great and I feel free and safe and balanced on it in a way that I have not felt on a bike since I was a kid! Turns out he had been on line that day checking out the local "traders" for bikes too, before calling the bike shop. He really put himself into this for me and I was blown away. No one has ever done anything like this for me before...just saw something that I needed and gone and worked at getting it for me. And of course I reacted to that in kind, which kind of stunned R. His version of the story can be told in two seconds and five words, "I found Kate a bike" and he sees it as no big thing. But to me it's all about the way he loves, and who he is and the way my life has changed. I am no longer the only one taking care of me. I don't have to figure it all out, fix it all, cover it all. The buck doesn't stop here anymore, and that feels so incredibly good!
Every time I look at that pretty white bike with the purple-ish trim I have to smile. It's a symbol of love to me. Just like my clean gutters and our lovely garden and the fans that run again and all the other little things that work again that didn't before he was in my life. I understand how God loves me better since R is in my life. I get in a new and visceral way what it is like to be beloved.....to feel deeply cared for, surrounded, protected and nurtured by love. I am so blessed. And so grateful.
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