Oh. My. Goodness. So I am just off the road for the second time in six days and simultaneously trying to come to terms with the fact that three weeks from today we take possession of our new digs and I start my new job. To say that this feels a little bit like the train is coming on fast would be an understatement. I am feeling every possible emotion that I think a human being could be feeling right now as I try to purge and pack our house, say goodbye to clients and settle them in with their new therapists at work, prepare for my last two services at church, get my credentials in order so I can start producing revenue in my new practice location, get insurance, think about all the transferring stuff that goes with a move, gas, electrical, cable and such, having some conversations about what I might do church-wise in the new place, say goodbye to friends, and just generally fret about the whole darn transition! Oh, yeah, and interview for CPE, which also happened today, and BTW....I was accepted for the extended program for Fall. Whew! Excited about that...another validation that this is what is supposed to be going on here and now, part of something bigger (sometimes at the three a.m. panic I have doubts).
Clergy conference was awesome. So good, in fact, that I was able to pretty much forget all this junk and focus. We had Bill Brosend from the Episcopal Preaching Foundation accompanied by Lauren Winner and Debbie Blue. All had good and helpful things to say about the art of preaching. Lauren talked about the intersection of preaching and spirituality and I had a little aha moment about how important that rhythm really is/was to me, even though it was spread over a month. Now that I don't know that I will for sure have that, I'm feeling a little untethered. I have had some conversations with people who have made some offers of supply that could possibly be "semi-regular" and my Bishop assures me he is still thinking on things as well, so I need to just be patient and wait for the dust to settle. Be not anxious. That thing I am so good at!
Our earlier trip was pretty great also. My daughter by marriage (who I am proud to say claims me as her step-mom) graduated summa cum laude on Friday! She's so awesome and we are waaaayyyy proud of her. We moved her into her first place on Saturday and that was....aerobic, and also fun in its own way. This whole having a kid is a pretty big thing for me at this stage of the game, (even though I sort of feel like I'm cheating as her dad really did the raising and I get to simply enjoy the benefits) it's still such a gift as this was something I had pretty much let go of ever having in my life.
It really is good to be home. I will be happy to be sleeping in my own bed tonight, to settle in for these last days and focus on having a "good end" in this place. While I have not exactly skulked away in the night I have been guilty of doing some abrupt and premature unplugging in the past to protect my heart. I really want to not do that but to remain present and open in each moment and to allow myself to remain here as long as I am here, going only as I really do leave. With God's grace, it could happen.