Off Again

As one might suspect from the absence of posts since before mid-month, the lovely consistency with which this month began has, as is sometimes the way of things, gone astray.  The courtship of my life-to-love has followed, a casualty of a nasty bronchial infection that left me limp and crouping for the better part of three weeks with what seemed like just enough energy to get through the minimum daily requirements of life.  Given a choice between time on the mat and an extra fifteen minutes of sleep, sleep won every time. Even "just lying there" as my teacher suggested had no appeal, as getting horizontal seemed to be an invitation to the little croupers in my chest to go full throttle. One day, then a week, then two, passed, and here we are, near the end of this month that began so well, back at square one. I'm discouraged by this, but not completely demoralized.  I still have hope that I can do this, and I am plotting a new strategy.

This is the last week of my job, and it is full and busy and tiring.  I think it would be folly to even think I could plan to be successful to try this again right now.  The crud is waning, but not entirely gone, so I am still grabbing all the sleep I can get and trying not to be too hard on myself about that.  But next week....now that is a different story.  I am on a little stay-cay between the old job and the new.  There is nothing scheduled, nothing more pressing than cleaning a garage.  My days are my own.  There is no excuse, no reason not to take the time I need to get a good routine established.  I have eleven days in which to solidify this, and hopefully too, to begin to remember why it is that I want to do this so badly in the first place. To remember who I am when this is part of me, and that I like this person.

I am also planning on attending my first yoga class in my new home town.  I spoke with the teacher and in one of those lovely little serendipitous things life offers now and again, it turns out that she has studied with the woman who taught my original teacher from ten plus years ago, the woman whose intensives I attended for four years in Mexico.  I have always loved the philosophy my teacher embodied, and really resonated with this form of yoga that emphasizes the spiritual as well as the physical aspects of the practice.  I have not found this emphasized in the other classes I have taken nearly as much, so I am really excited to see how this person teaches, and hope that this too is a connection to all that was so good and positive in that for me in the past.

Other parts of the plan to assemble a life to love are sputtering a little as well. Things on the congregational front are not moving at a pace that I would like. That is not to say that at some point all will not be well, but at this point things are not quite as I had hoped.   Being patient and dealing with uncertainty are not my strong suits, but it is what it is right now, and I'm trying to accept and wait with some level of grace....not always with complete success.

For the next few weeks though, I am focusing on leaving this job, being done in good stead, then taking my week to rest, recoup and get my plan in gear.  June 11 I start the new job, and there will be much learning there with new people and new systems.  We are hoping to have a little fun this summer, too.  Maybe a little travel, a few roadtrips and bike rides.  We need some downtime together as well!

So that is the plan and the intention as we finish May and move toward June.

A Quiet Saturday

It's quiet here today, at the end of our first full week in the new house.  I'm pretty amazed by how settled we are.  Oh, there are things to be done of course.  There is nothing on the walls yet, and a few boxes are still to be dealt with.  But it's not the important stuff.  That has all been pretty much unpacked and put away for most of the week.  There really is something to be said for a slow steady move over several weeks.  It gave us time to bring things in and put them away, so that the last day really was just the remaining essentials (and the things we needed the strong young relatives' help with the heavy lifting).

I have been off to clergy conference and back.  It seems that our CC tends to fall around big events in my life,  moving, weddings, things like that.  I am happy to say that even with the going and coming I have sustained my morning yoga practice for six days now!  I am giving myself "permission" to take Sundays off.  If I get there it's a bonus, but we tend to spend the morning together having a nice breakfast, getting ready for church, and I think that too, is an important part of this "life I love" rebuild.

Our original plan for today was to take in some of the Cinco de Mayo festivities in the Big City upriver.  But the combination of less than ideal weather and R being down with a nasty Spring cold has derailed that.  Right now I am listening to the comforting sounds of both my husband and dog napping peacefully. The revised plan includes a little errand running and our own Mexican dinner right here at home.  I have no church responsibilities on my calendar for a good long while now.  There is some pulpit supply off in the future, and plans are in the making for more involvement at my church here, though the when and how are still to be determined.  I need to be in wait and trust mode.  Not my best thing...but it too is part of the practice I guess.

So being slow today, taking it easy, no expectations....gee, that sounds like a weekend!

Home Again

This will be another short one, simply because it has been a very long day. It started in a retreat center (with some time on a yoga mat, may I say?) moved through a morning with my Bishop and clergy peeps as we prayed, reflected and talked together about how we can care for God's people, each other, and, not least of all, ourselves in our work of ministry. Then it was into the car and off to the office for three hours of group and a couple clients.  By then it was WAY past time to get myself home to the Sweet Husband. Three days apart is still much too long. I found him grilling chicken for our dinner. We caught up on our various days and I sent him off to bed. His days start in the wee dark hours and end while it is still light. On this day, mine too, will end before dark, I think. I am not at all sorry that tomorrow is Friday, and it too starts bright and early. As always, it was good to go and spend time immersed in my clergy world, and as always, it is so good to be home.

Day Three and Still Going

This will be brief as I am typing on a tablet and it is not my favorite thing. I just want to be on record here as saying that it was mat day three...yes even at clergy conference.

Being Accountable

Day 2-Mission Accomplished!  As predicted, it was a little harder to manage this morning. I had to be in the office by 8, my commute has changed from about 10 minutes to about 40, and I am going directly from work today to clergy conference so I had to make sure I had all my "stuff" to haul along on that trip.  But I did find my way to mat and prayerbook, and while perhaps I was a bit hurried and distracted, I was there and there counts.

New Beginnings

"It all begins with intention." FB...my wonderful yoga teacher/mentor
It was the first morning here in our new place and I determined that this will begin well, this new adventure. I do have the intention here to make a new start, to do all in my power to create a life I can be in love with.

I have been thinking about those bits and pieces of the life I once loved.  They seem to fall in two broad categories...the ones I have some control over and...of course, the ones I don't! So, not being entirely without sense, I thought it would seem reasonable to put my energy into that second category.  I used to have a lovely morning ritual of yoga and morning prayer.  It was a gentle and sweet way to start the day, and I seemed to be able to face whatever came with greater mental and physical flexibility.  Somewhere along the way, however this practice got lost, and though I have thought a lot about and wished a lot about getting it back, I have never really taken action to do something about really making that happen.

Today was the day that changed.  Early on in the day, before too many other things could happen to derail me, I took myself to the space I have already created for my practice.  All the right things are there, the mat, the props, the music, the prayer book.  It it a lovely room, in its other incarnation, our guest room and my creative space.  A comfy futon couch lives there, as does our electric fireplace.  The walls are a deep soothing blue, the floors are wood.  The windows are big and let in the wonderful morning light.  I have assembled there all the things that speak to me of Spirit, the things that remind of times when I did take my practices seriously, and what went on in my life as result.

I was a little anxious when I faced the mat today.  I have been attending yoga classes on and off, but they have been primarily of the "restorative" variety.   While I do enjoy them, and to some extent "need" them of a Friday afternoon, I don't find that they require either the physical or the spiritual discipline that my own practice, well-done, asked of me. So I began gently with some cow and cat stretches.  I remember FB telling us that even if all we did was lay on a mat for a time each day to begin a regular practice, it mattered, it was a beginning.  But soon I found myself moving into the familiar rhythms of my old routine of asanas, ending with my my sun salutations...stretching and bending back and forward, down to the mat and rising again. Emotions ran high, laughter and tears all from the same deep well. I ended sitting with Morning Prayer. It was indeed, a good beginning.

The rest of the day was busy and productive.  More unpacking and settling.  I tamed the bathroom, got the office in at least a semblance of working order, figured out the very high tech washer and dryer enough to accomplish some laundry. Midway through the day there was a trip to the office to see a client and do some necessary paperwork, then some errands, a dogwalk and making dinner for my sweetie. The sweetie and I did a quick post-dinner trip for some things I need to take along to my clergy conference tomorrow. Then it was home to bed for him and last minute packing for me as I'll go right from work to the conference tomorrow.

I think tomorrow and, of course, the days that follow will be the test of my resolve.  It was pretty painless to start this today when I did not have an early morning commitment and I could be leisurely and take my sweet time about it.  Tomorrow it's up and out bright and early.  But even then, I intend to make time, even if it's just a few brief minutes, to go to the mat, to open the space and possibility for whatever might happen there. Writing here will keep me honest, keep me accountable. We will see how it goes.