Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Off Again

As one might suspect from the absence of posts since before mid-month, the lovely consistency with which this month began has, as is sometimes the way of things, gone astray.  The courtship of my life-to-love has followed, a casualty of a nasty bronchial infection that left me limp and crouping for the better part of three weeks with what seemed like just enough energy to get through the minimum daily requirements of life.  Given a choice between time on the mat and an extra fifteen minutes of sleep, sleep won every time. Even "just lying there" as my teacher suggested had no appeal, as getting horizontal seemed to be an invitation to the little croupers in my chest to go full throttle. One day, then a week, then two, passed, and here we are, near the end of this month that began so well, back at square one. I'm discouraged by this, but not completely demoralized.  I still have hope that I can do this, and I am plotting a new strategy.

This is the last week of my job, and it is full and busy and tiring.  I think it would be folly to even think I could plan to be successful to try this again right now.  The crud is waning, but not entirely gone, so I am still grabbing all the sleep I can get and trying not to be too hard on myself about that.  But next week....now that is a different story.  I am on a little stay-cay between the old job and the new.  There is nothing scheduled, nothing more pressing than cleaning a garage.  My days are my own.  There is no excuse, no reason not to take the time I need to get a good routine established.  I have eleven days in which to solidify this, and hopefully too, to begin to remember why it is that I want to do this so badly in the first place. To remember who I am when this is part of me, and that I like this person.

I am also planning on attending my first yoga class in my new home town.  I spoke with the teacher and in one of those lovely little serendipitous things life offers now and again, it turns out that she has studied with the woman who taught my original teacher from ten plus years ago, the woman whose intensives I attended for four years in Mexico.  I have always loved the philosophy my teacher embodied, and really resonated with this form of yoga that emphasizes the spiritual as well as the physical aspects of the practice.  I have not found this emphasized in the other classes I have taken nearly as much, so I am really excited to see how this person teaches, and hope that this too is a connection to all that was so good and positive in that for me in the past.

Other parts of the plan to assemble a life to love are sputtering a little as well. Things on the congregational front are not moving at a pace that I would like. That is not to say that at some point all will not be well, but at this point things are not quite as I had hoped.   Being patient and dealing with uncertainty are not my strong suits, but it is what it is right now, and I'm trying to accept and wait with some level of grace....not always with complete success.

For the next few weeks though, I am focusing on leaving this job, being done in good stead, then taking my week to rest, recoup and get my plan in gear.  June 11 I start the new job, and there will be much learning there with new people and new systems.  We are hoping to have a little fun this summer, too.  Maybe a little travel, a few roadtrips and bike rides.  We need some downtime together as well!

So that is the plan and the intention as we finish May and move toward June.


Terri said...

I really understand the yoga class - so many classes these days are focused on intensity of workout! and not so much the spirituality of yoga. I too have found a good teacher here in my home town. AND I really like the "Yogamazing" podcasts which are videos that I can play on my laptop and iPad. Yogamazing offers 14-32 minute classes on all kinds of practices - flow, stress, clarity, etc. I like these too! Google Yogamazing and see what you can find.

And, I really hope you feel better. Sounds as if you needed the time to sleep - it's good to listen to your body. Of course it is also good to not allow one's body/mind to convince us that "sloth" is a virtue (which is my greatest risk - naming it "contemplation" when it may in fact be sloth...lol)

Celeste said...

Hi Kate! Missed you and have been wondering how you are doing in this transition time.If you find yourself in this little corner of SW MN- call me! Would love to see you. Actually you call call or text me any time :-)