When we went on the BE, we all picked a word the first night to be "our word" for the duration of our time together. A word to meditate on, to walk, to pray with, to live with. Since the cruise, the lovely Ruby has gifted all of us with our very own complete set of the words we selected from to use in our own lives back here in the dry land world. It has become my practice to select a word on Monday with morning prayer to set the tone for the week. And once in a while, when things get rough, I will go to my little Guatemalan bag that my sweet word cards live in and draw one, just as a way of connecting with Spirit, getting an extra focus, seeing what God might be having to say in the midst. Yesterday, I felt the need to do that when I came home from all that had gone on in the day. The word? Trust.
Trust indeed. A mighty challenge in these times. Trust in what precisely? The system? Doubtful. That any of this makes sense? Hardly! That there is a bigger picture here that I cannot see? Well I am supposed to be able to trust that, right? And I am trying. Trust L and his ability to survive yet one more blow? Yes to that. We talked last night, and of course he gets it. Duh. He was, we must remember, the one who had to tell me about the facts of life when it came to "real jail" and "real court." He knows without a PO or me or anyone else telling him exactly what the implications of this are. And he also really knows what it means to be Christ's own in this, and that it changes things, even, or maybe especially, should jail be a future (only temporary!) destination. There is trust, (or at least I'm working on it) that no matter what, all will be well, that I am with him and God is with us and grace abounds and love is unconditional and endures all things. I could pin some hope on that.
I am still incredibly sad for him today. And angry and upset about some things that are unbloggable. But so proud of him for being resilient and just going on. Going to work and hanging out with his friends today and continuing to furnish his place and acting as if it's all just going to be ok. Because that too, is trust. Maybe he knows something I don't, or gets this all at a level I can't seem to grasp. Or maybe he is just more fatalistic about life than I am. Things. Just. Happen. Expect it. Trust that you can't expect solid ground and be prepared for whatever comes. Live therefore in this moment. It is the one you have.
So I'm walking that word, sitting in the light of that word, praying on that word. Trust. Thinking lots about those two sermons I preached....don't be anxious because it wastes so much time that Jesus needs from us to be doing other things....like living in the only time we have, like baptising and celebrating and hoping and healing and remembering that we are those little sparrows that God cares for.