I realize that I have pretty much lost a week here. That is fairly reflective of how my life has felt. Running to catch myself and never quite getting there. Finally today I feel like there is a tiny pause to catch my breath before I plunge again. It has been a combination of too many tasks and commitments with not enough time, technology issues and just the stuff of life. It is also I think a bit of my default escape into busy-ness when I don't particularly want to deal with the business at hand in my emotional life. And I'm not sure this is an altogether bad thing. It does get stuff done that needs to be done. And it pulls me out of some murky pits. I know that it is about balance and that I can't be avoiding the realities of life (and generally don't) but sometimes a break is a good thing. There is something very therapeutic about checking the tasks off the list and seeing the pile go down, a sense of control when things are feeling a little less that way than I might like to admit. So stuff got done, articles written, sermons prepped and preached, MDG activities completed, concerts attended, meetings attended, birthdays celebrated, and Holy Week liturgies planned. Things done, and yes...still things left to do and looming on yet another list that needs to be done before Holy Week commences. But just for now....a little space to stop, breathe and reflect.
Lent in general has gone very fast. As things wrap up this week and move toward Holy Week, I find I am sorry to see it go. I have been really liking this rhythm of things I've been doing, especially the gatherings I've been attending for reflection and prayer with my Presbyterian friends. I have met some wonderful new people, been really taken in by them and accepted in a way that I have to admit has surprised me a little, based on some of my past church experiences.
Overall, there has been much to learn, to reflect on, to pray about in this Lent. God has been present in myriad and often subtle and unexpected ways. The growth of a new friendship, the grace of an old one under pressure, my own ability to be more than I expected in difficult circumstances, the opening of my heart in deepening compassion for the pain of others....it is all God, all the time...I just need to stop long enough to remember and be grateful.