Maybe....

Well there is no fallout so far.  Maybe because it's before the holiday and follks are kind of distracted.  Or maybe what I said was really outrageous only in my head. Or maybe the person who would be most outraged by my remarks didn't even hear them (despite the fact that she was sitting two feet from me at the time). The latter is what I really think. Which is why I of course I was upset in the first place.  I feel like one of those characters in the Charlie Brown cartoons talking away about whatever is utmost on my mind and it going out into the world as "wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa." That seems to be my impact level, lately.  And it's not just at work in the day job.  It's happening in my church life, too. I seem to be reduced to an insect who buzzes around making noise that at most annoys people but certainly means nothing of significance to them. In my head I think I am saying things that might matter.  But I am met with blank stares and silence...or in the case of e-mails a complete lack of response..like I didn't even send them.  It's a wierd sensation, this verbal invisibility cloak.  I'm trying to just stay in my good Zenish observing mode, not get all caught up in it, take it personally and such.  But there is no sermon yet for Sunday.  There is no work getting done at work beyond seeing the folks and being present to them. I am vastly tired and very glad that tomorrow I can just forget the whole business and eat turkey, weather permitting.