Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Life also goes on here....

I went back to the day job today. I'm finding I'm still dragging a bit from last week, and it's another of those transitions from one way of being to another. Though I have to say, having NG commenting on my last post really gave me a giggle this morning. Who knew! Yesterday was kind of long and meandering. I got a couple projects done, mainly painting my very old lawn chairs and my very rusty fire pit. While I was painting, I noticed that I was doing something that's been going on a lot lately. I was talking to myself. The increase in this behavior coincides temporally with living alone, so I am implying causality, even though I do remember from my stats classes that correlation says it ain't necessarily so. But if not, then something more ominous may be implied. My impending birthday that is taking me over the speed limit? Or worse? Mostly whenI am talking, I cheer lead myself. For example when I painted the chairs and the color and the texture really did match the existing chair finish I said "I rock!" I also talk to myself about things I need to do, give myself pep talks, and such. The thing is, I do some of this out loud. Which is fine if I am home alone, but I have caught myself doing this in public a couple times. I also have displayed a couple of other disturbing signs of possible impending neurological decline that have me a little worried. Word finding for example. When I am not nattering away to myself, sometimes I can't seem to think of the words I need. The other day I could not come up with "chain link fence" to save my life. And I needed that phrase! And people's names. Well forget that one! Back in the day when I led workshops, I could have forty people's names down by noon the first day. I am mortified to admit that when I was teaching recently, there were students whose names I wasn't really really certain up right up to the last day of school! I have been assured (by people I usually trust) that I could easily attribute it all to stress. I hope so. Because I am really not ready to lose my mind just yet. For one thing, I kind of need it for my livelihood for a while yet! So let's hope the talking to myself is just a sign that I am just getting very comfortable with myself and caring less what others think and willing to be my authentic slightly quirky self more publicly, and that other thing....what was that, oh yeah, the word thing, that it really is stress, and will get better as I do.

7 comments:

Ruth Hull Chatlien said...

I get the word thing all the time when I'm stressed, tired, or even when the verbal centers of my brain work too hard.

And my family always said that it's not a problem to talk to yourself unless you end up saying, "Huh? What was that?"

Cheers.

Tandaina- said...

Ah i can't tell you how many times people in conversation with me have had to play "guess the word" because I can't come up with it to save my life.

I do the talking to self thing too, but I have an excuse, I'm talking to the CAT. I swear, the cat, and he likes to listen...

imngrace said...

You are right. Talking to yourself is probably a product of now living alone. It happened to me, too. It passed, but I find myself doing it time and again.

A cold drink with an umbrella in it and sitting on the newly painted chairs in the sun might help...

mid-life rookie said...

Buy a blue tooth device for your cell phone. Wear it around in the store. Then when you are talking to yourself, everyone will assume you are on the phone. Praying for your mental, spiritual, and emotional well being.

writing as eliza said...

ooooh, I like mid-life's idea! Praying for you today, and for you to find time to enjoy that nice cold drink with an umbrella on those newly painted chairs!!

Kathryn said...

My beloved offspring have for years said that they will not notice should Alzheimers strike, because I have been utterly demented from the day they were born. My kettle, dishwasher and other crucial domestic appliances seem to thrive with a few words of encouragement, and, like tandaina I am delighted to address any and every remark to cats or dog.
As for lost words - mine are usually to do with tongue running at different speed from brain...but not always...And yes, exhaustion has a bearing too. Definitely time to sit with that drink.

Rev SS said...

Talking to one's self if a sign of brillence, honest! And the word thing ... that would be another sign. -:)