Life, it seems, is an endless adventure. Now I suppose that's not a bad way to look at things, but I have to admit, there are times when I could do do with fewer surprises. At least the kind that seem to be sprung on me from my very own psyche! I don't know if it's birthday backlash or simply that we have moved into another month, and so far each of them seems to have their own mood theme, but I am finding myself riding the emotional waves again. Out of the blue this morning I am in tears. In that dark place that asks all those "why" and "what for" questions. I have no idea what prompted this. Perhaps it is the silly romance novel I am listening to in the car, or the Property Virgins on HGTV, newlyweds buying their first home, all starry-eyed and hopeful. Or maybe it's the vagaries of brain chemistry. Hormonal gear-shifting?
And last night in Wal-mart I caught myself blatantly flirting with the person in the checkout line in front of me. Seriously. I don't flirt. I had no idea if I even remembered how. But there I was, having purposefully pithy conversation with an attractive (oh sooooo attractive) stranger. My heart was racing and my face was hot....and...ok...so, I knew. This less than three days later after assuring someone in all truth and honesty that I have no interest in pursuing anything or anyone, that I realize the wisdom of just settling in with me for a good long time. Ha. So this all feels very out of control. And we all know just how much I like that!
Oh, dear. I guess I'd better buckle up. June's looking interesting.
4 comments:
When I have times like this, I settle in for a good long stretch of journaling. And not necessarily to figure it all out but just to have a place for the emotions to go. My husband often has to remind me that emotions aren't bad or good. They just are.
Sending you hugs while you ride your roller coaster.
Oh Kate. Been there. I know that telling you it will pass doesn't make it any easier. But, it will pass. You are doing this "new normal" just right. Be gentle with yourself in these times.
I'm going to have to start hanging out at Walmart. ;)
Be gentle with yourself Kate. You've had some huge transitions this year, your still getting your "sea legs" so to speak.
Peace and love,
(((Kate)))
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