Well, here's news! Apparently I'm dating! I've have been "seen around town" in at least two restaurants and a bar lately in the company of someone. Gosh, I wish someone had told me, I'd have dressed up. So not only are conversations being had about me that I'm hearing about, but I guess some others are being had that I'm only getting in on after the fact. I inquired after the source of this info and was initially told "I can't say, I gave my word." I reminded XDO about my feelings about direct communication and gossip and all, and ultimately did find out where it came from. I encouraged XDO to have "the source" speak with me directly about any questions they might have about my social life. I also asked XDO to please refrain from further conversations about me. Not that I think for a minute this will happen. But I felt like I needed to ask. I also was given some other er....shall we call it incorrect information about the existence of an annual Fourth of July party that we have always attended as a couple. I asked if it was happening this year and if XDO was going. "Don't know, haven't heard," was the answer. Interestingly enough, not an hour later on the dog walk, friend S asked if I'd gotten my invitation to that very same party! She said she had been invited a week or so ago, and had been kind of reluctant to bring it up, things being as they are. But she thought, since I'd brought up the hostess' name, she'd take the plunge. "Nope," I said, "Not invited this year." This is all very strange as XDO and the hostess are very good friends and S and she are bare acquaintances. I think XDO may be a bit less than forthcoming here. Given that "hostess" and " the source" are one and the same....I'm just sayin.'
Other than all this interesting social life I'm not having, the conversation went rather as I expected. I had been encouraged by a friend to hold my counsel and say as little as possible. This reminded me of the "holding onto my goat" approach I've been employing pretty successfully in church meetings. I was very aware that I am in the habit of not guarding myself well with XDO. I had to keep catching myself, stopping and remembering that these were not old times in which I could share and confide at will. That these are the days in which anything I say can and will be broadcast far and wide. And that accusations of the same will be met with wide-eyed wondering denial. It all makes my stomach hurt. It makes me want to pack again and run far far away. Especially since I came home and even the cat decided to haul off and scratch me. Strangely enough it was the same one we were talking about, the one who is doing things on carpets that kitties are not supposed to do, and about whom I am also setting boundaries, declaring that he must live henceforth on the sun porch or live no more in my home. Perhaps he sensed my hostility. Perhaps he is on XDO's side. That's about as rational as I am feeling right now. Maybe that is what comes of a cookie and a latte for dinner. Or being told you are dating when you're not. Or being a character in your own novel. Whatever the cause, my solution for tonight is Compline and sleep.