I seem to be heading in the completely wrong direction on this daily posting business. Now it's been two days, and if it hadn't been for a Friday Five, it probably would have been three. *sigh*
I once had a professor who said, "While it is true that the unexamined life is not worth living, I also believe that the unlived life is not worth examining." I seem to be living in a tension between those two extremes these days. I find myself thinking at times, "Oh, I want to stop and take time to remember this moment, this feeling....to reflect on all the wonderment of this absolutely amazing gift that has come so unexpectedly to decorate my life." But at the same time....I want to be in that moment, fully completely alive and present. And I want many such moments...truth be told I want as many of them as my busy life allows. But then, still being an introvert, even an introvert in love....I still need to withdraw... from the business, even from the moments to recharge, regroup. It is a dance I do with myself, and now with another. And blessedly, he too is an introvert, so he gets the need to go away and recharge....but also the pull to "be with." It's a funny little two step we are doing these days.
Thinking about the pros and cons.....I think I there is the possibility that I may become boring to others, as I seem to have kind of a one-track mind. I seem to have less of an interest in the affairs of the world than perhaps I should right now. I think my dog is feeling a little neglected. I seem a tad distracted at times. My need for post-it notes is even greater than before. My bloglife is seriously suffering. But on the good side, I am more generous of spirit. I feel more compassion for my fellow creatures. I am more apt to say yes to just about anything within reason that is asked of me. Despite the fact that it is January and it has just snowed for what seems like the hundredth time, I am remarkably cheerful. My house is cleaner than it usually is.
I have been at the beginning before....and yes I know that some of this is transitory....but there are forces at work here that go deeper. The soulwork that has allowed me to open myself to the possibility of being loved obviously makes a difference. Being able to relax into receiving care and nurturing obviously changes things. Feeling for the first time that I am with someone who could be my safety net too, and that I might even allow myself to fall now and again....well, that's kind of transformational.
So this is about change...this post, this time....these gaps in my blogging. Do it, write about it, find the balance. Live life, examine it.....it all makes it worth living in the end, really I guess.