Grace in the Morning

I was whining to my spiritual director about the messiness of church life once. Those interpersonal corners we all find ourselves in now and again. And she said, “Why did God have to make all these confusing, annoying people to have to deal with? Oh wait- I am one of the confusing annoying people.” I go back to that quote now and again when I get frustrated and discouraged when church life gets messy. I am back there today. Because I am in one of those corners. Again. And it doesn’t matter if I painted myself there or if someone else did. If I, or they, did it with intent and malice or out of sheer humanity. Though I am aware that there is a part of me that wants to make that matter, and wants to make that matter very much. The payoff? Running with it means I can have the satisfaction (fleeting though it is) of having my tantrum of righteous indignation, stirring things up good, tripping on the sheer adrenaline, getting that ol' chaos rush that some part of me still gets off on now and again. It is, I admit, a little tempting. But only a little. I don’t really want to go there. Or anywhere, really. What I want to do is nothing. Be still. Pray. Wait on God. Let it be. This, I think, can only be grace.