Holding my Goat by the Grace of God

My goat was held. It was by God's grace and not so much my doing. I prayed my way through and spoke a lot less than I usually do. Shortly before the meeting I'd been reminded that I was not in charge here, God was. I felt supported by your prayers and those of my wonderful Soul Sisters from Bible study The issue we had before us was resolved in what seems to be a good way. We moved on and got other work done. But I am still feeling sad and kind of demoralized this morning. It could be just the exhaustion talking. It's been a really long few days.

But sometimes as I sit in these meetings, large and small, or interact in other ways in these difficult interpersonal situations, I wonder what I, who do not like conflict, I who am still squeamish about power and don't really feel like I know what to do sometimes with my own or others, am doing in a role that requires me to deal with all of it on a very regular basis. A role I chose (or said yes to) over and above the one that is required to earn my daily bread. A role that asks me to step out way over the edges of my comfort zone on a pretty frequent basis. I know there is growth and richness here. I know, most days it is a blessing to do this. But right now, I just want to take my goat and retire to a quiet place and rest.