Wednesday, January 09, 2008

Holding my Goat by the Grace of God

My goat was held. It was by God's grace and not so much my doing. I prayed my way through and spoke a lot less than I usually do. Shortly before the meeting I'd been reminded that I was not in charge here, God was. I felt supported by your prayers and those of my wonderful Soul Sisters from Bible study The issue we had before us was resolved in what seems to be a good way. We moved on and got other work done. But I am still feeling sad and kind of demoralized this morning. It could be just the exhaustion talking. It's been a really long few days.

But sometimes as I sit in these meetings, large and small, or interact in other ways in these difficult interpersonal situations, I wonder what I, who do not like conflict, I who am still squeamish about power and don't really feel like I know what to do sometimes with my own or others, am doing in a role that requires me to deal with all of it on a very regular basis. A role I chose (or said yes to) over and above the one that is required to earn my daily bread. A role that asks me to step out way over the edges of my comfort zone on a pretty frequent basis. I know there is growth and richness here. I know, most days it is a blessing to do this. But right now, I just want to take my goat and retire to a quiet place and rest.

7 comments:

Rev SS said...

Glad the issue before you was resolved in a good way. Praying you get some much-deserved rest soon.

Barb said...

Retiring to a quiet place and resting is probably a good thing after such meetings - even Jesus had to do it sometimes. (Although do you think he would have chosen sheep rather than goats for company ?!)

Kathryn said...

So glad your ruminant was restrained ;-) - hope the exhaustion lifts soon.
But oh, my soul sister, you have no idea how I felt reading these words

"But sometimes as I sit in these meetings, large and small, or interact in other ways in these difficult interpersonal situations, I wonder what I, who do not like conflict, I who am still squeamish about power and don't really feel like I know what to do sometimes with my own or others, am doing in a role that requires me to deal with all of it on a very regular basis" - having just come home from seeing world's greatest Spir Dir, and addressed this very thing.
It was MEAN of them to separate us at birth, wasn't it!!!

mompriest said...

Rest is the only way to recharge and go back again. Jesus always went away to pray and then came back down from the mountain top to do the work that he had too....

sigh...

I'm sorry I have been so caught up and busy in my stuff I haven't had a chance to stop by and offer support.

so. prayers for you.

(oh and love the image of the goat)...

RevDrKate said...

Thanks for the prayers, Serena.

Barb, good to have you with us! Yes he was sending the goats off, but I like mine rather.I told a friend I think she is the Holy Goat.

Kathryn, it was cruel, wasn't it!
"Restrained ruminants"...silly girl!

MP, I know the feeling...I haven't had time to read anyone else's either and I feel so out of touch!

PK said...

me and my old goat (hubbahubba)... are thinking the same thing you are thinking... retire... river... relax. it takes a lot of energy to show restraint... especially when you want to kick butt and take names.

Jan said...

So glad this went well. Rest, be gentle with yourself.