I have not been back to the jail...all things in moderation after all. That will come later this week. But my soul is lighter, and once again it is because of the prayers and love and support of this circle. The love of God made manifest here is palpable. Your concern for L and offers to send cards to him is just the most wonderful thing. I can't wait to see his response. He's always gotten this kind of funny smile when I tell him my "pastor friends and church people on the internet all over the world" are praying for him. Pleased and kind of "aw schucks." It has always continued to baffle him that anyone would care about him. We have had this conversation more than once. He often goes back to when I came to see him the first time after the Bible study. He tells the story, almost like little kids want you to tell how you took them to their first day of school. He always tells it the same way...."The guy came and said I had a visitor, I said 'who me?' and he said, 'well, you are L aren't you?' and I said 'yeah' and he said 'we'll, if you want you visitor you better get out there then or I'll send her away!' and I went out there and I thought, oh I know who that is, that's that lady minister from the bible study....what's she doin' here. Then he rushes to assure me that he was happy to see me....just confused as to why I would come. And I have my part of the ritual now, too. That I had this poking from God. At first I kind of resisted, telling God I was busy with other things, but God would not let up....and then I came and saw him and got to know him and I was so very glad that God had poked me because I got to know what a great person he was and how glad I am he is in my life. We do this little ritual now and again. We did it Saturday, our little liturgy of connection.
I am, like Mompriest, a borderline Pollyanna. I believe in people. I hope in them until there is nothing left to hope for, and sometimes even then. I am still very hopeful, and I think that the more support and care he has the better. The more he knows that there are people out here pulling, the more those dark voices will not have their way with him. He said something interesting on Monday. When I told him that God, his church and I were not planning to abandon him he said, "yeah, I know, that's the problem" and he wouldn't elaborate. I don't know if he was just being flip....it didn't feel that way. It felt like it really might be the horns of his dilemma. I find I kind of hope so, because I think it's one of those good problems.
So thank you all again. I know you will be a light in his darkness. You are ever and always a light in mine with your presence in my life.