Wednesday, August 06, 2008

and in Light

I have not been back to the jail...all things in moderation after all. That will come later this week. But my soul is lighter, and once again it is because of the prayers and love and support of this circle. The love of God made manifest here is palpable. Your concern for L and offers to send cards to him is just the most wonderful thing. I can't wait to see his response. He's always gotten this kind of funny smile when I tell him my "pastor friends and church people on the internet all over the world" are praying for him. Pleased and kind of "aw schucks." It has always continued to baffle him that anyone would care about him. We have had this conversation more than once. He often goes back to when I came to see him the first time after the Bible study. He tells the story, almost like little kids want you to tell how you took them to their first day of school. He always tells it the same way...."The guy came and said I had a visitor, I said 'who me?' and he said, 'well, you are L aren't you?' and I said 'yeah' and he said 'we'll, if you want you visitor you better get out there then or I'll send her away!' and I went out there and I thought, oh I know who that is, that's that lady minister from the bible study....what's she doin' here. Then he rushes to assure me that he was happy to see me....just confused as to why I would come. And I have my part of the ritual now, too. That I had this poking from God. At first I kind of resisted, telling God I was busy with other things, but God would not let up....and then I came and saw him and got to know him and I was so very glad that God had poked me because I got to know what a great person he was and how glad I am he is in my life. We do this little ritual now and again. We did it Saturday, our little liturgy of connection.

I am, like Mompriest, a borderline Pollyanna. I believe in people. I hope in them until there is nothing left to hope for, and sometimes even then. I am still very hopeful, and I think that the more support and care he has the better. The more he knows that there are people out here pulling, the more those dark voices will not have their way with him. He said something interesting on Monday. When I told him that God, his church and I were not planning to abandon him he said, "yeah, I know, that's the problem" and he wouldn't elaborate. I don't know if he was just being didn't feel that way. It felt like it really might be the horns of his dilemma. I find I kind of hope so, because I think it's one of those good problems.

So thank you all again. I know you will be a light in his darkness. You are ever and always a light in mine with your presence in my life.


imngrace said...

I've been out of touch, but am glad I came back today. Prayers continue for you and for L.

Ruth Hull Chatlien said...

It is so hard to believe in love when someone has never really known it.

Prayers for L and for you.

Rev SS said...

I so can't wait to hear what he says when he gets our cards. I purchased the last two packs of 6 all alike, so he'll get the same card (slightly different message) from me for the next 11 weeks .. then I'll have to find more cards.

Blessging to you RDK

mid-life rookie said...

Polly Anna- yep me to most of the time - unless I'm awfulizing at the moment. I actually had the moviesound track (voices, not just music) on an album as a child. I listened until I wore it out. If you look for the bad in people you are sure to find it. So look for the good. Keep looking.

The comment "That's the problem." Frankly, I imagine jail is much less work than living straight on the outside. Less responsibility, fewer decisions, easier to blame others for one's predicament rather than taking responsibility for one's own actions- the list goes on and on. It would be easy for him to give up on himself and take the easy road that to us seems more awful. Your caring makes it harder to do that, but may not be strong enough to battle the dark voices. Now it's not just about him, it's about letting others down... You have complicated his life. Keep it up sister!

mompriest said... sounds like L might in a Jacob place...wrestling with God-thing...maybe he too will be renamed and finally know his true identity (as one of God's beloved) regardless of whether he is in or out of jail...maybe, at this time, it is irrelevant "where" he is (jail, outside), God is still working on him. Well, yeah, I know, its that Pollyanna tendency...prayers continue.