And on the Seventeenth Day of Advent....

I am getting a little more free time than I bargained for. Perhaps this is in the be careful what you hope for line of things, or maybe like snow, germs happen, too. But I seem to be full of enough those pesky little critters that I simply could not see the wisdom in going to work today. So I am home on the couch stocked with tea and Vitamin C and Echinacea and Zinc tabs, lots of water and lotioned tissues. I am not known for very good self-care when sick, and truth be told, my biggest motivator is trying to have some vestige of a voice for Lessons and Carols on Thursday. That and the fact that when last I checked I had something like 480 hours of sick leave. I talk a good line about this to other people, but when it comes to myself....not so hot I fear. Someone accused me of being self-important in my refusal to stay home. I had to examine my conscience a bit about that....do I really think I am all that important that the world will stop turning if I am not in it for a day? No, it's not that....but I do remember what it was like when I was in the depths of my own depression....that therapy appointment was sometimes the thing that got me from week to week. It wasn't CS, my therapist herself, though she was wonderful. It was more about knowing that for an hour there was a place where I could pour out my pain and someone would hear me, would witness how much it hurt to just be in my skin in that time and place. And on the rare occasions she had to cancel, I would be pretty devastated. So I try not to do that to people, especially if I know there are folks on the schedule that day that are in those kinds of really painful places. But once in awhile there is a day when the people on the schedule are a little more able to cope with a cancel or I am little less able to rise above my symptoms, or figure I'm so miserable I'd likely not be very present to them anyway.

So the trade off is more quiet and solitude. Enforced on a day when I have not enough energy to do and therefore must simply be. My own little retreat day. And there is even a task at hand. The Soul Sisters have given up the ghost on Discipleship. It seemed that the consensus was that DB was just not working for anyone but me, so we have decided to do a Mark study instead. The task for this week (due today!) is to read the entire Gospel for an overview and come prepared to discuss (somewhat intelligently) Mark's grand plan, themes, etc. Then we will go back and savor and dissect slowly for as long as it takes, bit by bit. Last week being what it was, there was no Mark reading, so today would seem to be the day. Our hope is that this will be creative and generative as we are doing this in a pretty self-directed way, no book....just our own research ability, our care for one another and the Holy Spirit to guide us. We are planning to each do some writing about our "discoveries" along the way to share as we are all writers. We are also planning time in January to take a painting class together, and we are hoping that this will find it's way into our Markan experience. Once again, I'm thinking I am blessed with the best Bible study group ever.

So I think I'll settle in now. Turn the tree lights on, brew a big pot of tea, turn on some Gregorian chant for background, get my favorite study Bible and see what Mark has to say.