The "Liminal Space" that was created on the BE as Mary Beth so beautifully put it in her reflection was a threshold space, a space between. And it seems to have been, as liminal spaces often are, for many of us, a very sacred and transformational space. We went away. Not just to a retreat or a vacation. Not just to NOLA or Cozumel on a cruise, but somewhere different. Somewhere where the world is a different place than the one we live in on a day to day basis. And not just because it moves when you walk on it, or seems to never sleep. In this world moving in and out of conversations had an ease to it, a comfort not found in my daily life. And those conversations were incredible. Silly, sublime, sobering, sweet and above all safe. Someone said that the Lido Aft Starboard group was like an amoeba....people came and went, it grew and expanded and moved back in, all depending on the need of the moment. In this world, as someone else has mentioned, there was a quality to the listening. It was tangible. There was attention being paid, there were resonances and ahas. And there was so much laughter. Obviously we are very funny people, we have wonderful senses of humor, collectively and individually. We find much about life that is funny and wry. We do not take ourselves too seriously. We know that sometimes the choice is to laugh or to cry and we choose to laugh. And just as obviously, we have not had the chance, many of us, to laugh enough lately. To find enough joy, to find enough lightness in life. And in this lovely open space, it was there and came bubbling out.
My yoga teacher, with whom I spent a week in Mexico for four consecutive years at her retreat center, would give us the advice to "change states of consciousness gently." Re-entry can be hard from these transformational, out of time and space experiences. Reality can bite. (As does snow on the bare ankles I refuse to cover. I will show off my tattoo!) Coming home to all the things that were there before, jobs and relationships and all the issues we left behind, when we are so wide open can be hard. People keep asking me, "So how was your cruise?" And I say the usual and expected answers and find myself tearing up. I keep wearing my talismans...my heart and my bracelet, my scarf and my Cozumel cross...as if to have these things with me will keep me connected for longer moments to how it was. My body is still holding on to the sea as I am still rocking and woozy if I sit too long in one place....I find I almost treasure it as a reminder.
But life is here. There is a decision made on the homefront, we merely await completion of paperwork for a final moving date. And L is struggling. He is in desperate need of prayers right now as the system is messing with him....yes, yet again, and I think there is pretty much no hope of an appeal despite the fact that I feel that there was such a miscarriage of justice here. I fear so much that we may lose him in the worst possible ways. Last night he told me has stopped drawing. My heart broke for him. We both had tears for a moment before he reverted to the gangsta' persona we are seeing far more of than we wish lately. And once again, I placed him in God's hands.
I am coming through the place where the shields are needed most. It's bumpy and a little scary. But I remember how much I feared the sea until I had the courage to go and face her on Friday morning. And how I realized then that not only was she beautiful, but that she was going to protect me for three days from going anywhere or doing anything but taking care of myself. And in that moment she became my friend, too.
There is so much more to say and ponder. But life and tasks call. To be continued.....